Tuesday -- 08 Ziqaad 1425 -- 30 Agrahayana 1926 -- 21 December 2004

I had not blogged for some days because I has decided to not blog when I was very depressed.

Today, I am not. Hence the blogging.

About an hour ago I talked to a couple of very good college friends who are in Lahore for a short period of time. Since they now live outside Pakistan I hardly ever get to meet them. So I decided at the whim of the moment to go to Lahore tomorrow.

Then my depression went away completely. It was such a severely rapid mood change that I could have competed with any pregnant woman. Not that I am a pregnant woman. And I got very very very excited. So excited that I vomited a bit. Again, I could have competed with any pregnant woman. And again, not that I am a pregnant woman.

So, you all can judge how very excited I am. Ill try to keep on blogging. But lets see.

Take care.


Saturday -- 05 Ziqaad 1425 -- 27 Agrahayana 1926 -- 18 December 2004

I had a long long Saturday evening with a couple of friends. Had a wonderful time. Just got back.

Did someone else notice this as well or was I just writing small semi complete sentences up there. Hmmmm. Maybe excessive sleep deprivation does do this to people.

Ah, well, I guess I will sleep now. Shab ba Khair.

شب با خیر

Saturday -- 05 Ziqaad 1425 -- 27 Agrahayana 1926 -- 18 December 2004

I had a long long Saturday evening with a couple of friends. Had a wonderful time. Just got back.

Did someone else notice this as well or was I just writing small semi complete sentences up there. Hmmmm. Maybe excessive sleep deprivation does do this to people.

Ah, well, I guess I will sleep now. Shab ba Khair.

شب با خیر

Friday -- 04 Ziqaad 1425 -- 26 Agrahayana 1926 -- 17 December 2004

Today was a special kind of a day. I call it the poetry deficiency syndrome day. If I haven't read any good poetry (good = a lot of quality poetry) for a while I have a sudden strong craving for poetry. Today was that day.

Yes, I know that there have been too many syndromes in my writings lately. That just means that I am a very interesting person. Completely unlike the usual normal people with too few psychological disorders.

So, today was spent with Faiz Ahmed Faiz's Nuskha ha e Wafa (فیض احمد فیض کی نسخہ ھائے وفا).

Thursday -- 03 Ziqaad 1425 -- 25 Agrahayana 1926 -- 16 December 2004

I think it is time. I have to share something with you readers. I experienced it today after some time. I remembered that I had decided to share it with you all. I have a severe psychological disorder. This is one that I have not told you all about yet. Please read to the end so you do not misunderstand what I am trying to say.

Everytime someone tells me "Jalal, you do not have to do that, I will do it for you"; or when they say "Oh no Jalal, man, that is my job, not yours, don't worry"; or when they say "Jalal, consider this a favour, i'll do this for you"; or when they say "No thanks man, I can carry my suitcase without your help"; or when they say "No, you dont have to get up from your seat for me, I am just getting off at the next stop"; I actually believe them.

If that person goes back on their word and tells me how I did something bad, by doing exactly what they told me to do, I get very very angry. Since I dont lash out at people I just grind my teeth until they start to hurt.

So there it is. Jalal has taken a large skeleton outside the closet. Now, I dont want any jokes / pranks / comments / puns about my severe psychological disorder. I just shared something with all of you and I would hate to be shot down. It would be a serious breach of faith on your part so don't do it. Since I could not find any name for this disorder in any Psychological work I have decided that I have the right to give it a name. I will call this disease / disorder Jalals Excessive Rage At Stupid Comments Syndrome. JERASCS (pronunciation: jee-rah-skaahs).

Oh and yes, as a last sentence, this whole post was one big joke, and if you fell for it you were probably even more insane than I was when I wrote it, so, contact me, I am sure we have a lot in common.

Wednesday -- 02 Ziqaad 1425 -- 24 Agrahayana 1926 -- 15 December 2004

It has been one year to the day (for those of you who are slow, i.e AK, that means that I am talking about 15 December 2003) when I got a cellphone. Yes, I made a very stupid, albeit necessary decidion on that day (again, 15 December 2003).

Until that day my life was full of freedom and I could go anywhere; do anything; and be anyone without the fear of being contacted by another human. It was the height of liberty only experienced by people in the ancient ages (before there were too many people that you could run into) and in the modern day land of the completely free (read, America, the country which everyone is so jealous of that they keep plotting against).

