09 Safar 1425

I just did something that I never thought I would get to do in my life. I taught someone something related to sports. I taught my younger sister how to hold a table tennis racquet and I taught her how to throw a basketball (assuming that that is the right way to hold it). I have just imparted sporting knowledge.

I am feeling so butch right now. I have to forcefully stop myself from shaving my beard with some sharpened knife.

To add to the whole feeling butch extravaganza. I played cards for about 3 hours tonight. Me and the guys played Courtpiece. You might not know this but I can get very competitive very soon. Since I usually always get over obsessive and this usually leads me to losing something that I contested in to the bitter end. That makes me even more bitter and jaded.

That is exactly what happened last night. I lost a lot and now I am feeling angry at myself and everything in general. Even at the fact that why am I writing this post in Opera when I am used to Netscape.

I think it is time to get some sleep lest I blather too much in this state of sleeplessness and irritation.

08 Safar 1425

I just saw an interesting movie today. Signs. The only thing that I noticed in the movie was Joaquin Phoenix. I mean. DAMN. He is very hot.

Hmmmm. That was my usual crazed, desperate, needy and pathetic state. Let me get back to my normal (unnatural) state so I can talk about things that you people can relate to and find interesting.

I was listening to some wonderful music today. South Asian Classical music. It was a CD of Ustab Vilayat Ali Khan and Ustan Bismillah Khan in a Sitar Shehnai duo. I have to say. I dont know any of technical terms that can describe the beatufy of this particular CD but I am sure it was a treat to all who enjoy this music.

To think that Ustab Vilayat Ali Khan just passed away. Leaving a blank space. Other may shine but his place cannot be filled. It was Ustab Vilayat Ali Khan. There can be no other.

It is unfortunate that one by one all the great Ustand of Classical music are no more. It is more unfortunate that noone else is taking their place.

A reminder that my Urdu blog is here.

07 Safar 1425

After I tell you what happened yesterday I am sure you will all be very proud of me. You will all be elevated in the eyes of the world for being people who knew Jalal before he became famous.

It is about me reaching new levels of psychosis. You all know I am fond of talking to myself at times. Sometimes on the blog. On many occasions when I was walking about or doing something else. Today was a very fertile (no you pervert, not that one) day in this regard. I was talking to myself. For your enjoyment I shall write down some of the sentences that I am pretty sure happened.

Jalal-1 : Jalal, Stop obsessing about it ok. STOP IT NOW!
Jalal-2 : Yeah of course. You are the one to talk.
Jalal-1 : How dare you talk to me like that!

And then suddenly something happend that took the whole level of psychosis to new levels. So thing that had never happened before. As far as I can recall.

Jalal-3 : Can you please stop talking to Jalal. It gets so crowded in here.

Suddenly I was shocked out of my wits. I mean I usually like to play two characters. But a third. It was a shock. It is as if he grew in there by himself. Nah I am only joking. Why do I get the feeling that anyone reading this blog will never want to be my boyfriend?

06 Safar 1425

I am sure you have realized that the last post is not my doing. I mean, come on. You all know I don't post such irrational things all of a sudden.

I am sure that after readin my blog my readers begin to have a low opinion of me. That is ok. I do not expect all of you to be good judges of character. What really makes me useasy is the light in which Google and Yahoo seem to view me in. My blog turns up in every result that can only belong to the twilight zone. It is very very embarrasing.

A few recent examples would be
mentally retarded people in Pakistan
what is love its time waste or one of the wrost thing in the life
pakistani slut

I mean come on. I know I am a paranoid, psychotic, lunatic, obsessive compulsive, evil maniac. But come on that gives then no right to call me that.

And yes my current love life leaves a lot to be desired. Seeing that it is non existent and sucky. But come on google search results ???

And the last one hurts! I am a virgin. I haven't done anything wrong. And I dont think that thinking about wierd sexual stuff for at least 3-4 hours a day makes me a slut.

So there ! I have given my side of the story. Now if you will excuse me some French Vanilla Coffee is waiting for me.

So Jalal, what the hell is wrong with you?

I mean why the hell aren't you able to carry on a normal conversation with people. Why the hell are you so seriously opinionated that everyone that you meet is repulsed.

I mean, Jalal, what the hell is wrong with you.

05 Safar 1425

A new outlook is up. If you do not like it. It is ok. You can join the club along with me, Frank Lloyd Right and Picasso. Although I hate Picasso but at times you just have to pay more importance to 'the cause' rather than to smaller issues like personal rivalries or the truth.

Today was an interesting day. I nearly had four accidents. If you want to ask me "However did you manage that?". Don't. I have no answer to that. It is completely unacceptable to do that without being drunk or in the presence of religious leaders.

