05 Shawwal 1424

So you think that you have done something nice. But actually you havent. HAH! That my dear friend is life. Well today I accidentally told Mr A that Mr B had told me this. I didnt say it actually but I said it by mistake. I was told later on by Mr C about what I said. A sudden light bulb appeared and I said OHHHH! So next time I will think before I speak. It will be hard and I wont be able to do it. But I will try. WORK! BRAIN CELLS WORK!

I think during the life of every man there comes a time when he says. Oh no! I am turning into my father. I had that thought about 5 years ago. Then comes a time when he says. Yes! I am turning into my father. I had that about 2 days ago. Hence my posting about my father. It was when I walked into a room. In the farther corner there was a painting that was slightly tilted and I saw it immediately. I also fixed it afterwards.

Yes ladies and gentlemen shower me with praise. I am turning into my father.

Why oh why would the search "karachi's best chat site"on Google return my page I will never understand.

My blog has been turning very philosophical(some may read that as boring) of late. And that is because I have been thinking a lot. Seeing the society and reading about history(some may read that as boring) are the most fertile ground for thought(and no I am not some lame loser).

Todays rant about Pakistanis would be that the culture of Book Reading and Education has all but DIED. It is very very uncommon for me to be in the company of people who seem to be educated and who have knowledge due to their reading and gatherings. Something that is a MUST for cultured men and women all over the human world. The whole scenario of people who read and learn from that and are able to show it throught the way they talk and behave has all but disappeared. What is left is people who had degrees but no knowledge. This thing has destroyed the fabric of society. Every man has to be a generalist as well as a specialist. It is imerative for society.

04 Shawwal 1424

I went to meet some relatives today. Now it is custom to put tid bits of interesting food infront of guests. Which they did. And the guests DO munch on few. Which we did. Then the guests desist no matter what. Which we all did except me. It is also customary for the host to keep offering to the guests. Which did but not to me. So all in all. Everyone was staring at me because I was eating too much. I LOVED it. It was wonderful. They were extremely tasty and I kept teasing my sisters because they didnt get to eat a lot of it. YEY!!!

What do you do when you are sitting in company and you realize that "the" GODAWFUL stench is coming from you? Since I am not that well versed in the ways of the world I cannot tell you. But I presume what a certain someone (definitely NOT me) did was that he sneaked into the bedroom of someone in the house. Then he prinkled himself with some of the perfume. When that someone tried to come into the room he ran out. And then he realized that "the" EXTREMELY strong and feminine smell is coming from him. Keep guessing coz I wont tell you who it was.

Something about my father. My father is a wonderful and amazing man. His knowledge. His ideas. His sheer grasp of issues and things is amazing. He is a policeman but has never taken one rupee through illegal or wrongful means. Something very uncommon for Pakistan. And he has taught the same. He is a marvel of a man and very honest. His integrity, honesty and truthfullness are a beacon for me. He has never had problems in any of his relations. It is shocking to see that he knows how to work with people without getting into any trouble with them. I would do well to learn from him. This little section came up becuase we had a long discussion with him today.

Today I was reading a book on Urdu and History of Urdu Literature. It is "Urdu Adab Ki Mukhtasir Tareen Tareekh"(Shortest history of Urdu literature) by Dr Saleem Akhter. It was an interesting book. I read the first chapter only. But I realized one thing. What is the book about? If it is about Urdu Literature then it should be written in proper Urdu, that is Urdu that normal people like me(I am very good at Urdu) can read. The author has tried too much to use a horrible and terrible from of Urdu. The actual reason for writing the book seems to be to show everyone of the readers that Dr Sahib (Dr Saleem Akhter over here) can write wonderful Urdu. Unfortunately it is not any form of Urdu prose. Which is a pity because then the whole concept of the book is lost. Althought you do learn from it. But you have to read One pargraph for one line worthy reading. And seventeen sentences of useless Urdu arabesques.

Today I will not add the usual final paragraph where I berate my people for not being good enough. Today I will say that I am a Karachiite and a Pakistani. Given a thousand chances I will not prefer to have any other people as my people. I am proud of being what I am and I am proud to say that.

Pakistan Zindabad!

03 Shawwal 1424

3rd day of Eid. The same thing all over again today as well.

I was chatting with a friend last night and I learnt about the whole Gay Party thing in Karachi. Apparently one of the older and more settled members of Karachis gay community throw a party ever so often. That is time where gay people meet each other. I have heard that upto 400 people have been to these things. Wow! How desperate can you be. I REALLY wanna go to one. I know I know I am desperate. So what.

Strange search for the day
Google ... Monkey in Karachi ... How dare you google ? How dare you sir!

Another thing that I learnt. I am HORRIBLE on online chatting things. AIM or MSN or MIRC. I am horrible. So if you have talked to me. I AM SORRY FOR PUTTING YOU THROUGH THIS. Loolz. Also I ask TOO many questions. So if you have chatted with me. It is not you ... it is me!

And WOW! does Ammi(Mom) make some TASTY! Koftay and Shami Kabab. Needless to say. I ate like a hog today.

02 Shawwal 1424

Today was the second day of eid. For me very much the same. Relatives coming over and us going over for dinner. Most people find eid boring. I find it tiring. Well. It is tiring.

Yesterday there was a lot of post about. Today well. There isnt. Really. I mean if I post it will be because I have to not because I want to. Of I can just ramble on like I am doing now. With no rhyme or reason. Like I am doing right now. Well I know that I am just typing crap. You would think that I would stop. But think again. I didnt. WOO HOO !!! I am a loony.

In other news I played SO MUCH SimCity3000Unlimited that the only thing that I can see on the screen is my city building up. I kid you not. TRUST ME !

I hope I will have something to blog about tomorrow. So I will see you all then. Now its time to read your blogs. Bye.

Two interesting searches for the day.
Google ... driving direction in karachi,pakistan ---> Wow and I am just new at that. Thanks you Google!
Google ... looking for karachi beautiful queens for sex ---> I hate Google!

01 Shawwal 1424

Today was Eid in Pakistan. YEY!

Well all I did today was drive around the city and meet up with all of my relatives. You people have no idea how exhausting yet interesting that it. We drove about 127 kms in one day. People started coming over from 1000 in the morning. And the last guest left at about 2330. I must have met about 150 people today. Eid! Eid! Eid!

We followed the family tradition of a Pulao and Shami Kabab Lunch at the oldest relative on my mothers side family. We followed the family tradition of evening tea at out house for the people from my fathers side of the family. Lets just say that Eid is a day that is very hectic but very interesting as well.

I didnt go for Eid prayers thought. And everyone I know asked me if I went. And I had to run away every time with some sort of a strange excuse. Now I think my whole family thinks of me as the strange strange guy who is Mr XYZs(Grandfather's name here) grandson. But then again I talked a lot and exchanged my views with many many people. So they also know that I am an intelligent and knowledgeable strange guy. If I go on like this I will have too many adjectives added to my name.

Well here I am after Eid day. Blogging as ever. The love of my life. Oh wait! That is someone else. Well whatever. I hope you all enjoy yourselves. And I have to run.

E I D M U B A R A K !!!

29 Ramazan 1424

Someone today told me that I am a sick perverted freak. I reaplied. I am neither sick. Not perverted. But I am a freak. He started laughing. And kept laughing until I was angry at myself being so funny. GOD I am wierd.

Like every Eid this year as well there is a complete controversy about whether the moon for the month of Shawwal has been sighted or not. Well it is a very clearcut and easy thing. Either you see the moon. Or you dont. Now if that is so hard. Either the science of astronomy tells is that i was seen or it was not. The whole issues arisin out of this thing are plain stupid idiotic moronities that need to done away with.

Today is the night that the new moon was actually sighted. It was a thin thin line in the western sky. The month of Ramazan has ended. Tomorrow muslims will celebrate the Eid. Tonight or the night before eid is called Chaand Raat (Moon Night). Tonight is basically the night when we all finish our shopping. I know I know ... why keep it till the last moment. Honestly. I have no idea why. You think people would prepare before hand but they dont. Actually I am like that too so I should keep quiet.

Today I went with my sisters for the traditional Chaand Raat stuff. We went to a nearby market that was filled to the brim like never before. We went to a stall and my sisters got their hands painted with Mehndi (Henna). Then we all went and all the girls brought Choorian (Glass Bangles). Oh and yes belated word of advice. ALWAYS but the Choorian before the Mehndi since after the Mehndi you cannot try the Choorian on. God my sisters are idiots. Well fortunately they got the right sizes.

Had some excellent chicken soup today. And when I say excellent. I mean excellent. Of course I ate it so ravenously that I burned the top of my mouth. And I cant touch my tongue to the top any more. Because it hurts TOO much.

Today was the first day in quite some time when I did not listen to any music. GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME !!!

28 Ramazan 1424

I went to my cousins house for Aftari and Dinner. It was nice seeing them after such a long time. Their son is very young and very very cute and loveable. I love playing with him. With all his silly young questions like why dont we call green blur and will you please get my baloon for me. COOCHIE COOCHIE COO!!! And finally I had a normal conversation with humans. It was the first time in some time that I was sitting in company with the average IQ more than 23.4 and the educational qualifications surpassing the 5th grade. Thank you Allah Mian.

I probably havent told you people about my love for satellite imaging yet. I always loved maps and other things that showed me what the world was like. After I saw satellite images I went mad for them and here I am today telling you about then. Today I downloaded a couple of satellite images of Karachi. With much more detail than I currently have. Although Pakistani images are few and far between but I keep an eye out. If any of you find a good one do tell me.