Then I got a cell phone and the rest of my life is one series of phone calls, smss and people asking me to see what my cell phone looks like and then going off into a (one sided) discussion about cell phones while I nod along and act as if I am listening to them and not thinking about the latest information I read from some newspaper.

And, yes, if you did not get this already, AK is stupid.

Take that AK.

Tuesday -- 01 Ziqaad 1425 -- 23 Agrahayana 1926 -- 14 December 2004

After a very long time my relation with my mother has mended to a level where we can watch a movie together without disagreeing over every detail. I mean, come on Jalal and mother, for God's sake dont disagree if it is actually "Teal" or "Light Gray". After all every blind human could see that it was indeed Teal. Maybe is losing her sight with age. Of course I know that I am right.

Today I got a movie that the whole family could watch. It is "cheaper by the dozen". We really enjoyed it.

I would suggest you all watch it - with family.

Monday -- 30 Shawwal 1425 -- 22 Agrahayana 1926 -- 13 December 2004

Yes, I am a new man today.

I met someone online.

He is wonderful.

I am very very very sane now.

Sunday -- 29 Shawwal 1425 -- 21 Agrahayana 1926 -- 12 December 2004

Today was the scariest day of my life.

I got so desperate for sex that I lost my mind. I actually wandered about aimlessly for at least 5 kilometers before coming back home.

When I was at my gate I realized that things have gone too far. I am going to a shirk tomorrow.

My crush of the week is Ryan Reynolds. His humorous and explicit performance in the "Blade Trilogy" has made me think some very very dirty things about him.

Saturday -- 28 Shawwal 1425 -- 20 Agrahayana 1926 -- 11 December 2004

After knowing H for one year I finally met him today. And then I ended up spending the whole day with him. Yes, I am that inappropriate.

Wonderful day.

Oh and yes, Bruce called us and talked to us. And then he suddenly came under a magical spell and lost all sense of reason and rationality due to which he rejected sex offered by me.

I feel so sorry for him.

Friday -- 27 Shawwal 1425 -- 19 Agrahayana 1926 -- 10 December 2004

Damn it. I am in my depression phase again. The worst thing about this is that; 1 - I know I am in the phase; 2 - I do not want to be in the phase; 3 - I can not help being in the phase; 4 - that is makeing it harder to get out of the phase; 5 - that is making me angrier about my psychosis; 6 - that makes it impossible for me to leave that phase.

Damn it.

See what I have to put up with!!!

Shut up Jalal. I put up with you just as much as you put up with me.

No! not at all, everyone knows that is not right. You just make this up to make me look back.

Oh my God Jalal, can we please not make a scene with so many people watching.

What do you care about them, it is you who started this man.

All right now! Shut up! Both of you!

Sorry folks, we are going to close for the night. Show is over. Hey! You! You there! What are you looking at huh?!

Wow, I am going to go make myself some cardamom tea. I will return tomorrow. Hopefully then I will be saner and more collected.

Thursday -- 26 Shawwal 1425 -- 18 Agrahayana 1926 -- 09 December 2004

دل ہی تو ہے، نہ سنگ و خشت، درد سے بھر نہ آئے کیوں
روئیں گے ہم ہزار بار، کوئی ہمیں ستائے کیوں!

قید حیات و بند غم، اصل میں دونوں ایک ہیں
موت سے پہلے آدمی، غم سے نجات پائے کیوں!

غالب خستہ کے بغیر کون سے کام بند ہیں!
روئیے زار زار کیا، کیجے ہائے ہائے کیوں!

اسد اللہ خان غالب

For those of you who are on Orkut. Now so am I. My Orkut Profile

Today was yet another interesting, and by that I mean usual, day. The sun was shining. I was very aware that my clothing leaves a lot to be desired, since of course I looked like Attila the Hun (the example being used to describe barbarians, not to insult huns, because after all I am not a bigot and some of my best friends are huns). Like I said. It was a usual day.

Like all usual days I was skipping up the stairs of my office building, two at a time, feet a flailing, hands a moving, neck a chugging in a constant explosion of reckless physical abandon. Suddenly all that stopped, I lay prostrate on the groud, in front of an army of hostile and evil onlookers as I slipped on the stairs and brought dishonour to myself and my family.

People are still chuckling amongst themselves at what happened. Can they not see? Are they really this blind? I will tell you what really happened.