I have recently noticed that my excitement level is very high. I usually do things that people only do once they are drunk or high or in states that they should not be made answerable for. This does not reflect well on the sedate, calm and collected gentleman that I hallucinated myself to be. Not at all.

Today was very windy in Karachi. Many carries / ambies / baby mangoes that are all unripe and bitter fell down to the ground. My mom immediately decided to hurt me and got me to gather them and bring them in. She made a wonderful chutney from it. I guess sometimes good things can come out of moving yourself from the chair.

A reminder that my Urdu blog is here.

04 Safar 1425

Today was one of those eventful and interesting days that we read about in novels and cheap self help books. Many things that others will find much more amusing happened to me today.

The day started by me waking up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed to get the paper which I read in the loo. The next moment I found myself lying with my cheek on the Firoz ul Lughat that I had put on the floor. I tried to get up but fell again. Then I realized that my left foot was completely asleep and I could not move it or feel it at all. After 5 minutes of massaging I hobbled around in my Byronic gait (Puh, I wish!) for the paper.

Then at mid morning tea in the office I accidentally dropped the cup on the floor. Everyone looked at me for an eternity.

At lunch I accidentally dropped my cell phone on the counter and it nearly went into the bowl of gravy. I say nearly because the attendant jumped about 10 meters within one franction of a second and caught it before it fell in.

Then finally at dinner the food was wonderful. I was eating as a hog. When I choked on my food. And the whole family was in an uproar.

I hope this day will end so I will have a new beginning tomorrow.

I have no idea how to ask for your forgiveness. But my ISP guy found out that I have been visiting this blog a lot. He asked me if I know about any blogspot sites. I told him they are popups from news and current events sites. The moron bought it. So I am taking a break from the blogging.

Again, I dont know how to say I am sorry for not posting. I will start tomorrow.

25 Muharram 1425

In normal households the woman of the house usually takes some interest in the working of the house. She makes sure that there is food and the house is clean. She teaches and educates the kids.

Well not in Pakistan. In Pakistan women dont work. They dont cook. The dont clean. They dont teach the kids. They have a دھوبن (washerwoman) to clean the clothes. They have a باورچن (cook) to cook the food. They have a ماسی (cleaner) to clean the house. And, they have a ماسٹر صاحب (tutor) to teach the children. What do they do? Honestly, I have no idea. Since they don't even usually look if the workers are doing the work properly the clothes aren't clean enough, the food isn't good enough, the house isn't clean enough and the children are all semi educated morons who have no idea what to say to the eastern greeting آداب (Aadab).

Yes, you are right. I had a huge fight with امی (mom). I told her all of this as well. So we are not on talking terms.

24 Muharram 1425

We live in a warm humid climate. That makes us experience a million things that cold and dry climates do not provide. I could talk about any of those but I will talk about mosquitoes.

Today over some horrid afternoon tea in the lawn I saw the mosquitoes in their prime. Since it was dark I could see couds of mosquitoes over everyones head. Suddenly the weather is warm and humid and mosquitoes abound all over the place making the lives of ordinary humans miserable.

I have wonderful news. I have lost ten Kgs of weight. It was all sucked by mosquitoes in the last two days. Right now my left arm is itching so much that I would readily peel the skin off.

23 Muharram 1425

It has happened before. But, this time it is different. I can feel it.

This whole India Pakistan thing. It was always a rollercoaster. Love hate love hate. It was a political game for our leaders. To get votes and for other political gains. Every time they used to create dissentions between the people. Spreading false propaganda and making us hate each other on the basis of religion. But no more.

This time I can feel a difference. I could feel it but it became evident during the first match between India and Pakistan. The way the crowd behaved. The five minute standing ovation for India. The feeling of friendship growing amongst us.

It seems like the time just before the dawn. When the light finally breaks through the dark of night and spreads all over the place. It was a long and dark night but I am ready for our day in the sun. We Indians and Pakistanis deserve some peace.

To the new dawn!

22 Muharram 1425

Oh my dear good God!

I slept 18 hours.

I slept 18 hours.

Oh my dear good God!

I slept 18 hours last night.

First One Day Of Indo-Pak Cricket Series

21 Muharram 1425

I am sure that after todays antics you are quite certain about what I did all day long. I am also sure that reading about how someone else, who you are not trying to get into bed with, spends his day is not something you might want to do. I am also sure than reading grammatically repulsive and humour challenged paragraphs are not your idea of weekend fun. But please. For my sake. And for the sake of cricket fans all over the world. Bear with me and read this post.

At about 0800 I was suddenly awakend by something. I could not pinpoint it, but I did have strange feelings in me. As the feeling peaked I realized what it was. It was the cricket match between India and Pakistan. At this time about 33,000 super charged cricket fans were sitting in the National Stadium Karachi. Emanating generous dosages of various chemicals. If it is still not clear where I am going with this - I am less than 10 kilometers away from the Stadium and live downwind. I was awakened by the scent.

