Saturday -- 20 Rabi ul Awwal 1426 -- 10 Vaisakh 1927 -- 30 April 2005

Ok. As you might have noticed. Now that I spend about twelve hours a day away from home working, I might not be able to blog very regularly.

Big deal. You are all already quite my bitches. So you all keep reading this or I am going to call you and then get one of my severe multi personality disorder breakdowns and give you the head ache of the century.

So basically, I am going to blog less now. But I still love you.

My God. How much testosterone do I have in my body?

Sunday -- 14 Rabi ul Awwal 1426 -- 04 Vaisakh 1927 -- 24 April 2005

I just read the last post and, I am so fucking gay.

Sunday -- 14 Rabi ul Awwal 1426 -- 04 Vaisakh 1927 -- 24 April 2005

Ahhhhhh, the darling buds of April. Rather the memories of the darling buds of March. Karachi weathers early. You have spring in mid March and summer in April. And then for the last two weeks you have horridly hot days. And to top all this off the humidity makes it very very sweaty.

I, of course do not complain. Except for the fact that when I give my dripping wet shirt to the drycleaner and tell him that it is 100% cotton and he is not, I repeat not, I repeat not in the name of his lord, I repeat not in the name of all that is holy and pure, I repeat not in the name of all that is beautiful and lovely from the smile on a babys cheek to the bottom of a newly cleaned baby to starch the shirt. He does it all the same and when I tell him I told him not to do this, he merely smiles at me and moves on.

What am I to do dear lord. What am I to do when my white cotton shirt has been starched so much that when I walk into my office in the morning I can hear it rustling away in such loud a manner that I can hear the sound echo off the walls of the building opposite to ours at a distance of about fifty meters.

What am I to do!

I will leave you now and drink some more Pakola! Take care of yourselved gentlemen and beautiful dames!

Thursday -- 11 Rabi ul Awwal 1426 -- 01 Vaisakh 1927 -- 21 April 2005

I have realized today that I am a deprived soul. I have missed some of the most beautiful things in life. There were things that I used to think nothing of. Today, I got the chance to experience one of those. And I realize that I have wasted a lot of my life by not have that experience before.

I am not talking about the movie "The Others". I am not talking about the musical piece "Ode to Joy". I am not talking about multiple synchronous orgasms.

I am talking about eating a sandwitch at subway. I had never had one simply because they seemed like "just" sandwitches.

But, today, I stand corrected. Subway is not only a sandwitch. When you go to the counter and tell them to give you assorted meats and condiments and no vegetables whatsoever. It becomes a man's food. Yes, subway. A man's food at its best.

Wednesday -- 10 Rabi ul Awwal 1426 -- 30 Caitra 1927 -- 20 April 2005

I went to get a complete physical check up today. It was the strangest experience. I mean, for all practical reasons I think that the doctor should have married me after we were done. Although she was a woman, but the things that she did to me, in my opinion should only be done by women to men whome they are married to.

Ohk, even if she did not marry me, she should have bought me breakfast.

Sunday -- 07 Rabi ul Awwal 1426 -- 27 Caitra 1927 -- 17 April 2005

Well, it is always a wonder to be present on a Sunday. Suddenly you are jarred into real life. While trying to forget the work week. While trying to forget the abnormal level of lunatic partying on Saturday night you are suddenly aware that there is such a commodity as time.

As is the case with every Sunday, my evil mother wakes me up at one and tells me that if I dont get up she will give my breakfast to the cat. The cat, by the way, is extremely pregnant. So much so that everyone at home realizes it and does not talk about it. Uncomfortable topics being left alone as a rule in this house.

Later on in the evening relatives drop by and we decide to gulp down gallons of tea while playing cards and talking against all those relatives who had not dropped by this week. The best thing about this situation is that since my mother has not allowed me to miss any Sunday, they never get to talk against me.

Ahhhhhh, Sundays are such fun days!

p.s - Excuse the last line. It was written in a rather peculiar state of mind.