I was reading about the Urdu Daastan today. It is a form of literature. It is basically a long long story. Sometimes TOO long. But it is long and full of many or one plots. The characters are many in numbers and the story had many supernatural things in it. But the Daastan is a wonderful and interesting art form. Keeping in mind the times when it originated and how it developed. I think Pakistanis should try to rediscover this art that is so beautiful but hidden from our view due to newer art forms.

An interesting thing that many people from outside Karachi dont know. Many houses in Karachi have names. Yep they do. For example. Qasr-e-XYZ. XYZ being the name of the owner that is. Not that it is actually XYZ since that isnt even in Urdu. But I digress. And then there are the Kashana-e-XYZ. Same thing about XYZ. And then there is the XYZ Manzil. For the IQ deficient, same thing about XYZ. But it is nice to see that and I think the naming the house idea really gives Karachi a beautiful flavour.

I have been driving a lot through Karachi over the last three days. I have sortof noticed one thing. That there is a specific architecture for every decade of the citys history. Moving through different areas I could see the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s. Every area of the city was built in a very short time and it can be seen clearly. The 50s have the strong presence of circular rooms. The 70s are about squares and line. The 90s are about GHASTLY Greek(sic) columns. But thank GOD that period is over and the people in city are into the 00s. I think the new thing is a slightly return to classical indian/islamic/mughal architecture. At least aesthetically. But whatever. I really like noticing time changes and the fact that I can notice the time of construction from the architecture. YEY!

I have notices one thing. People who keep beards are EVIL. Althought it is generally understood that they are better muslims and closer to Allah. I am sure people will be shocked and angry by reading this and say that I am a bad person for saying something like but. But, they are strange and bad people. People who keep a beard are the worst when it comes to civil society and civic sense. They are ones to push the first in the line. They are the ones that are the worst drivers. Or maybe I just have people who are at all right wingers. And I need to moderate myself a little bit. You decide. NO NO. Dont. Lemme decide.

My rant regarding Karachi and Karachiites today is. FOOT BRIDGE !!! USE IT !!!

I had a long chat with a female friend from college. Was nice talking to her after such a long time. We used to enjoy chatting a lot when we were in college. She had a sense of humour. And well I do seem so have the rudiments of one as well. Most of you can possibly testify to that IF the matter went to court. Which I assure you it will not.

Today I had the same strange feelign at the time of Sunset and late evening. The dull and drab light. The birds in their multitude chirping in the trees where they had come to settle just next to our house. Then when the feeling is at its strongest. Comes the Azan of Maghrib. It is like the beckonign call. I causes the feeling to multiply and grow my leaps and bounds. The feeling of everything slowing down and everything becoming low and calm. The feeling of a sudden death. It is like the life of the day has just ended. Everything slows down and then picks up. It is a strange strange feeling that I dont know if other people feel as well.

I have an interest in architecture and beautiful buildings. I have a particular interest in the "Tomb of Itimad-ud-Daulah in Dehli". It is one of the most beautiful buildings from the Mughal school of architecture. It has the most wonderful proportions and shape. The designs and the colours used are excellent. It is to me as beautiful as the Taj Mahal. It is a building that I would feel priviledged to see in my life in person.

I had the chance to listen to some of Pink Floyds songs that I had downloaded yesterday. Wonderful music. Wonderful Music! It is the food of my soul. The complete phenomenon that is Pink Floyd will not cease to amaze me. I specially like listening to Pink Floyd at around 0200 or 0300 when it is all calm and quiet and I am working on something late and I am slightly sleepy.

I spent all day thinking about the incident in the mall where I was humiliated. And to be honest. I am still in shock.

I talked about a lack of interesting searches only a few days ago on the 21st of November. And just today there were about 3 strange searches again.
- Yahoo search ... province of s.e pakistan whose capital is karachi -----> answer is Sindh
- Google search ... aunties looking for men in karachi -----> Desperation !!!
- Yahoo search ... picture of ghazals singer mehdi hasan -----> Flattered to be even linked with a name that I hold in such high regard.

It is about 0246 at night but I am changing the time to set it as yesterdays post as all this happened yesterday.

I finally managed to drag myself to the barbers shop and get a haircut AND get shaved as well. It made me feel like a new man. Cleaned up and looking nice and tidy. Now that makes Jalal very very happy. Finally. So all of you who asked for my pics should ask for them now, before I become hideously ugly again.

I saw a half hour short play based on Munshi Prem Chand's Afsana(short story) 'Kafan' on GeoTV channel. It was wonderful. It is one of those rare instances where you can that some form of justice has been done to the writer of the Afsana. The story of the play itself is so strong but acting and the music and the direction also added to the beauty of the experience.

Then came the HIGHEST point of the day or maybe even the year. It is only three / four days from Eid-ul-Fitr the Granddaddy of all Islamic Festivals. So shopping is at a fever pitch. Today me and my friends went to get some clothing for Eid. We went to this huge mens shopping super mall thing in Karachi. Well I dont need to tell you but, eye candy galore.

Basically any part of a man that anyone can ever image was there. And it was there in the most perfect and pristine form that there can be. Not on one person! DUH! On a bevy on men that thronged the men there. And well I had a lot of fun. Suffice to say that while my friends shopped I became a complete slut and stared at men shamelessly.

Another thing is that in Pakistan we have Hijras (Eunuchs). They are a traditional and old version of what you call drag queens. But Hijras are diffferent from Drag Queens. While shopping at the aforementioned mall I saw two drag queens. YES! Drag queens and I was like ... WHOA COOL. Something new in Pakistan.

Then the last shop we went to was the lowest point of the day or maybe even the year. Basically I am slightly feminine. I cant help it, I am OK with it but I hate it when other people point it out to make fun of me on my face. So basically here is a picture. There was a circle of about 12 people. I was in the circle. And there was a man in the middle of the circle and acting like a Hijra or extremely effeminate men. It was said openly and it was also understood that I was the one being made fun of. I have never been more humiliated in my whole life. Never. It was one of the most horrible things that ever happened to me. And basically right now I just dont know what to think and how to cope with this.

And for todays daily rant about Karachi and Karachiites. Well. If someone is different from you. LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE! You have NO right to force your beliefs on others. You have NO right to make them confirm to the beliefs of the majority. Live and let live.

I am very saddened to see that all those INTERESTING searches leading to my blog have all but ended. Which makes me think that either there has a sudden demise of human imaginaton or a sudden dullness in this blog. I would opt for the former as it is easier to accept and does not reflect badly upon me.

Today was Jumma-al-Wida. Or the last friday of the month of Ramazan. Every friday during the Zohr(Noon) prayers there is a sermon. The sermon of Jumma-al-Wida has a big significance. Since nearly ALL muslim men go for the friday prayers they attend the sermon as well. I have stopped doing that. So I didnt go. Now I feel like I am being too much of a rebel.

Tomorrow I shall fast from sunrise till sunset in the proper fashion prescribed by Islam. Yes I have keep a Roza. And I will keep all the remaining fasts of the month of Ramazan.

I had a VERY strange dream. I saw that I was shirtless and waiting for the bus in a MAJOR shopping area. It was HORRIBLE. I felt so so so very ashamed that I woke us sweating. Yes I woke up sweating. Does this mean that I am not a slut after all and have a modicum of modesty ... NAHHHH !!! God why did I let even an idea so absurd enter my mind.

And also some good news. I won a badminton match today. I was SO excited. It was wonderful. So I am not a COMPLETE sissy after all. Maybe like 0.98 sissy or 0.95 sissy but not 1.00 +- 0.01 sissy. YEY !!!

Today we were stopping at a red light late at night and the streets were empty. Another car stopped besides us. Then came two motorcycles. They literarry harassed the driver of the other car to move on. When ... when will people mature enough to 1- NOT break the traffic light. 2- If someone else isnt then just shut your pie hole. People need to learn this I cannot imagine how we can call ourselves civilized otherwise.

Friday Five

Something I picked up from a few people whose blogs I read.

1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.
- Lose weight
- Lose psychosis
- Lose paranoia
- Lose hysterical high pitched irritating laugh
- Lose virginity

2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.
- inner child
- inner self
- inner spirit
- inner animal
- inner philosopher

3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.
- Snag free food
- Snag marbles from my little sister
- Snag decent discussions in parties with average IQ of 12.2
- Snag money out of mom
- Snag men

4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).
- Build a museum
- Build a university
- Build a library
- Build a palace
- Build a mosque

5. List five things you do that help you relax.
- Nag
- Music
- Sleep
- Bath
- Nag !

Today was one of those winter days when people spend a lot of time snuggling in warm crevices. But I didnt do that. When people wear warm clothes and look at sexy in winter clothing. But I didnt do that. When people try to spend more time in the sun. But I didnt do that either. When people drink a lot of Tea, Coffee and Soups. I did do that since it is food and I love food. Well all in all it was one of those slow and lethargic winter days. Ahhhhhh. I love the wonders that come with every season.

I saw a wonderful movie, Quills. With exquisite acting by four people. Geoffrey Rush, Kate Winslet, Joaquin Phoenix and Michael Caine. It has excellent direction and flow of the story. It is one of those rare movies where at the end you are left fulfilled. Where you just sit quietly as the end titles roll by slowly. You just sit there in the lonely darkness soaking the movie slowly just as it is supposed to be received. It wasnt a movie. It was an experience. I would say it is a must see. Although NOT with family.