Then I realized that today was the day of the big match. So I hopped around in my room like any crazed rabbit just bitten by an ant. After that I glued myself to the TV. And decided to keep updating my blog with the updates. I could use the hits.

During the match the crowd was initially very excited and made a lot of noise. Within 5 overs the Pakistani bowling attack and the sheer magnitude of its level of sucking quietened everyone down. The Stadium was full of dejected faces thinking about what to throw on the houses of our bowlers. Then suddenly a new idea hit them at the same time. So what if India is an arch-rival; so what if we are taught all our lives to hate India more than we love Pakistan (and the same goes for Indians); so what if they are our greatest enemies (same goes for Indians). So what.

The crowd started cheering for the Indian side. Since they were the only people playing on the pitch. The Pakistani side was just made up of crazed lunatics trying to throw balls in the general direction of the wickets. After another hour the crowd realized another thing - Although the Indian batting was good. But it wasnt because they are an excellent batting team (which they are). It was because our team sucked so badly that even Holland and Canada and Papua New Guinea would have beaten the hell out of them.

So the crowd just quietened down and decided to wait for their horrible death by A- Boredom and B- The pain inflicted on them by the cold blooded slaughter of cricket (which we all so readily adore).

During the second innings the level of euphoria, excitment and nail biting increased with time. The Pakistani batting attack made us all aware that Pakistani Cricket does not suck that bad our bowling does. For the last 20 overs the required run rate hovered around 9 per over. It is estimated that around 500 million people in India and Pakistan watched the match. They got a treat. The match was excellent. It was a complete cliff hanger for a long long time and during the last two hours I am sure noone in India or Pakistan was sure which way it will go. It was an exciting match.

All in all. The match was equal in pleasure to 1.59 orgasms.

And now, if you will excuse me, I have to go to sleep.

PAK - 344 - 50.0 Overs

We lost by 5 runs.


PAK - 306/3 - 45.0 Overs

The match is SO SO SO fucking close. It can go either way. OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

It is a sensatonal 10 overs.

A great day for cricket.

PAK - 258/3 - 40.0 Overs

The match is SO exciting now.

PAK - 214/3 - 35.0 Overs

The Pakistani batting side has performed well.

PAK - 184/3 - 30.0 Overs

Pakistan fucking rocks!!!

PAK - 152/2 - 25.0 Overs

Pakistan fucking rocks!!!

PAK - 114/2 - 20.0 Overs

PAK - 71/2 - 15.0 Overs

PAK - 40/2 - 10.0 Overs

PAK - 28/0 - 5.0 Overs

IND - 349 Runs

I deeply sympathise with Dravid.

Pakistan gave 38 extras. That is equal to the world record of extras given in a one day innings. Good job Pakistan. You have the world record for sucking at cricket.

IND - 324/4 - 45.0 Overs

Oh dear God!

IND - 278/4 - 40.0 Overs

The Indians have started scoring faster now.

IND - 246/4 - 35.0 Overs

The slow creeping malaise of the 30s overs.

IND - 223/4 - 30.0 Overs

An excellent catch.

And (on a gayer note)
Muhammah Kaif ... Growl
Shoaid Malik ... Growl

IND - 203/2 - 25.0 Overs

The crowd in the stadium is so so so. At first they were excited. Then they started cheering the Indian team because of the runs. Now they are just quiet.

There can be no good cricket game when only one team is playing.

IND - 174/2 - 20.0 Overs

Just so depressed.

IND - 143/2 - 15.0 Overs



The Pakistan cricket team FUCKING SUX !!!

We got the damned wickets because of the fault of the Indian Batsmen and they got the runs due to our shoddy bowling. The Indian team has nothing to do with the evident victory that they are going to get. It is all due to the pathetic cricket played by Pakistan.

IND - 79/1 - 10.0 Overs


I hate my team.

If anyone ever says Pakistan has a good bowling side I will bite his head off.

1st Innings ...

IND - 41/0 - 5.0 Overs

GOD DAMN IT !!! Too many extras.

GOD DAMN IT !!! Dropped a catch during the first over.

GOD DAMN IT !!! There was a catch on a NO BALL during the third over.

Pakistan won the toss and chose to bowl.


AA WOO HOOOOO !!!!!!!!

I will keep putting up updates ...

20 Muharram 1425

I was talking to my friend H from Toronto a few days ago. He made me realize one thing. I am a gay muslim. To the ensuing question of 'You didn't know that before?' my answer would be 'Yes, I knew that before, DOH! But I am only understanding the ramificiations now'. Those of you who haven't stopped reading this post, I promise it will get better.