Friday -- 05 Rabi ul Awwal 1426 -- 25 Caitra 1927 -- 15 April 2005

Well. I was told today that I would be much much much more acceptable as a person if I just did not open my mouth and did not move my hands while talking.

One does not really know what to do when something like that is told to one.

I tackled it by realizing that the guy is actually right. But then again I am going through a severe testosterone rush and my brain might not be working properly.

I will tell you about the actual result in a week or so.

Wednesday -- 03 Rabi ul Awwal 1426 -- 23 Caitra 1927 -- 13 April 2005


I did not get the damned weekend off. On top of that, I havent been out of work before 8 any day of this week.

Despite the lack of sex. I feel like an unvirgin already.

Tuesday -- 02 Rabi ul Awwal 1426 -- 22 Caitra 1927 -- 12 April 2005

Thoughts of the day

- Go Pakistan! for the cricket victory against India at the Ahmedabad One Day Match.
- Capitalism fucking sucks.
- Money fucking sucks.
- The showing off of money fucking sucks.
- The whole concept of the most loud and boisterous people being cool fucking sucks.
- The whole concept of cheap, commercial, artificial entertainment for our lives fucking sucks.
- Liberalism and Liberal thought rock.
- Enforced liberalism and enforced anti establishmentarianism fucking sucks.

When will people realize that there are better things to life than being rich, cool, liberal and extreme loud at every out of control party.

Sunday -- 30 Safar 1426 -- 20 Caitra 1927 -- 10 April 2005

ہنستے، مسکراتے، خوش، زندہ چہرے۔ خوبصورت، سچے، بے لوث رشتے۔ روشن، رخشاں انسان۔ اپنے لوگ۔

کوئی بھی بدل نہیں۔ کوئی بھی۔ روپیہ پیسہ، دھن دولت، کوئی بھی نہیں۔

Friday -- 28 Safar 1426 -- 18 Caitra 1927 -- 08 April 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen, take out your Latin Dictionaries. In case you do not have one. Borrow one. In case that is not possible. .

If it is not there already, put your mind in the gutter. Understand that it is me, the deprived soul that you are listening to. And hear my declaration.

I, Jalaluddin Ahmed Khan, do solemnly declare, in my full senses, in complete control, and not under the influence of any intoxicant.


Wednesday -- 26 Safar 1426 -- 16 Caitra 1927 -- 06 April 2005

Random scraps of memories of days gone by kept coming all day. One after another. From older days, in a place dear. A place very close and very loved. A place where I used to be free to behave as I will, to act as I will, to do anything of any level of lunacy, idiocy or barbarity without disapproving eyes jumping out of their sockets and bouncing about on the floor.

I talk about my university campus. And, now that that story has come up, I will tell you guys about something that I once did at my university.

I was very very lazy about laundry. I used to get it done in a heap. Then I used to put the clean laundrered clothing in a pile. Then I used to wear clothes from that. After wearing them I used to put then in another pile, the slightly used pile. Once the first pile was empty the second pile had lost all of its usedness due to being aired properly and was ready for use.

After using the second pile I used to put the laundry in the hamper.

There were times when I was so very lazy that I had to fish something out of the hamper as my clothes got cleaned at the launderer.

This is a story about an occasion when I reached a new limit. Basically, I called the laundered at my dorm to collect my clothes. When he arrived I gave him everything. All of it from the hamper. After I have been using items from that for one week. I know, I am sick and perverted and dirty, but since you are not my boyfriend, you dont have any power over me!

When the launderer went away, I took off my Pierre Cardin suit and put on a bed sheet to cover myself.

I stayed in that for two days. Since I did not have anything else that was clean enough to use.

A whole weekend wrapped in bedsheets and avoiding all human contact.


I love those days.

Tuesday -- 25 Safar 1426 -- 15 Caitra 1927 -- 05 April 2005

Mr B is so insolent. Whenever I use the tactics of emotional blackmail and torture he actually builds up the audacity to tell me that I am using those tactics.