Due a certain recent action of mine during online chatting on MSN. I have decided to call myself Slut Boi for this week. Yes I am talking about that chat with YOU! You know who you are.

Today was the death anniversary of Faiz Ahmed Faiz. One of a very small group of humans who I look up to. A post in his tribute has been posted.

I was listening to a very well known Pakistani band. Junoon today. And well after their albums Aazadi and Inqilab they have only went down. Why? I mean those albums are made up of super hits. All the songs are wonderful. But they just went down. They got commercialized and their music now well basically SUX. Sorry for being too harsh but it is the truth. I hate it when good bands go down that road and basically disappoint their fans.

That was all from my side. Over and out. Now its time to read your blogs.

Faiz Ahmed Faiz

This post is a tribute to Faiz Ahmed Faiz.

Poet, Thinker and Philospher. One of the greatest men mothered by the soil of this land that is called South Asia or Bharat or Hind or Hindustan or India.

13 February 1911 - 20 November 1984.

Du'aa (Prayer) -- A Nazm for Pakistan's Independence Day, 1967

aayeh hath uthein hum bhi
hum jinhein rusm-e du'aa yaad nahin
hum jinhein soz-e muhabat ke siwa
koi buth, koi khuda yaad nahin

aayeh urz guzarein keh nigar-e hustee
zehar-e imroz mein shirenya furda bhar de
wo jinhein taab-e garaan bary-a iyaam nahin
un ki pulkoon peh shaub-e roz ko hulka ker de

jin ki aankhoon ko roz-e subh ka yaara bhi nahin
un ki raatoon mein koi shuma munawar ker de
jin ke kadumoon ko kisi reh ka sahara bhi nahin
un nazroon peh koi raah ujagar ker de

jin ka deeN pariw-e kizb-o riya hai un ko
himet-e kufr mile, jurat-e tehqiq mile
jin ke sir muntazar-e tegh-e jafa hein un ko
dust-e qatil ko jatuk deenay ki taufiq mile

ishq ka sir-e nihaaN jaan tapaaN hai jis se
aaj iqrar karein aur tapish mit jaa'e
hurf-e haq dil mein khatakta hai jo kante ki turhaaN
aaj izhar karein aur khalish mit jaa'e

Most Horrifying Nightmare

I remember a dream in college. I used to have a recurring nightmare that I am sleeping on my bed. My room is closed. And I hear someone typing on the keyboard. I get up to peep over. And I dont see anyone but the keys are being typed themselves. Then I always woke up feeling uneasy in that very room. Once when I woke up from the dream I was like. OK. I am back!

But then I heard the typing. I had just gotten up from that very nightmare. I had a sudden and SEVERE sinking feeling. What is it. Maybe it is someone else in the room. Then I remembered I locked my door. Well maybe I am hearing things. Well it wasnt working. I was scared as hell. I could not calm myself.

In was completely terrified. Then I decided to check who it was that was typing. I peeped from under the blankets. There was noone there. The same thing that I used to see the dream there. I dont know if you have ever felt it but I felt that thing that they show in the movies. Where things just ZOOM IN! I was SHOCKED and SCARED!

I was too scared to scream. To shocked to think. To dumbed to even try to calm myself. Suddenly it happened.

I suddered in my sleep. And I woke up for real. Yes the other one was a dream. VERY realistic but a dream. I have NEVER been that scared in my life.

Yeah Yeah I know I did make it deliberately juicy and full of suspense. And to be honest ... BITE ME !!! ... preferably lightly ;) and in the right places ;)

Not that I am being Paranoid. I think I AM growing up. Today I had a normal fight with ammi(mom). It was about the correct pronunciation of an Urdu word. We kept at it for about 20 minutes where we both tried to degrade each others education and knowledge of proper Urdu. Then we checked it up in a Lughat(Dictionary) and turns out. We are both wrong. We avoided each other for about 4 hours after that. Then we sat down and laughed for half an hour. Then we went for dinner. AA WOO HOO !!! I am growing up.

My college friends were going for dinner today. Yeah I know again. And I couldnt go. I was busy this time. This seems to imply that my life has reached a stage where I might be busy with important things when my friends go out an PAH-TAY. Hmmmmm. I AM GROWING UP !!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!! Then suddenly ... OOO A TOY SOLDIER!!! Hmmm. Maybe I am not growing up.

Wow the confusion filled life at 23.

I watched a horror movie with my sisters today. Well I never watch such stuff. They do. Yeah. It is them. Not me. I am the normal one. Remember??? Well I digress. It was in Japanese and it was actually pretty scary. My sisters shrieked a LOT. And contrary to what people will say later on. I DID NOT SHREK!!! IT WAS MY SISTER!!! IT WASNT ME !!! OK!!! Just in case you would like to watch it ... its name means The Grudge in English. I forgot the Japanese original name.

Talking about horror. I think ill post about my most horrifying nightmare. After this one that is.

Also I had to go eat out on what can only be called 13 minutes notice. The mens room there was out of order. So I had to go to the ladies room. Yes. I went to the ladies room. NO! I AM NOT a pervert OK! And while I was there I had to make sure noone saw me there. Going in is easy. You see empty, you run in! Now coming out is the tricky part (pun unintended). You have to make SURE that there is noone in there. Otherwise a LOT of embarrasment. So I had to wait for silence. When I found that I rushed out and cleaned my hands. Someone walked in. A tiny little voice in my upper cranium said oh oh busted. Then I looked up. It was a guy. We were both embarassed. We were both going to act as if it is the mens room when we BOTH know the truth completely. Well we nodded. I ran out. He ran in. NOONE NEEDS TO JUDGE US !!!

Listened to this wonderful piece of music today. A few ghazals by Gulshan Ara Syed. She has a very classical voice. The slightly croaking voice that gave a hint of recently drunk vinegar. The kind of voice that you expect from 1910s and 1920s women singers. But I have to admit she has a wonderful mastery over her voice and the sound of it. So anyone interested in this genre of music should listen to her.

We were waiting at a red light. When I heard an ambulance come up from behind in the lane to our right. It was second in line after a Wagon. I saw the man sitting with the Wagon driver tap him on his hand. Then I saw the Wagon driver actually move his Wagon so the ambulance can go by. Well it was a heartwarming sight. Finally a civil sense at work. If only we all laud this and learn from this and this thing grows slowly and with time. All I can say is that.

Karachi Zindabad! Pakistan Paindabad!

I had a long chat with one of my best friends from college. We did what we always do. During and after college. Blamed each other for dumping each other for better friends (no no ... he is the normal one!) We actually never did dump each other as friends. It is just something that we do when we are with each other. We are used to it so it is natural and normal for us to do it (maybe you are right ... neither of us is normal) It is was wonderful talking to A.I. He is a wonderful wonderful person.

And my two best friends from college. A.I and S.M. know about this blog but dont read it. I wonder why? Maybe they are not easy with my greater linguistic and intellectual skills. Well we will never know.

Listened to a wonderful composition by Ravi Shanker. It was titled 'Discovery of India'. One of the most beautiful works of Ravi Shanker that I heard. The classical Indian instruments. The classical rhythms, beats and flourishes. Actually made you feel as if you are travelling on the oldest Indian Railways. The Jamuna river infront. The Taj Mahal rising from the reeds growing along the river. The towering white marbled minars. Hmmm. I seem to be getting carried away. Onwards!

Why do I love Pierre Auguste Renoir? Oh yes! I remember 'Portrait de Romaine Lacaux'; 'Danseuse'; 'Les Grands Boulevards'; 'Place Clichy'. Anyone who has any interest in art whatsoever. Please, I beseech you, watch these. At least online. It will show you so much beauty and such a beautiful array of colours that you have to WILL thank me. And even if you dont want to. You still have to.

Now comes my daily rant about Pakistan and Pakistanis (Karachi and Karachiites in particular).

I noticed a guy trying to cross the road UNDER a foot bridge. What the hell is it doing there? It is BUILT for you. It is built with your tax rupees. USE IT! MORON!

When will the Government of Karachi start to build those roads that it got those Rs 29 billion for? I mean come on Rs 29 Billion is a LOT. And those stupid measly patches of roads that they have built are an insult to all educated and politically aware Karachiites. Oh but there arent any of those. So it isnt insulting is it ? Hmmm. I think I should quiet down.

An interesting and long LONG day.

First of all I have made a few changes to the About Me section. Not any major changes but I have updated it ;) I have kept the old one to see how I change and develop with time. Or for that matter how I DONT develop and change with time. Sortof like a more sedentary and reflective blog.

I was also thinking about getting a website for myself. My blog will be hosted there. I can also have a page for my Urdu blog there. A page for the 100 things about me thing and a page about my basic info. This leaves one page. Which I think that now I can use as my photo blog. It is all in planning. I have thought of a WONDERFUL domain name which of course isnt taken. So I am keeping my fingers crossed that it doesnt get taken while I finalize all this.

I met R today. Much like what I thought he would be like. He speaks very slowly and lightly. Which was interesting to notice.

We met at the restaurant but decided that the THINK smell of coffee was horrible. So we decided to go to the beach. We selected a secluded spot. And talked. It was wonderful. It was a dark dark inky sea. With a few lights far out to the shore. The city behind us. The sea in front. The wonderful sea breeze. It was really nice meeting him. I like R.

Also when the FUCK will the roads in Karachi be built so that we the citizens can lead normal lives.