You see muslim men are allowed to marry four women at a given time. I am gay. And I am a Muslim. So I should be allowed to marry 4 men at any given time. Which in effect would also mean that I should be allowed to be going out with 4 different men at the same time. And of course I am not saying this because of any desire of unbridles hedonsitic pleasure, I am saying this because it is allowed in my religion.

Also, since it is allowed by religion, I don't think that anyone should feel uncomfortable about this. And I would also like it if my husbands / boyfriends married / went out with three others to have a full set of four with them as well. See, I am not one who will stop others from doing what I myself enjoy. And, after all, it is about what is allowed by religion and now about unbridled hedonistic pleasures.

19 Muharram 1425

So, I have a date on Sunday. I have no idea why, but that idea makes me very cheerful. I have told him that I will not have sex with him on our first date. But then again, people change their minds and do stupid things that A- they later regret openly 2- they feel good about doing it. I will tell you all about it on Sunday. Or, on monday morning.

I cant close my mouth. My teeth are budding out of my mouth.

And right now I am drinking the best cup of coffee that I have had in a long long time. The (نمکپارہ) namakparas that I am having are excellent as well. As well as the fact that I just had a wonderful time with my sister today. One episode of Scrubs and laughing out intestines out.

I am so happy today.

And I made my monthly change to my Personal Information Weblog.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here.

Basic Information

Name : Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan (DUH! of course it is not real. Just a pseudonym)(In honour of Jalaluddin Rumi)
Age : 23
Sex : Male
Orientation : Homosexual
Location : Pakistan
City : Karachi
Self description : Funny, Smart, Cute, Sexy, Educated, Compassionate and Flawless (of course I am exaggerating, what do you think?)
looking for : Funny, Smart, Cute, Sexy, Educated, Compassionate and Flawless (of course I know I am being unreasonable)

19 Muharram 1425

100 point odyssey through my life. no particular order. CAUTION : proceed at your own risk. March 2003 / Muharram 1425 Version.