I am just shocked at such blatant acts of audaciousness.

Monday -- 24 Safar 1426 -- 14 Caitra 1927 -- 04 April 2005

And, I present before you some late night madness.

I am feeling very paranoid on account of something recently. So paranoid that I can blog about the idea but not about the details.

What the hell do I do now?
Oh shut up Jalal, and stop acting like a psychotic imbecile.
I am psychotic? I am psychotic? Hello, Kettle!
Oh please, anyone who has met you knows you are more pscyhotically screwed up than me.
You are a frikking alternate personality inside me you moron! What the hell are you talking about being screwed up!
Dude, that was below the belt.
Shut up! It is my belt!
No it is not, I was the one that gave the idea of getting the black belt.
That is only because you are in my brain and I thought of it first.
JALAL! shut up and stop calling it your brain!
It is my frikking brain!
Wait till I take over, then this will all be over.
No it wont, I wont let you take over.
Get off of my body.
No you get off.
No you get off.
No you get off.
No you get off.
No you get off.
No you get off.
Dude, you ripped my shirt.
I am sorry.
It is ok.
I love you man.
I love you too man.
Can we please go back to being normal again?
Only if you promise not to fight infront of others again.

Saturday -- 22 Safar 1426 -- 12 Caitra 1927 -- 02 April 2005

For all practical, legal and rational purposes it is the 3rd of April as I sit in front of my keyboard typing. My fingers are quivering and I have to correct every word thrice. My eyes are closing by themselves and they are burning up when I keep them open. I have no idea why, but I want to blog right now and nothing can come in the middle of this.

My day started at 0830. I first looked at my watch and thanked God that I had finally managed to sleep uptill 1230. Then I watched the watch closer. The horrible truth dawned on me. I have been employised. I wake up early even on weekends. I am one of 'those'.

My actual day began at about midday when one of my friends called me over. I was reluctant at first, seeing as how the MMA (the extremist right wing semi crazed religion worshipping idiots for the uninitiated) had called a strike and had decided to make the lives of ordinaty citizens hell.

In any case I went over to meet the guy. We decided to hang out; drive around; have a beer each; God I still hate beer; drive around; eat out; drive around. Then I dropped him off and went to another friends. This was about evening.

I woke him up just in time for sunset. We decided to hang out; have tea; drive around; meet up with his girlfriend and her friend; hang out; drive around. Then my third group of people for the day called me and I took my car and went to them.

I got there just in time. We decided to hang out; drink; talk; drink; watch cheap music videos on tv; drink; listen to music; drink; talk; drink. Until we were totally wasted except the designate driver. Then we took him. We headed out. Screaming in the car and behaving like a bunch of morons for hours and hours.

Then, when we were completely tired, we went to 'Damascus'. There we had water, sheesha and cokes. Good stuff. Then I drove back all the way home.

I just got in and I apologize if I made you read all the above and didnt write it well. I have no idea if I have written it well or not. So yet again I am sorry, and in case you have decided to crib about this even after being told no a second time! Go get kicked by a cow! ! HAH!

Friday -- 21 Safar 1426 -- 11 Caitra 1927 -- 01 April 2005

So, we arrive again at another Friday. The day is pregnant with possibilities. The possibilities that arise when working class humans are suddenly unleashed upon the face of this planet. When all the events of one week of pain have to be forgotten. When enough capacity of good clean fun things has to be built to last for another week.

Ahhhhhhh, Friday.

It is rather an unpleasant occurence when you suddely realize that you are tripping over something in full view of a boardroom full of people. I have had the misfortune of happening upon such an occurrence lately. It is worst when this occurence is coupled with you walking away and your shoes being very badly damaged.

The sole of my shoe nearly came off and for every step that I took it used to flap and then smash against the shoe rather loudly. So, I ended up sounding like a very very very badly played drum special.

Why do I do things that embarrass me? No, that was a rhetorical question. Noone answers it. Those who do will get kicked.