Also why the FUCK do people spit anywhere they please without thinking of it as wrong at all.

I have decided to try the one post a day thing. It is easier to take care of for me. And it seems to be easier for the readers. Although there will be breaking news and other material as well. So it is not a one post a day rule. It is a one post a day idea.

The following is basically in order of how things progressed in the day.

There is a guy in the neighbourhood. I have chatted with him and he seems to be educated, humorous and intelligent. When I met him I realized WOW! he is CUTE. Then I realized that he was coming onto me. YES. People do come onto me. I am not intrinsically unlikeable. But there is a catch. Yes there is always a catch. Well I dont know if he is coming onto me or is he interested in me as a friend because of our similar interests. So this can end in two ways. I can either lose my virginity to him. Or I can make a move and he will tell everyone that I am gay. Hence rubbing my family name in dust. I have no idea what I am to do. Except, brood over it and DESTROY my life.

There was a LOUD and LONG cat fight today. Sorry guys. It wasnt women. It was actual cats. And they were WILD today. Anyone who has seen a cat fight in person will know what I am talking about. Cats can be VERY VERY violent. Even more than most rightist religious zealots. Hmmmm. Sorry. Correct analogy.

Tomorrow I am going on a date to meet R. He has a boyfriend. So we are meeting as friends. And everything between us is strictly 'Platonic'. I hate him ;)

Today I had a wonderful chat with a very interesting guy. It was one of those chats on lets say semi-philosophical topics. I liked talking to him so I asked for his MSN address like I always do. He told me he wont give it to me. Then he told me is not so uncertain words that he didnt like to talk to me because I wasnt intellectual enough for him. Then he left the chat.

I wanted to go to the nearest petrol station. Drink a lot of petrol. Then suck on a cigarette. Or maybe even put it upside down in my throat.

I have decided NOT to start conversation with people on MIRC, MSN, AOL. I think I have been made to realize on too many occasions that I am intruding on people. And some of these people I know well enough to know what it means. Basically I am not fun/interesting to talk to. OK. Your call. I wont force my company on anyone. If anyone wants to chat I wont shun them. At least this way I wont be forcing my company upon others.

Also I have decided NEVER to ask for anyones MSN address no matter what. Since I cannot take rejection. I will not try to hurt myself so much. If someone else finds me interesting I would LOVE to have their contact. But I dont wanna hurt.

Then I realized that I am 23. And I am a virgin. I am a freak. I am a freakity freaking freak. I mean come on. If I told any of you that I am 23 and a virgin. You will not take me up to your place. Youd rather put down your drink and RUN!!! I mean come on I should have had sex earlier. Now it is not just sex it is a big deal. With every passing moment the pressure and the facade become more and more harder to grasp.

I was a HORRIBLE loser at the badminton match. I was BLOWN OFF because I wasnt intellectual enough. I was RUDE to a friend all day. I just realized that I dont know ONE WORD of my major in college. I have NO idea what I am doing in life. People find me BORING. So all in all. I am not good at anything that counts in life. Bad at sports. Bad at talking. Not caring. Unprofessional. Unambitous. God I am feeling very bad by the end of today.

Basic Information

Name : Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan (DUH! of course it is not real. Just a pseudonym)(In honour of Jalaluddin Rumi)
Age : 23
Sex : Male
Orientation : Homosexual
Location : Pakistan
City : Karachi
Self description : Funny, Smart, Cute, Sexy, Educated, Compassionate and Flawless (of course I am exaggerating, what do you think?)
looking for : Funny, Smart, Cute, Sexy, Educated, Compassionate and Flawless (of course I know I am being unreasonable)

100 point odyssey through my life. no particular order. CAUTION : proceed at your own risk.