001 - I am an idiot to think that any of you will like to read this list. But I am posting it all the same because, like I said, I am an idiot.
002 - I like old nostalgic songs on TV.
003 - I like to listen to South Asian Classical Music (raagas for those who dont know what I am talking about).
004 - My friends and our friendship is very important for me.
005 - My favourite chemical is Testosterone.
006 - I like the sound of Azaan for Maghrib because of the strange mixture of feelings that it evokes.
007 - My fake sex buddy is David Fumero (Preferably along with his brother).
008 - I like to listen to Ghazals and Mehdi Hassan is my all time favourite.
009 - I have been exercising since the last 2 months. And I am seeing some positive changes. (I stopped and I started again two days ago - No changes)
010 - I have only gone with two people on what might be called dates. But we agreed that they are not dates. We decided they were "meeting things". If you think this was lame. You are in for a ride.
011 - The college majors that I wanted to do at some time in my life included Architecture, History, Political Science and Urdu.
012 - I once hid under a bed in my nani's (maternal grandmothers) house and fell asleep. It took people about 5-6 hours to find me. Then I was spanked like hell. I never sleep in hidden places since. Also because I am slightly edgy of the dark when I am alone.
013 - My favourite character on the TV serial Friends is Chandler, Frasier is Niels, Everybody Loves Raymond is Deborah, 3rd rock from the sun is Sally, Star Trek TNG is Commander Troy, Star Trek Original is Spock and Star Trek Enterprise is Tripp.
014 - I dislike and oppose violence and war to the extent of using them to end them. Yes I am very confusing and confused.
015 - I like pictures of beaches in Latin American countries (wow there are some HOT people over there).
016 - For me the biggest turn on is a 'man' (masculine, rough and wild).
017 - For me the biggest turn off is if someone uses a linguistically incorrect sentence or if they talk in a bad accent (no hard and fast rules. I decide which accent is good or bad).
018 - I dislike if someone uses wrong grammar and/or pronunciation in Urdu or English.
019 - My MBTI personality type came out to be ENT and 5050 for P and J.
020 - On my first gay party. I ended up kissing four guys. The first one for 50 minutes. And I did not have one drop of alcohol.
021 - I am very attracted to policemen. Specially uniformed policemen from America and Europe. Also there is an interest in people from the Medical field.
022 - I can understand written French, Farsi and Arabi crudely.
023 - I like to watch satellite images and aerial images of the earth and different parts of it (yes you are right. I am a big big BIG freak).
023 - Humour I like - Satire or Wit? Satire.
025 - My favourite modern time and place combinations. Paris under the Sun King. Dehli under Shah Jahan. Vienna at the time of Mozart. London under Queen Victoria. Berlin 1938. New York now. Karachi now. (I also fantasize a lot about these and life over there).
026 - My favourite English TV shows are Friends, Everybody loves Raymond, Frasier, Drew Carey show, 3rd rock from the sun, Star Trek (The Next Generation, Original, Enterprise) and Scrubs.
027 - When I went to the US I used to sit besides a lake a lot. The lake and its beaches were private property but noone lived on this side of the lake. I used to go in because I wouldnt be intruding on anyone. I was caught trespassing by a cop. I have this thing about cops and I had this huge thing about him at that time since he was very muscular and all. To save myself from trouble I had to act as if I cant speak English at all. He bought it and he checked my passport and let me go. Of course I couldnt ask him out. I am such an idiot.
028 - My favourite job would be one where I get to live in many different cities and countries all over the world.
029 - I am currently working as a journalist in a newspaper. I write some of those inconsequential reports on the inner pages which are corrected by my seniors. I also look for possible news items which get promptly rejected by my superiors.
030 - I dislike bigotry and intolerance (by the way I am told that I am a bigot and intolerant).
031 - Mehdi Hasan is my all time favourite composer, musician and singer. He has the best voice of all humans that sing in my opinion. (He is capable of giving me an orgasm just by his music).
032 - My fake boyfriend is Rupert Everett.
033 - My birthday is on the 15th of September (I wonder why they dont call it the Ides of September).
034 - My Ethnic background is South Asian sub group Pakistani sub group Urdu Speaking sub group UPite sub group Yousufzai Pathan .
035 - I can not accept someone being angry with me. It is a major weakness.
036 - I like the following comics Bizarro, Baby Blues, Wizard of Id, Rose is Rose, The Gambols.
037 - My favourite foods include Haleem, Biryani, Paay, Pulao and Nihari and well I think I should stop or I will keep going on and on and on and on (You get the idea).
038 - I am horribly afraid of meeting up with guys. Specially those I meet over the internet. I have no idea why.
039 - I have been doused in water 4 times in restauraunts by women. Women dont like my male chauvinist pig attitude. Frankly. I dont have one.
040 - At times I make strange jokes and laugh at them all by myself and stare around awkwardly at everyone else who is looking at me because of the joke and the ensuing hysterics.
041 - I am interested in history, movies, literature, music, art, news and politics (NO I am not dull in real life, also, I consider these interests a plus in the man of my choice)
042 - I prefer fruit juices over water. Water over milk. Milk over coke(read carbonated drinks). Coke(read carbonated drinks) over nothing.
043 - Once there was a cold rainy day. I had to go to my room in my university and I got wet due to the rain. when I reached the dorm the door was locked. I couldnt find my key. I needed to piss like hell. I tried to find a loo for half an hour. I was desperate. I was in immense pain and I didnt know what to do. Suddenly. I let all those muscles and ducts and everything free. I stopped trying to stop it. And the moment I let go was the most relaxing moment of my life. It was a sudden relief of an immense magnitude. Although I agree it was the most disgusting thing anyone had ever blogged about. But it was the most relaxing moment ever (For those of you who might stop loving me after this please dont. This was a once in a life time thing. It will never happen again.)
044 - I have a Bachelors in Computer Engineering. Which by the way is a subject that I hated and that I still hate with a vehemence very uncommon to humans.
045 - I am 6 ft tall or about 184 cms tall.
046 - My first date was one of those wonderful and perfect dates. It was with T. At the end of the date there is nothing that I say was missing or should have been there. I dont think I will be able to go on a better date again. Ever.
047 - My Favourite musicians/composers are Mehdi Hasan, Ravi Shanker, Bare Ghulam Ali, Amir Khusrau, Eric Clapton, Beethoven, Tchaikovski.
048 - I dislike wearing suits and ties and other formal clothing as a matter of routine.
049 - Of the seven sins my favourite is lust. There is no least favourite. I love them all.
050 - Favourite ancient time and place combinations. Memphis under Khufu, Mohenjodaro 2000bc, Persepolis under Xerxes, Athens under Pericles and Rome under Julius Caesar. Needless to say I would love to go any of them and I fantasize a lot about them.
051 - I am a virgin (no it is not a lie! I am a virgin! I didnt find the right person yet thats why)(And, YOU! In the back benches. Don't you dare call me lame again).
052 - A bit of unsolicited advise I give everyone. If you are a guy. Do not wear Pink shoes to work.