001 - I am an idiot to think that any of you will like to read this list. But I am posting it all the same because, like I said I am an idiot.
002 - I like old nostalgic songs on TV.
003 - I like to listen to South Asian Classical Music (raagas for those who dont know what I am talking about)
004 - My friends and our friendship is very important for me.
005 - I use English spellings rather than American spellings.
006 - I like the sound of Azaan for Maghrib because of the feeling that it evokes.
007 - My fake sex buddy is David Fumero.
008 - I like to listen to Ghazals.
009 - I think that People who follow soap operas for more than 3 years should be relocated and not allowed to see that soap any more.
010 - I have fallen in love once and fallen out of it as well (after being dumped).
011 - The college majors that I wanted to do at some time in my life included Architecture, History and Urdu.
012 - I often say 'aray!' and also 'oh my god!' in real life.
013 - My favourite character on the TV serial Friends is Chandler, Frasier is Daphne, Everybody Loves Raymond is Frank, 3rd rock from the sun is Sally, Star Trek TNG is Commander Troy, Star Trek Original is Spock and Star Trek Enterprise is
014 - I dislike and oppose violence and war.
015 - I like pictures of beaches in Latin American countries (wow they are a HOT people).
016 - For me the biggest turn on is a 'man' (masculine and wild).
017 - For me the biggest turn off is if someone uses a linguistically incorrect sentence or if they talk in a bad accent (no hard and fast rules. I decide which accent is good or bad)
018 - I seriously dislike if someone uses wrong grammar in Urdu or English.
019 - I seriously dislike if someone uses wrong pronunciation in Urdu or English.
020 - I seriously dislike if someone has a bad accent (bad by my standards not any specific standard).
021 - I am very attracted to policemen. Specially uniformed policemen from America and Europe.
022 - I can understand written French, Farsi and Arabi crudely.
023 - I like to watch satellite images and aerial images of the earth and different parts of it (yes you are right. I am a big big BIG freak).
023 - Humour I like - Satire or Wit? Satire.
025 - My favourite modern time and place combinations. Paris under the sun king. Dehli under Shah Jahan. Vienna at the time of Mozart. London under Queen Victoria. Berlin 1938. New York now. Karachi now. (I also fantasize a lot about these and life there).
026 - My favourite English TV shows are Friends, Everybody loves Raymond, Frasier, Drew Carey show, Sex and the city, 3rd rock from the sun, Star Trek (The Next Generation, Original, Enterprise).
027 - When I went to the US I used to sit besides a lake a lot. The lake and its beaches were private property but noone lived on this side of the lake. I used to go in because I wouldnt be intruding on anyone. I was caught trespassing by a cop. I have this thing about cops and I had this huge thing about him at that time very muscular and all. To save myself from trouble I had to act as if I cant speak English at all. H bought it and he checked my passport and let me go. Of course I couldnt ask him out. I am such an idiot.
028 - My favourite job would be one where I get to live in many different cities and countries all over the world.
029 - I am currently working as a journalist in a newspaper. I write some of those inconsequential reports on the inner pages.
030 - I dislike bigotry and intolerance (by the way I am told that I am a bigot).
031 - Mehdi Hasan is my all time favourite composer, musician and singer. He has the best voice of all humans that sing in my opinion. (He is capable of giving me an orgasm just by his music).
032 - My fake boyfriend is Colin Farell .
033 - My birthday is on the 15th of September (I wonder why they dont call it the Ides of September).
034 - My Ethnic background is South Asian sub group Pakistani sub group Urdu Speaking sub group UPite sub group Yousufzai Pathan .
035 - I dont have any tatoos. I have no idea why people get them in the first place.
036 - I like the following comics Bizarro, Baby Blues, Wizard of Id, Rose is Rose, The Gambols.
037 - My favourite foods include Haleem, Biryani, Paay, Pulao and Nihari (yes I am a glutton).
038 - I have had a love affair over the internet with a guy in America from Ohio. I know how he likes his eggs. I also know what he wants to name his daughter. I have no contact with him since July 2002 (when he stopped replying to my emails all of a sudden). I have very much gotten over him by now.
039 - I have been doused in water 4 times in restauraunts by women. Women dont like my male chauvinist pig attitude. Frankly. I dont have one.
040 - People who think that putting out will get them love are not completely wrong (YES I can joke too).
041 - I am interested in history, movies, literature, music, art, news and politcs (NO I am not dull in real life also I consider these interests a plus in the man of my choice)
042 - I prefer fruit juices over water. Water over milk. Milk over coke(read carbonated drinks). Coke(read carbonated drinks) over nothing.
043 - Once there was a cold rainy day. I had to go to my room in my university and I got wet due to rain. when I reached the dorm the door was locked. I couldnt find my key. I needed to piss like hell. I tried to find a loo for half an hour. I was desperate. Suddenly. I let all those muscles and ducts and everything free. I stopped trying to stop it. And the moment I let go was the most relaxing moment of my life. It was a sudden relief of an immense magnitude. Although I agree it was the most disgusting thing anyone had ever blogged about. But it was the most relaxing moment ever (For those of you who might stop loving me after this please dont. This was a once in a life time thing. It will never happen again.)
044 - I have a Bachelors in Computer Engineering. Which by the way I hated and still hate.
045 - I am 6 ft tall or about 184 cms tall.
046 - In my whole life I have been on only one date. It was one of those wonderful and perfect dates. It was with T. At the end of the date there is nothing that I say was missing or should have been there. I dont think I will be able to go on a better date again.
047 - My Favourite musicians/composers are Mehdi Hasan, Ravi Shanker, Bare Ghulam Ali, Amir Khusrau, Eric Clapton, Beethoven, Tchaikovski.
048 - I dislike wearing suits and ties.
049 - Of the seven sins my favourite is lust.
050 - Favourite ancient time and place combinations. Memphis under Khufu, Mohenjodaro 2000bc, Persepolis under Xerxes, Athens under Pericles and Rome under Julius Caesar
051 - I am a virgin (no it is not a lie! I am a virgin! I didnt find the right person yet thats why).
052 - I spend an immeasurable amount of time on the internet.
053 - Shortcomings in someone. Nagging or Stupidity? Nagging.
054 - My all time favourite newspaper is 'Dawn' from Karachi Pakistan (I read it daily and love its format and content)
055 - Sometimes when you are sitting with friends and someone cracks a very good joke someone on the table might spew all the drink out in a geyser. I once cracked a joke that was so funny that two people sitting opposite each other did it at the same time. Giving me a view of two geysers going in opposite directions at the same time. So I am 1 of 9 humans to have seen something like that in the last 10 years.
056 - Sports that I play include Swimming, Cricket and Horse riding. The only one that I enjoy is swimming.
057 - I dislike narrow minded people
058 - Some of the Urdu writers that I like are Saadat Hasan Manto, Ahmed Nadeem Qasmi, Ibn e Insha and Bano Qudsia.
059 - I have black eyes.
060 - I once had a chance to get either my or my best friends grade improved in college. I got his grade improved. Never told him (putting this on my blog is a cheap shot).
061 - Likes in others. Beauty or Brains? Both.
062 - I have two blogs. One for the gay and blasphemous man that I am. One for the straight and conformist man that I have to pretend to be
063 - I once spent a whole day in my university to find at the end of the day that my jeans were ripped at an awkward location. And I was going commando that day. Noone ever jokingly called me a girl in college after that day. Even if I said that I like romantic comedies and want to have manicures and pedicures and facials for the rest of my life. Believe me I once said that just to check. I wasnt called a girl. I was called an effeminate man.
064 - Some of the Urdu poets that I like are Mir, Ghalib, Momin, Faiz.
065 - My favourite weather is overcast with slightly darkish clouds (kaali ghata), a mild breeze, light rain ( more like drizziling)(Phoaar) and sunlight breaking through the colouds far away.
066 - I dislike fanatics and fundamentalists.
067 - I love watching statisics and facts and figures. I love stock quotes and other figures and statistics that keep changing with time.
068 - My favourite times of the day are dawn(early morning) and dusk(late evening).
069 - I think honour is more important than money.
070 - I am currently living with my family (like all normal pakistanis my age).
071 - My zodiac sign is Virgo. I dont believe in astrology.
072 - I once got up at 4 am just to help my friend finish a project while he went to sleep till 8am.
073 - I once screamed like a girl during an earthquake. After the quake made fun of another friend and his girlish scream which in fact was mine. He said it was me. Sortof my word against his. Everyone still thinks that other guy was the one who screamed (I know I am a devil and I am EVIL)
074 - I was born in Karachi. Thank God.
075 - Favourite medieval time and place combinations. Venice in its glory. Dehli in the time of Amir Khusrau. Samarkand under Amir Taimur. Cordova in 1000ad. Baghdad under Harun ur Rasheed.
076 - My current dating status is that I am available and searching for someone right for me (yeah right! who isnt).
077 - I like the smell of burning incense.
078 - I dislike the political right.
079 - Some of the English(or translated into English) books that I liked very much Les Miserables, Passage to India, War and Peace, The god of small things, Lord of the flies, India wins freedom.
080 - There is no 80 because there are two 23s.
081 - My fake girlfriend is Catherina Zeta Jones.
082 - Sometimes, I say poetry in Urdu.
083 - I got my penis stuck in the zipper only once in my life. I was 9 at that time. It wasnt bad and I was saved a lot of problems. I always take care while zipping up.
084 - Favourite urdu TV dramas Waris, Tanhaaiyan, Aangan Terha, Chaand Girehn.
085 - I like the smell when the first drops of rain fall on the dry ground (soondhi soondhi mitti ki khushboo).
086 - A girl once asked me to marry her. We didnt know each other well at that time. Actually we had just spent less than three with each other all our lives. I fell down and died. I later learned that she says that often. She uses it instead of fuck off. Whew thank God. If it were true where whould I show my gay face again.
087 - College majors that I now wish I had taken when I was in college International Relations, Political Science, Sociology, South Asian Classical Music, History or Architecture.
088 - I prefer to use English dates (ddmmyy) rather than American dates(mmddyy). Otherwise I prefer to use my own system of (yymmdd).
089 - I was buying something from a convenience store once. When I went to the payment counter there was another guy there. I was about 17 he was about 25. He was SO SO SO hot. Well as I walked upto him he looked at me. I accidentally said 'wow!' while looking at him. I said 'wow!' while looking at him. He got flustered and left. I never forgot I said 'wow!'. I am such an idiot. I will never get laid.
090 - My hair colour is black
091 - I love these urdu movies Anand and one about the Rajhastani women who defend their fort.
092 - I would rate money after honour, integrity, honesty, relationships, family, friends and education.
093 - I love good music. Music is a very important part of my liife.
094 - I dont have any piercings. I have no idea why people get pierced.
095 - Once my best friend had to hold a whole sports event. So I helped him for five days in planning and implementing everything in that plan. I didnt sleep more than 3 hours on any one of those days. Then on the last day I fucked up and forgot to go get the guests. No event that year. Sorry man. I said I am sorry.
096 - Urdu is my first language. Although I am as comfortable in English as well. I think in both of them.
097 - My favourite international cities to live in would be Paris, New York, Istanbul, Cairo, Rome and Rio de Janeiro in that order.
098 - Some English movies that I liked very much Amadeus, Shakespeare in love, Contact, An ideal husband, Gone with the wind, Star trek(all of them), Legends of the fall, Gandhi, Jinnah and The courtesan.
099 - I really really dislike spam and spammers (they should be decapitated).
100 - If you just read through the whole list you are even more bored than I was while I wrote it. You also need a life. Maybe less than me but all the same. Or maybe you are interested in me. In which case the purpose of this list is fulfilled and you can drop me a line. Oh my good! I really need a life.

Whoever searched for aool.blogspot.com on google and found my site.

You are SO cute !!!

Just saw Intolerable Cruelty.

And I have to say.

Catherine Zita Jones. WOW ! I wanted to turn str8.

But then.

George Cloony. WOWOW ! Thank God I am gay and can appreciate him.

The movie is ok. I mean if you dont have anything else to do. Or you just wanna watch a light movie. Watch with someone preferably.

There is one thing I love about watching movies or tv with someone else. It is what I call 'the acknowledgement'. For example when there is someone humorous or something profound or something that elicits a strong emotion. At that moment you look at whoever you are with. And that person also looks at you. And you both know that it is a shared feeling. It is very interesting because it suddenly makes the movie or tv much more meaningful and with depth. Also suddenly it stops being the thing in the screen. It suddenly becomes something alive. Also I enjoy the shared moment and 'our moment' thing.

I used to miss that after college when all of us friends got spread all over the place. I didnt have people who have similar tastes. But recently my sisters are the ones that I share those moments with. Thank God. Or everyone would for ever think of me as a freak.

It is drizzling. It is not drizzling any more. It is RAINING !!! it hardly ever rains here in Karachi. After the record breaking rains during this summer. This is the first rain in months.


Just remembered an interesting rhyme that we used to sing when we were young and bathing in the rain. All those times jumping up and down in the puddles. The clothes that are wet sticking to your clothes :) The warm wind and the warm rain. Brings back so many memories.

allah mian barish day ...
say baras ki nani day ...

prosaic translation
dear allah give us rain
give us a 100 year old grandma

What is my excuse for being SO stupid? Well 10 years of age I would say. Well ... we WERE young.

I was thinking about this and it just struck me.

Why do people from Karachi differ in so many ways from the rest of Pakistan. Why does the character of the city differ from the rest of the country. Why is there a clear cut line between Karachiites and other Pakistanis.

I was thinking about this. And I saw a man with a briefcase. Fully suited, as in ready to go to a board meeting suited. Run after a bus a get on it.

There is when it hit me.

Karachi has gone over to the Industrial Age. It has crossed the era of the industrial revolution. That can be seen. You look around and you do not see a city from the Agricultural age like the other cities of Pakistan. You see a city in the Industrial Age.

Islamabad is much like the capital cities of Pre-Industrial periods. Lots of civil servants and their their families. Only the men work and very few women. Lahore is the centre of the Punjab province, the people from villiages looking for jobs, faimilies of the provincial elite, the centre of the provincial government. But when you come to Karachi. The financial and industrial centre of the country. The importance of Karachi is not due to government offices. It is due to the sheer production capacity in the city itself.

In ALL other Pakistani cities the vast majority of people come from ancestral villiages. Only a minority in Karachi does. In ALL other Pakistani cities the middle class is very very small and not visible and not effective . Karachi has a visible and large middle class that defines the character and culture of the city. Looking at all this is suddenly become evident.

We are in a different Era. Things are bound to be different.

Oh and yes an interesting thing happened today. My friends decided to play a prank on me. They suddely pointed to a fleeing black Corolla and said. Jalal. That is your car someone in running away in it.

I have NO idea what got into me. I started running. There was a BAD turning so I thought I can get them there. No I am not 007 and I am also NOT an idiot. When I started running I thought that I should make sure I can grab onto the windshield when I jump onto the car. Yes! all of you ... I actually thought that. I am such an idiot.

All of a sudden I stopped running. I remembered. I didnt come in my car to the restaurant. Then I remembered. I dont own a Toyota Corolla. And then I realized. My car is not black.