053 - Shortcomings in someone. Nagging or Stupidity? Stupidity.
054 - My all time favourite newspaper is 'Dawn' from Karachi Pakistan (I read it daily and love its format and content).
055 - Sometimes when you are sitting with friends and someone cracks a very good joke someone on the table might spew all the drink out in a geyser. I once cracked a joke that was so funny that two people sitting opposite each other did it at the same time. Giving me a view of two geysers going in opposite directions at the same time. So I am 1 of 9 humans to have seen something like that in the last 10 years.
056 - Sports that I play include Swimming, Cricket and Horse riding. The only one that I really enjoy is swimming.
057 - I dislike narrow minded people.
058 - Some of the Urdu writers that I like are Saadat Hasan Manto, Ahmed Nadeem Qasmi, Ibn e Insha and Bano Qudsia.
059 - Something that I have been saying a lot recently - No, I am not in love with you.
060 - I once had a chance to get either my or my best friends grade improved in college. I got his grade improved. Never told him (putting this on my blog is a cheap shot, but I am sorry, I have an uncontrollable urge to please people).
061 - Likes in others. Beauty or Brains? Both.
062 - I have two blogs. One for the gay blasphemous man that I am in English. One for the gay blasphemous man that I am in Urdu.
063 - I once spent a whole day in my university to find at the end of the day that my jeans were ripped at an awkward location. And I was going commando that day. Suffice to say that noone ever jokingly called me a girl in college after that day. Even if I said that I like romantic comedies and want to have manicures and pedicures and facials for the rest of my life. Believe me I once said that just to check. I wasnt called a girl. I was called a metrosexual.
064 - Some of the Urdu poets that I like are Mir, Ghalib, Momin, Faiz.
065 - My favourite weather is overcast with slightly darkish clouds (kaali ghata), a mild breeze, light rain (more like a drizzle)(Phoaar) and sunlight breaking through the clouds far away.
066 - I dislike fanatics and fundamentalists(although I am a fanatic).
067 - I love watching statisics and facts and figures. I love stock quotes and other figures and statistics that keep changing with time. I can watch them for LONG LONG intervals of time ... like 2-3 hours without even getting a hint of being bored (Light background noise ... tweek tweek tweek(reminiscent of "Psycho")).
068 - My favourite times of the day are dawn(early morning) and dusk(late evening).
069 - I think honour is more important than money.
070 - I am currently living with my family (like all normal pakistanis).
071 - My zodiac sign is Virgo. I dont believe in astrology.
072 - I once got up at 4 am just to help my friend finish a project while he went to sleep till 8am. No, no, He paid me for it.
073 - I once screamed like a girl during an earthquake. After the quake made fun of another friend and his girlish scream which in fact was mine. He said it was me. Sortof my word against his. Everyone still thinks that other guy was the one who screamed (I know I am a devil and I am EVIL)(Hey watcha doin there Mephisto Bud).
074 - I was born in Karachi. I live in Karachi. Thank God.
075 - Favourite medieval time and place combinations. Venice in its glory. Dehli in the time of Amir Khusrau. Samarkand under Amir Taimur. Cordova in 1000ad. Baghdad under Harun ur Rasheed.
076 - My current dating status is that I am available and searching for someone right for me (yeah right! who isnt).
077 - I like the smell of burning incense.
078 - I dislike the political right ... or the religious right for that matter.
079 - Some of the English(or translated into English) books that I liked very much Les Miserables, Passage to India, War and Peace, The god of small things, Lord of the flies, India wins freedom.
080 - There is no number 80 because there are two number 23s.
081 - My fake girlfriend is Catherina Zeta Jones.
082 - Sometimes, I say poetry in Urdu(sometimes)(but not lately).
083 - Unlike most men I got my penis stuck in the zipper only once in my life. I was 9 at that time. It wasnt that bad and I was saved a lot of problems. But it was a horrible experience all the same. I always take care while zipping up.
084 - Favourite urdu TV dramas Waris, Tanhaaiyan, Aangan Terha, Chaand Girehn.
085 - I like the smell when the first drops of rain fall on the dry ground (soondhi soondhi mitti ki khushboo).
086 - A girl once asked me to marry her. We didnt know each other well at that time. Actually we had just spent less than three hours with each other all our lives. I fell down and died. I later learned that she says that often. She uses it instead of fuck off. Whew thank God. If it were true where whould I show my gay face again.
087 - College majors that I now wish I had taken when I was in college International Relations, Political Science, Sociology, South Asian Classical Music, History or Architecture.
088 - I prefer to use English dates (ddmmyy) rather than American dates(mmddyy). Otherwise I prefer to use my own system of (yyyymmdd).
089 - I was buying something from a convenience store once. When I went to the payment counter there was another guy there. I was about 17 he was about 25. He was SO SO SO hot. Well as I walked upto him he looked at me. I accidentally said 'wow!' while looking at him. I said 'wow!' while looking at him. He got flustered and left. I never forgot I said 'wow!'. I am such an idiot. I will never get laid.
090 - Like most Pakistani men I have been hit in the groin while batting in Cricket. Well we were playing with a hard ball. And I was wearing a guard that is why I managed to live. The bowler was a super fast bowler. It was one of the most painful moments of my life. But thank god little Jalal and the twins are fine.
091 - I love these urdu movies Anand and one whose name I forget but it was about the Rajhastani women who defend their fort.
092 - I would rate money after honour, integrity, honesty, relationships, family, friends and education.
093 - I love good music. Music is a very important part of my life. I havent gone a full day without specifically listening to my music for a long time.
094 - The following story is about a one time thing. So do not hate me, for I have changed. Once when I was in college I decided to do a fortnight computer games marathon. I stocked up on food and put it on the computer table. Then for 14 days. I did not do anything except eat and sleep and play computer games. I did not take a bath for 14 days. Yeah. 14 days. But it was a fun as hell fortnight and I got cleaned afterwards.
095 - Once my best friend had to hold a whole sports event. So I helped him for five days in planning and implementing everything in that plan. I didnt sleep more than 3 hours on any one of those days. Then on the last day I fucked up and forgot to go get the guests. No event that year. Sorry man. I said I am sorry.
096 - Urdu is my first language. Although I am as comfortable in English as well. I think in both of them. I wish I knew how to speak French and Farsi(Persian).
097 - My favourite international cities to live in would be Paris, New York, Istanbul, Cairo, Rome and Rio de Janeiro in that order.
098 - Some English movies that I liked very much Amadeus, Shakespeare in love, Contact, An ideal husband, Gone with the wind, Star trek(all of them), Legends of the fall, Gandhi, Jinnah, The courtesan.
099 - I really really dislike spam and spammers (they should be decapitated).
100 - If you just read through the whole list you are even more bored than I was while I wrote it. You also need a life. Maybe less than me but all the same. Or maybe you are interested in me. In which case the purpose of this list is fulfilled and you can drop me a line. Just by saying that I realized that ... Oh my good! I really need a life.

18 Muharram 1425

Last night was a bad night. The network was down all night. Hence no posts.

Remember I posted about a Dr. S a few days ago. Well after spending a lot of time with me online he apparently decided he doesnt like me any more and hasn't contacted me in four days. His loss. I can not say anything more except that if any of you want to have only sex with me. The proper question is "will you have sex with me Jalal ?". Not emotionally blackmailing me by talking to me as if you were really interested.

In other news I got to talk to a college friend S.A.R. after a very long time. He is doing fine in his studies and he had managed to find the company of good people to be with. I think the greatest wish would be to want the company of great individuals (not great people, great indivuduals).

And in interesting news. My sister slipped today. I kept making fun of her for 2 hours. And then during the course of day I managed to slip threefour times. And my whole family made fun of me all day long. I think they are just horrible people to make fun of me when they should be comforting me and makeing fun of my no good sister who hasnt even learnt how to stand properly.

I just cant get some people.

16 Muharram 1425

OK. Now I am sure this is my phase. When I thought I skipped it by being depressed /angry /irritable for only one day I was excited at being finally grown up. Well that did not happen. Here I am.

This time I am in that phase.

Which means either of the two. One, mild phase, I make short posts so I dont hurt my readers beyond any chance of repair to their mental well being. Two, strong phase, I make long posts so that I do hurt my readers beyond any chance of repair to their mental well being.

15 Muharram 1425

How overworked can a guy be? That is the question buffeting the minds of millions of hardworking people (begin: crazed commie rant) and of a few blood sucking capitalist (P-word)s who own big corporations and thrive on the blood and sweat of other humans (end : crazed commie rant). I have found the answer today.

I have slept only 4 hours in the past two days. I have written at least 10,000 words in the past two days. And yes, being grammatically, syntactically and semantically correct are basic requirements that take time and effort. (begin: anti fate rant) And languages are a tool made by the powers that be in the wee hours of human history only for the sole reason of hurting me and putting me, Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan, in misery and pain. To feel the wonders of seeing an innocent and perfect human being in pain and writign abotu in the dust obsessing over the deadlines (end: anti fate rant).

I have a vague feeling that these differnt kinds and genres of rants will keep coming and going as this post progresses. So I think I will just stop here and spare you the wonder that is Jala.

14 Muharram 1425

I am experiencing a bit of euphoric excitement today (No one should dare to mention my collection of music and its untimely demise). The reason being a guy. I will call him Dr. S right now. Apparently he saw me at the party and could not approach me. I got a 'vague' idea that this was due to the fact that I was kissing everything that moved and wasnt already involved in tonsil tennis.

He said he liked me a lot. And that he would want to meet me. But after a couple of weeks, since he is busy now. This has made me strangely happy. I don't know him that well but I liked him from the interaction that we did have. So I am hoping something will happen in the future. But let's see.

In other news. I have started to recollect my Music collection. But it will take a very long time.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.