I looked around. All my friends quite far away from me. They were not laughing. They were SHOCKED. So was I. We didnt talk about that. They didnt make fun of me for BEING an idiot. I didnt tell them that IT IS NOT FUNNY. Because I am an idiot and they are not funny.

This serioulsy raises old doubts in my mind again. Am I human ?

When I was coming back from the dinner. The window glass in the car was open. And like usual buffeting blasts of air were coming in. And it was slightly cold. But the other windows were closed so the car was very warm. On my left hand. The cold blasts hit on the right half and the warm air on the left half. Was a VERY interesting experience. The hot and cold hot and cold effect was interesting and wonderful.

Well basically. I think things with ammi(mom) are ok again. I talked to R again and we patched things up. Thank God it isnt as bad as I thought.

I went to dinner with a few college friends. It was nice. I got called bitch 10 times and slut only 5. I am happy that I havent lost my touch. But I am slightly nervous at the fact that numbers are going down.

This puts a lot of pressure on me to do things that will get me back on the map. Already the part of my brain that fantasizes is out of control.


I think I will post later when I have something to say.

Its ok. I am calm again. And going to sleep. Post about all this tomorrow.




Why the fuck does this happen to me. The day I am in a horrible mood. R turns up on mirc. We start to chat. And I completely lose it at some point. He tells me he is irritable. There is a lag. And I have told him bye.

Why the fuck does all of this happen to me. What the FUCK is wrong with me. Why does this have to happen to me. FUCK IT! I hate this. Finally I find a normal guy. I dont know him well so I CANNOT fight with him. What do I fucking do. I go into a bad mood and fight with him.


I would go on but I will stop here. I have no idea why I stopped.

I saw someone online on MSN just now. The nick resembled that of my cousin so I clicked on it and asked her how she was and how was her little daughter. And it turns out that wasnt my cousins nick. It was the nick of a girl I used to go to school with. She was VERY good looking. This is the fourth time I have talked to her by mistake. She is going to think I am trying desperately to talk to her and that I am some sort of a loser and a freak. What will she be thinking about me? And GOD! I am SO gay she wouldnt believe. So at least I have some self-respect even if I have lost it in the eyes of others.

If only I can bang my head with something and forget COMPLETELY about this 'thing 'that happened.

To quote one of Iqbals poems ... although said in a VERY different context. "Cheen Lay Mujh Say Hafza Mera" (snatch my memory away from me).

Same old fucked up story

Well yesterday I was going into the I_want_to_be_in_love_with_mr_right phase. Then family life happened.

I hate it.

Now I am in the I_hate_my_life phase.

Its ok ... it will blow away in a week when normal posting will resume.

This is going to get ugly. So if you already know my pissant excuses to be miserable dont read ahead. Also I just scrolled up and it is ugly. I would request you not to read ahead. It is more of a note to myself.

Well I hate myself. I am having a bad day. It is horrible. I DO NOT get along with my mom. Yes there are times when we talk and laugh together. But that is not enough. I HATE this ok. And well I hate this.

I cannot move out of my house. Because 1- My mom will be very hurt. 2- My dad will blame my mom which will cause pain to both of them. 3- I will blame myself for failing to live a normal life with my parents. Now they are all very important. So basically if I do leave and get a place my own my life will be miserable. Like it is now.

Wow. Generally people have a way out. I DONT. ITS JUST MY FUCKING LUCK that I always getting a fucking choice. Oh and the choice is ... Pain .... Pain or MORE fucking pain. And I have to choose. It is like someone asking me .... Hey MrJalal you want you right hand to be chopped off or your left. Well I dont fucking want either of the two choices.

Then suddenly pops up a third. I go out jump into a lake or something or come under a Bus. Ending it all. OH OH BUT OH!!! Sorry you cant FUCKING do that. Because Allah put me in pain by making me a fucking faggot. Now he wants to hurt me and enjoy himself. So I cant kill myself. Because hurting other people around me in such a way is not fair in my opinion.

See how loving and caring I am.

Oh and yes. When I am VERY upset and I try to talk to people. They say that I am just joking and being a bitch. They ignore me. So I cant talk to anyone.

So what does this post tell you.

1- Jalal is unstable and should be left alone.
2- He cannot commit suicide coz Allah made him a faggot and wants him to be in pain.
3- He hates living with his family but has to.

Now if any of you have any interest in me for a future boy friend I am sure I have cleared any apprehensions.

Oh and yes. I remember what bought this on. I had a small verbal fight with my mom. And she said something about taking care of me and me not being fair to her. And what did I say. WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY !!! I said ... I didnt ask you to take care of me. Why didnt you just strangle me when I was young so I didnt have to live through this. Wow Jalal ... you are so cool ... I want you!

And since then I cannot tell you the expression on her face since then. I hurt her. I hurt her so bad. I cannot stand it. I do not want to hurt anyone. But I hurt her so badly. Her face is like someone just took away all her happiness and supplanted it with suffering.

Dear Allah. I am the one who is not upto your standards of a fucking conformist muslim idiot. Why are you hurting my parents. It is coz you dont know how much people can love each other ? Is it because of that ? Why did you create me ? Why ? So you can hurt my parents through me and see me miserable due to that ? I have to say. Nice Job. You rule.

Fuck. I am VERY into the bad phase.

Wow. 5000 people have been to this blog.

But I am thinking about only one thing.

WHY ? (accompanied by an expression of complete and utter disbelief, shock, awe, amusement, head tilting, nose raising, lip curling and head shaking)

YES. I know when to stop. Its not like I am out of control or something ... ... ... ... ... Why are you cutting off what I am saying because I think that ... ... ... ... ... (Public Health Message : RUN FOR YOUR LIVES DAMNIT!!! DONT JUST SIT THERE !!! RUN!!! OR HE WILL START SPEAKING AGAIN!!!)

Like I was saying. It is not like I am out of contr ............................................................

Well I didnt expect this but to my knowledge there are 15 blogs in Karachi. Yes. I think that is a large number.

I keep a list on a blog that I keep. KarachiBlogs

Another wonderful and awe inspiring MIRC chat I had 5 mins ago ...

[01:34:27] helllo
[01:34:27] asl
[01:34:46] hi :)
[01:34:50] 23 m khi
[01:35:44] 19 khi
[01:35:46] area plz
[01:36:29] :)
[01:36:30] AREA HERE
[01:36:47] hmmm
[01:36:47] bl?
[01:37:22] BLOCK HERE
[01:37:36] wher is n
[01:37:47] NEAR XYZ HERE
[01:37:55] welll...
[01:37:58] ok
[01:37:59] :)
[01:38:00] t/b/v
[01:38:04] dont know
[01:38:05] yet
[01:38:32] why
[01:38:34] welll
[01:38:44] by the way what you like
[01:38:50] :)
[01:38:54] i have no idea yet :)
[01:39:00] but generally sex ...
[01:39:01] :)
[01:40:05] wellll
[01:40:11] do u suck
[01:40:19] well i havent yet
[01:40:24] :)
[01:40:26] so i dont know
[01:40:49] ok
[01:40:52] welll.........
[01:40:57] i just wana know
[01:41:01] that what you like
[01:41:06] even you know that
[01:41:14] what you want to do in sex
[01:41:37] well ... :)
[01:41:40] i have to run man :)9
[01:41:44] it was nice talking to you :)
[01:41:47] but i have to run ...
[01:41:48] bye ....
[01:41:49] :)
[01:42:00] welll
[01:42:02] go bye

The results of the current poll ...

David Fumero 3 19%
Denzel Washington 1 6%
Tom Cruise 2 13%
Keanu Reeves 5 31%
Antonio Sabato Junior 2 13%
Brad Pitt 3 19%

A new poll is up.


I am going into the I_want_to_be_in_love_with_mr_right phase.

Right now I am only in the first steps.

Damnit. I dont want to go into any more phases any more.

I really need to get a haircut and I really need to shave.

Please dear Allah please! Give me the strength!

Most of my chats on Pakistani MIRC gay channels with people i dont know go like this ...

MrX (initating the conversation) ... Hi
Me ... Hi
MrX ... al
Me ... MY AL HERE ... u ?
MrX ... 'his al' ... stats ?
Me ... MY STATS HERE ... u ?
MrX ... 'his stats' ... area ?
Me ... MY AREA HERE ... u ?
MrX ... 'his area' ... place ?
Me ... no ... yar .... i am not looking for sex
MrX ... why ? top/bottom
Me ... yar i dont know yet
MrX ... why you not know ? (notice the grammar)
Me ... coz i am a virgin and i am not looking for sex
MrX ... you got place. i can show you sex.
Me ... yar ... i dont want to have sex ...
MrX ... what you say virgin ? (it means he doesnt know what a virgin is)
Me ... yar ... nothing i have to run ... bye (if only he saw my impression he would run away)
MrX ... so what like in sex ? (basically asking me to define my fantasies to him)
Me ... bye ... really gotta go ... bye

So basically they ask for the al ... when you are in Karachi they ask for your area in the city ... when you give that they ask you about your stats ... when you give that they ask you if you have place available to have sex. If you stop them there by telling them you are not having sex they will readily stop to TALK to you. They will ask you about what you like in sex. That is TALKING. UGGGG!

I am going to try my best to restrict myself to one post a day.


A rubai that I said today.

aasaishon kay shehr main roti ko tarastay
hain barkatain yahan wahan aazab barastay

in aafaton say ho gaee afkar ki bhee maut
khud ko kabhi to kabhi zamanay ko kostay

Prosaic translation

in the city of ease and plenty starving for a piece of bread
here are the bounties there the showers of problems

these calamities have caused the death of thought
sometimes we blame ourselves and blaming the age

apologies for the horrible translation

Coming back home today I saw something interesting. A BMW 318i. Oh but no. That is not all. The cars number plate was also 'BMW'. How cool is that. VERY VERY uncommon. Of all the BMWs in Karachi that one is the BMW.

Also ... lemme check something and see if I can possible correctly make strike throughs.

My current MSN nick ...

Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan / aool --- Psychotic Gay Blogger from Karachi ... aool.blogspot.com ...

I never thought I would say this. But I think after last night I have to.

Karachi is experiencing a winter.

Yes, the city that I never thought could have a cold weather. The city where last december in wore a full sleeve shirt once because I wasnt feeling well that day. The city where you will easily sweat at noon on the 3rd of January, even if you are not sitting in the sun. The city where people will turn on AirConditioners as late as November and as early as March. The city where CeilingFans do not get turned off at any time of the year, if I turn it off it gets so hot I cannot sleep.

Yes ladies and gentlemen that Karachi is experiencing a winter.

Last night when I went out to hang out with the guys. The light Karachi breeze wasnt warm and cozy like it usually is. It was slightly chilly and there was a nip to it. Which was awkward as it was the first time I felt that in Karachi.

Or maybe I am just growing old (at 23? HELL NO!!!)

Well the match was fun. Any sporting event with about 25 men in the age of 18-25 is sure to have a LOT of eye candy. Same was the case last night. Swoon! This next sentence might make me seem too much of a slut so those people who respect me should just over to the next paragraph. One of the guys that I was VERY interesting in wasnt wearing any underwear. :). Yes! I can tell the difference.

When we were returning from the match at about 0500 in the morning. The city was all quiet and empty. All the roads were empty but most of the people on the roads in the cars and motorcycles were guys returning from Cricket matches. Just like us. The month of Ramazan sees a lot of night Cricket and all the players try to get to thier homes by Sehri. Hence the interestingly heavy presnce of Cricket players on Karachi roads.

At night Karachi is the queen of the cities. Its lights and glitter and glow has earned it the appropriate title of 'Uroos ul Bilaad' (The Bride of Cities). Lovely Lovely Karachi. The heart of Pakistan. The brain of Pakistan. The shoulders of Pakistan. I love this city too much. It is a complete picture of the whole concept of Pakistan and what we are. What we are in every small aspect. It is a cross section of Pakistani society and culture.

It is the only part of Pakistan that can be called urban. It is the centre of Pakistani Culture. And looking at the manners, the dress, the food and all of those small and large variables. It is one of the last bastions of the Mughal Civilization.

I love Karachi!

Another Cricket match to go to.

Like always.

Death before Dishonour!

So I wont be playing.

I will be enjoying the game and the players ;)

Made a change to the Rubai

Here is the new corrected version

A rubai that I said 2003 10 31.

Kya Shafaq Subha Ki Hay Phooti Kya Hua Ujala Hay Dekho
Fasl-e-Gul Main Har Chehrai Nai Rang Jo Nikala Hai Dekho

Hay Naey Khiyalon Ki Basti Hay Naee Ummeedon Ka Alam
Yeh Waqt Anokha Hay Samjho Yeh Waqt Nirala Hay Dekho

Prosaic translation

has the light of day come has the light spread all over
in the new crop of flowers look at all the new colours of these faces

it is a city of new thoughts it is a world of new hopes
know that this is a unique time see that this is a rare time

again apologies for the horrible translation


I am thinking of introducing something into my blog.

Every Saturday I will post about something by the Urdu poet Asadullah Khan Ghalib. My favourite poet and thinker.

The section will be titled 'Ghalib'.

This weeks post.

It is the Maqta(last couplet) of one of Ghalib's Ghazals. The ideas, the thought and the beauty of the language define the phenomenon that is Ghalib.

Aatey Hain Ghaib Say Yeh Mazameen Khayal Main
Ghalib Sareer E Khama Nawa E Sarosh Hay

Prosaic translation
New ideas and thoughts come into my mind from the realm beyond
Ghalib the sound of the pen on paper is the voice of God

This is a very uncommon and unique thing that I do. Which I will share with all of you. This might NOT work for all of you so dont come crying to me.

I put up my favourite songs as alarms on weekends. A slightly late alarm with a very low sound. So I always wake up to the song playing. And it is light and seems like a sound coming for a distance. If I really like the song it is wonderful.

I was an awesome morning and an awesome day. Try it sometime. It is supposed to be fun.

To whoever searched on Google for 'living expense karachi pakistan' and due to the excellent AI of Google ended up on my blog.

Here is the answer. Something that I read in a newspaper editorial once. It is about the monthly income of 'families' which belong to the mentioned classes. Of course it is flexible since it was only an editorial.

Lower Class Rs 12,000 -
Lower-Middle Class Rs. 12,000 - 24,000
Upper-Middle Class Rs. 24,000 - 50,000
Upper Class Rs. 50,000+

Queen ... Too much love will kill you
Eric Clapton ... My father's eyes
Elvis ... Always on my mind
Mehdi Hassan ... Ku Ba Ku Phael Gaee Baat Shanasai Ki
Lata-Kishore ... Kabhi Kabhi

I consider myself truly blessed to have listened to these songs in this order. I consider myself one of the luckiest people that I can enjoy and feel and understand the beauty of all these songs.

Music is the sustinence of the soul. I very well known saying from the Indian Subcontinent.

Mehdi Hasan. Wow. He has the voice that will set sail a thousand ships to the distant shores of Illium (forgive me Homer ... forgive me).

Ill just enjoy the orgasmic pleasure aroused by the beauty of music.

Last night I was very sleepy. And I was chatting with two people. A friend from Karachi. His name is Sirus Khan. A friend from New York. His name is Makkie / MAK.

And I have to say. When I woke up now and I looked at all the chatting.


I didnt come off as ... well ... human ... by the way in which I was chatting. Now since both of you read this blog. I am sure you know that I am human. And will forgive me for acting like I have the intelligence of a Gerbil and the social skills of a Buffalo.

Well I just went out with the guys in the neighbourhood. We played Badminton for some time. And it turns out I suck in Badminton. (I know ... now get it out of the gutter !)

And well they ALL keep the Roza (islamic day long fast) and I dont. It seems to me that I am too far left for Pakistani society. I am too athiest for Pakistan. Hmmmmm.

Well I will not think about such things. I will be happy at the fact that tonight I met so many people and they had two things that I want in people I want to mix with. First an education. Second a working brain. I know I seem cocky and harsh. But the thing is that I need to continuously create humour. Sortof like a defence mechanism. Hmmmmmm.

Well I think I will think about the game and some of the players. Hmmmm. I think I am still warmed up from the game.

Now I will go and emulate human behaviour.

SInce I asked a lot about my nick aool. And I have to answer it ever time. This is what I wrote to someone in an email just now.

Regarding my nick as aool.

I went online over the internet. Did not know what to keep as a nick. I actually spent more than half an hour thinking about it. Then I saw that my cousin's computer had a sticker of aol on it. So my mirc nick was aol from that instant onwards. The new nick worked for a few days. Then from nowhere a guy comes up to me and says 'HEY LEAVE MY NICK!'

I say 'make me'. And while you are at it 'Eat My Shorts!'

He makes me. Does not eat my shorts. That CAD!

So I change my nick to aool to spite him and to prove to him that he is a big freaking loser. In effect proving the same true for myself.

Alas the twists of fate!

Now there is such a thing as dreams and there is such a thing as STRANGE dreams.

There is such a thing as waking up normally and there is such a thing as NOT waking up normally.

I dremt that I was a unicorn. Yes a UNICORN. And that I lived in Ancient Rome. I know I know. VERY VERY sttrange. Prime Time material. And that there used to be a group of Sabre tooth Tigers who used to kill unicorns. So I used to go to a town ask the people for help who always said no. And everytime I used to see the town differently constructed with different roads.

Then I saw that one day my beautiful horn gets stuck in the electricity wires overhead. Yes I know Ancient Rome and electricity dont go together. But it was a dream. You cannot blame a man for the content of his dreams. Well I kep trying to remove them but it didnt work. Then there was some commotion everyone ran away and a pack of Sabre tooth Tigers came along.

OK now this IS abnormal but rather than walking or running they were jumping like kangaroos. But MAN were they fast. I got my horn disentangled when they were a stones thrrow from me. Then I started running away. I was horrified. But what do I see. I succession of steps. A GIANT stop staircase. And I trip on the stairs. I try to run but I keep tripping on each and every step. And the roaring Tigers got closer and closer.

This was one of those extremely vivid and real dreams. I mean I thought it was real when I was there. It seemed very real and I didnt even get a hint that I am dreaming. But the moment I started falling on every step of the stairs. I must have chuckled in real life. I knew it was a dream. I always fall down so much on stairs and staircases when I dream.

Suddenly I woke up with a start and said. Thats better. Back to reality. And I started laughing. Then I look at the door of my room. And there are the Tigers. And I am like WHAT THE ... And then I wake up for real.

Now that is what I call a ride.

Oh and the thing with R didnt work out. So I am going to look for other mortals. Althought he is a normal human so I think ill keep in touch with him. Not often you get to talk to humans.