13 Muharram 1425

I will not whine. I will not whine. I will not whine! I Will Not Whine! I WILL NOT WHINE!

OK, What they hey, I think I will whine.

I had a music collection made up of MP3s on about 16 Gigabytes. I accidentally formatted the partition into NTFS and lost all of the data.

I am shattered.

I will blog about that later on, when I am alive.

Oh and I failed to mention. I met someone interesting on the net :) For the time being I will only call him Dr Sahab ;).

A joke that I just made up ...

(Trumpets ...)

Her Most Canine Majesty ... The Empress of Bitch.

Special Ashura Post

10 Muharram 1425

‏I am sure you will all forgive me for not blogging yesterday after you read this post. And if you still don't find it in your cruel hearts to forgive a poor being like me then I can say nothing except "Please date me I am desperate".

We had a long weekend from Saturday to Tuesday due to the 9th and 10th of Muharram. At about 1035 on the 9th of Muharram I was deep in slumber. If I recall correctly I was dreaming about a giant rabbit that jumped very high and I wanted to compete with. But no fate had to make me lose and my cousin woke me up. The rest of the day is a perfect example of a day in psychosis. I hadn't had enough sleep so I was slightly woozy all day long. I was slightly tired all day long as well.

But the day went in the preperation for what we do on the night of Ashura every year. That is, in the preperation of 'Haleem'. 'Haleem' is a South Asian dish that includes cereals, lentils, meat, spices and a lot of other food items. I think it has the largest number of ingredients in out whole cuisine except for 'shab degh'. And we had to get all of those things in one day. Including the 'Degh' and other things used in the process of cooking.

Lets just say that it took us 8 hours to get everything. Of course most of this time was spent lazing about and asking each other from the group to work. And we finally managed to get what we needed. Then we decided to play cards and basically waste time until someone else started working on the Haleem while we sat and played. Well, we are all very sharp. So we had to get up at around 2200 and work on the whole thing. Now here is where I hit the hazy part since things were going about fast.

We first put about 5,697 pots of different cereals, lentils, meats, bones and spices on different pots to warm. And then we all had to keep continuously moving those things so they dont get burned. Not as fun as it seems or sounds from this blog. So after two hours of slaving some of us guys took a time out form the work and went for a drive. During the course of this drive we went to see a little Matam.

About Matam. Long story short. About 50 years after the demise of our Prophet Muhammad there was a conflict over who should be the Khalifa (Caliph) of the Muslims. The nephew of our Prophet was Hazrat Imam Hussain. And the Khalifa was Yazid ibn e Muawiya. Yazid murdered Imam Hussain and his entourage slowly in cold blood on the 10th of Muharram. There are two major sects amongst muslims. The Shias and the Sunnis. The Shias till this day grieve for the death of Imam Hussain who they profess as their spiritiul head. This they show by doing matam, the closest English translation would be self Flagellation to show the pain that they feel. Sunnis in general consider the whole process of Matam as wrong but there are different opinions some are ready to accept it, some are ready to bear it and some are ready to stop it. All shades of opinion here.

So let me tell you what I saw there. There was a Noha being played. It had a strong, hard and regular beat. That was the que to hit yourself. There were many different kinds of matam there. Some just hit their chests with their open palms. Some lightly some strongly. This was by far the least violent of the lot. Then there was another group which hit their backs with wound up pieces of rope. Seemed very very painful but there was no blood. Then there is a group of people that hits their backs with metallic chains. Yes, It must hurt a lot. Still no major blood. Just a little bleeding but that is it. Then there is another group of people. They have small knives attached to the end of the chains. So it is very bloody and people get big wounds. And if there are a lot of people the ground gets wet with blood. Then there is a group of people who do matam with swords called Qama ka Matam. They hit their heads with swords lightly. Then there is the penultimate matam walking on glowing coals. Actually walking on glowing coals.

So we spent abotu 2 hours watching people do all sorts of matam. A very strange experience if you ask me.

Then we came back to take a look at the Haleem. It seemed that nothgin went amiss in our absence. Everything went according to schedule. Everything was cooked and ready. Now all that remained to be done was to to mix up the things in correct proportions and to start churning them. This took a little while and we sat down to play cards. While the younger crop of boys was made to churn the Haleem. Called Ghota in Urdu it means to churn the Haleem using a wooden spoon so that all the cereals will get mashed. This takes a long time and is very hard work.

We really felt bad for those guys who were doing it. While we played cards and had a lot of tea.

Really bad.

We are such nice people.

Then when the Haleem was done after hours of hard labour we divided into packets. Went to our homes and slept for 13 hours. That is the longest I have slept in quite some time.

And now here I am telling you all about it.

So till the next post. Good bye.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.