Ok so what. I am a slut. His name is R. And he seems nice. I have been chatting with him for 2 hours. We dont have so much in common though. But I like what he is telling me about himself.

God. I am a slut.

I love having long chats on MSN Messenger. But only with interesting men who can then become 'The guy' in my life.

Sortof what I am doing right now.

This makes me feel guilty. Since the thing with T didnt work out. Here I am being SUCH a slut so soon after I had that talk with him. It is horrible. I feel like I am a Pig.

Ok the results are out.

Question : Favourite eye colour ...

Black 3 19%
Blue 4 25%
Gray 2 13%
Hazel 7 44%

A new poll is up. And as always you think I am missing a choice. Leave me a comment or email me.

Computer game marathon week in college

I agree that I have been hooked to computer games in the past. I have been ok. BACK OFF! It is not as disgusting a habit as something like morning sneezing or rose smellling.

Well there is a story about my college days. It was a break for one week. So I decided to get a new game. A new computer game. Like I said BACK OFF! Dont judge me. And well I proceeded to do two things.

One complete isolation. Two me and the game(one of those LONG strategy games).

Lets just say that I played a LOT. I used to get up about 0700 everyday. Then I used to check my email and send replies. This will get interesting soon. I promise. OK. Then I used to go for breakfast. Where I used to eat a LOT. Since I didnt eat any other meal all day I had to eat a lot. Sometimes I surprised myself.

After the breakfast I used to buy a packet of biscuits and 1/2 litre pack of milk. Hating the fact that I had to waste so much time I used to rush back. I used to lock my room. I used to sit on the computer and I used to start my computer by about 0830.


Well I used to stop playing at about the time of Isha (Muslim call to prayer at night). Which is about dinner time the world over. So I used to put on an episode of startrek the next generation (lovingly called TNG) and finish the biscuits dipped in milk. That was dinner. As soon as the episode was over. I used to put the game back on.

I know. It is VERY VERY obsessive but come on it is a computer game. You put it on. Next time you notice that that isnt real life it is already 3-4 hours from that time. Suddenly you remember something and you say. OH!!!. You go back in and BAM! it is night time.

Well it was the game till about 0200-0300. Then I used to fall asleep and dream about the game all night. Then I used to wake up by the alarm at about 0700 ;).

Well all in all. I didnt do anything AT ALL during that 7 day period. Just me and the game.

I didnt take a bath. And I stank as hell. But who gives a damn when you are alone and dont want to waste time.

Yes I know what you are thinking. Why didnt anyone stop me? Well they tried. Many people tried to pull me back from heaven and for me to take part in strange social rituals called meeting people and talking to them. Well I couldnt do that. So I kept my distance.

It was one of the best weeks of my life.

Now dont get me wrong. I will always prefer the week with 'the' guy in Paris. If I ever had one.

OK will go on. Run off to your blogs now. I dont want to hog all of your time here.
Go on.


Second. The answer to the aforementioned question. I was so sleepy that I remember falling asleep twice while typing the post. I would suddenly wake with a start when my head was half way to the keyboard. And there were MANY times when the letters blurred. I feel so happy that I did this. Now I have it on record.

Third. The correction --- I am so sleepy. I am not going to correct my spellings. I didnt sleep tonight. I was up for Sehri. I went to the shop for something to eat. When I was coming back I was very very sleepy. I was on foot. I was walking very very slowly. Very very slowly. And I was so sleepy that I didnt want anything to disturb me. I walked slowly and I kept my eyes closed. I would walk slowly and then open one eye and then see the way and walk some more. So I dont fall over something. I walked very slowly and came home. It reminded me of my college days when I used to do this at times. And now I have no idea why I am writing this on my blog. Maybe just to see what I was like right now. As a snapshot into my mind. Ill correct this post in the morning.


Fifth. It did remind me of my University. At times I used to be so sleepy. That when I was walking I used to walk VERY slowly. And then I used to look with one eye and see if the road was clear. Then I used to walk with my eyes closed. Wow. Such wonderful carefree days gone by. Now I have to deal with work and my family. The former is going fine. The latter is a disaster.

i am so sleephy. ia m not goina to corerect my spelinsg. i didn t sleep tongihdt . i was up for sehri. i was lso sleepty. i went to the sop foe something to ear. wehen i was coming back oi wasas very very sllepey. i wasn on foot. i was walkgn very very slwoley. very very sloely.adn i was do slwwpye that is didnt want tnaything to disturn me. i walekd slowly and i kept emy eues clsodes. i woudlght waslk slwoly and then opeene one eye and tehen seehe way and walsk soem more. so i dont cdfall over something. i waslkted very slowly and came homer. it remfinded of amy collegae das wehn i used tl have to dd this at tiemns. and nwoe i ahve no idea why iam writing this on my blog. maye jsut ot see thweat iw as liek right now. as a snapsthaot int ot my minsds. ill corecte tatis post ofn the mroninf.

A wonderful Shaer(T. Couplet) from 'Ghalib'

Aatey Hain Ghaib Say Yeh Mazameen Khayal Main
Ghalib Sareer E Khama Nawa E Sarosh Hay

And here is a prosaic translation

New ideas and thoughts come into my mind from the realm beyond
Ghalib the sound of the pen on paper is the voice of God

I have always loved this Shaer as it shows the actual power of the pen and the importance wielded by it.

I did something yesterday. Slightly horrible. But slightly sane. Well I had a chat with T last night. I told him it is better for us to stop now than later. I think I handled it horribly. I couldnt meet him for some time now. But I had to talk to him. To not lead him on. Well I was thinking about it and I realized it was not going to work out.

Well so I am officially very single again. I hate doing what I did. But I had to. I feel like such a Pig.

It is shocking to see that in a city the size of Karachi(about 11 million people) there is not a working mass transit system.

Like I said. SHOCKING.

When will the City Government of Karachi realize that they were elected NOT to Islamize Karachi but to administer it.

Thi goes to show us that we should NOT vote for religious parties AT ALL.

I LOVE the comedy show '3rd Rock From the Sun'. At many occasions during the show I prefer to be kicked in my stomach as it is HURTING me due to excessive laughing.

I had an INTERESTING experience yesterday.

The necessary information needed by some to understand the following post.
Roza - Day long fast from daybreak till sunset.
Aftari - The meal that you eat at sunset after the day long roza.
Azan-e-Maghrib - The call to prayer signalling the sunset.

I had the chance to travel on Karachi's roads 15 minutes befor 'aftari' till 15 minutes after. Since nearly everyone in the city had a 'roza' they all have to make it to their houses or wherever till 'aftari'. Because it was slightly warm today I guess people would be HORRIBLY thirst due to the day long 'roza'.

Before the timing of the 'aftari' the traffic was WILD. The traffic was violently fast and horribly inconsiderate. Keeping in view that the 'roza' is supposed to teach patience. Strangely there was none of it. It is so unfortunate that people are ready to go thirst in godawful conditions but are not ready to think properly for one minute.

At the time of the 'aftar' as the sound of the 'azan-e-maghrib' started to come the traffic calmed down. Almost magically. By now the trafffic was getting VERY VERY thin. The crowded main roads of Karachi were very empty. After the aftari we had to travel a bit more. About 10 minutes after 'aftari' Karachi presented a VERY emptyish look. The roads were empty with very little traffic.

It was strange. I have never seen Karachi so empty in the day. Made me feel as if I am in a different city altogether.

I saw an interesting show 'Capital Talk' on GEO TV channel last morning. It was about India and Pakistan with special emphasis on Kashmir. There was an Indian peace activist, a Pakistani peace activist, a Kashmiri leader from the Indian held Kashmir and one from the Azad Kashmir.

The most shocking thing was that the participants seem to have broken new ground. As opposed all the previous times such discussions took place this time the participants actually showed that they had the power to think and deliberate. They showed rare presence of brain powers so seriously scarce in the Sub-Continent. The biggest delightful shock was when they were ready to acknowledge that the Kashmiris might want to have a say the future of their land.

The Indian peace activist was Begum Nirmala Desh Pandey. During the show I converted to her ideals. She is a powerful activist for peace. When she was asked about who she was representing when she came as a peace activist to visit Pakistan. She said that she was representing the World Super Power ... International World Public Opinion.

It is people like these that India and Pakistan need. It is people like these that will pull us up from the mess that we have created. It is people like these who will tell us what is right and what is wrong and teach us again how to be human.

We are the heirs to a five thousand year old civilization. It is about time we started behaving like that.

'Let a thousand flowers bloom in the valleys of the Indus and the Ganges.'

Detente in the SubContinent!

It has been long since I last saw you all. Too long! Well since my life is not as horribly boring as it was until two days ago. I have actually done some interesting things in this time. I actually seem to have evolved a bit during this period. I am now 0.63 human.

First of all I went to watch a match of night cricket. It was a nice match. Lots of men. About 30-40 of them. All in the 20-26 range that I like so much. Lets just say eye candy galore. I thoroughly enjoyed the night.

I might add that my interest in most things that normal humans then to call sports is superficial. The interest is usually more in sportsmen than in sports. Hence my trip to the night cricket match.

But this time I also enjoyed the cricket. Although it was a tape-ball match but it was well played. A few of the matches turned out to be real close. And along with my eyes I also amused my super testosterone charged I-am-DA-TOUGH-man syndrome when my team won the final. Followed by an unusually vociferous and loud display of masculine bravado.