Today was one of those melancholy wintry days at my office. Days when noone speaks and all is like a cold dark hall where all merrymaking has died. So I slipped on purpose to cheer them all up. Of course I am 24 and the idea of actually slipping is unheard of. It is obvious that I slipped on purpose. Why can noone see that? Why are they so blind? Why does their evil inner self hide the evident truths from them? I shall never know.

At the least, I am clean of heart and do not lie or cheat or deceive others or myself. Thank God that is clear to all.

== Boring content ensuing, proceed at your own risk ==

There is good news and there is bad news.

The good news is that my boss came to my office at about 1000 and told me to not do any work until 1500. He said it was a reward for my hard work of late. I am not very sure whether this actually happened or if I dreamt it while I was trying to sleep on my desk. Which by the way was not easy since the extremely cold table surface and the extremely pointy books on which I was trying to sleep tried their best to stop me from sleeping.

The bad news is that since I am not sure if I am allowed to work or coast I have decided to do something that could seem like work in an awkward situation. I have decided to blog. So, it is not really a matter of bad news for me. But it is bad news for the rest of you, who might even have to read this post.

Now that I have time to write long passages about a whole lot of things. I will start with what I did today. Since I was supposed to act as if I am working, I decided to read my own archives. Yes, I know it is very immature and purile but I did it all the same.

I learnt that I was very very immature and impulsive back than. And good God how could I have possibly written such retarded things I will never know.

== Boring content over ==

Wednesday -- 25 Shawwal 1425 -- 17 Agrahayana 1926 -- 08 December 2004

I am sure you all have had strange friends in your life. I am sure you have some currently as well. Well, so do I. But I think that some of mine beat everyone elses at the things they do.

Here is an example.

It was late last night. I was about to go to sleep. One of my friends called me. Albeit at an unacceptale time, but I will overlook that. He then tells me that he really needs help and that I can not refuse him because he is in trouble. I start to get on some rough clothing and try to go towards my car keys because by this time I am sure I will need to go to him because he seemed very very distressed.

Then he tells me that he needs to hit on a girl. He tells me what she likes. Then he tells me to come up with a good line.

Yes, you are right, you have read right and your eyes are still working. He actually called me for that.

I told him a very very strange line and I hung up.

After that line I knew he was not going to get that girl. Sorry dude but my revenge is fast and destructive. I am a bad bad evil dirty nasty man.

He called me again in the morning and thanked me for getting him hooked up.

Am I too gay to even make a line that would end a hetrosexual relationship rather than start one.

The Rise and Fall of the Great Powers, economic change and military conflict from 1500 to 2000.

Paul Kennedy

A book on my favourite subject - History. Fortunately it is written in a new perspective and in a very interesting manner. It is a book of that shows that current affairs are only the continuation of history. That present is born from the past. That mankind has not created any structures in human systems that will change the way we have fought and competed with each other over a long period of time.

The book deals provides amazing detail on issues without going into too much detail and becoming boring and tedious for non research consumption. This very detail and tact make it is a beautiful read in both history and to come extent histriography. And this very level of detail has made the book thought provoking as it forces one to think and wonder about how man has not changed over time.

This is one of the most remarkable books I have ever read. I would suggest it as a must read to anyone interested in History, Histriography, Current Affairs or Strategic Studies.

Tuesday -- 24 Shawwal 1425 -- 16 Agrahayana 1926 -- 07 December 2004

After spending one complete day in busses, cars, motorbikes and on my feet in Saddar and other areas near it I am so beat that I could not raise a finger if my life depended on it.

Monday -- 23 Shawwal 1425 -- 15 Agrahayana 1926 -- 06 December 2004

I was not going to mention this to anyone, I am not one to strip and tell. Then Bruce decided to go about and tell everyone, so I will present my side of the story.

It was a long long chat, and Bruce kept hitting on me all the time. I am only a human. A human with a very frail sense of morals. And even those only because of security issues and not due to any higher / alterior reasons. He kept hitting on me. I got quite loose. Then he suggested the idea of a strip show. Impulsive, stupid and ready to take bold steps that I am, I did it.

There was a free strip show by me in Bruce's honour on Saturday evening.

So there, it was all Bruce's fault for playing with my being a single twenty four year old gay virgin boy. It is all his fault and none of mine. So he shall go to heaven whilst I bask in heaven amongst my army of 72 beautiful young boys, choice wines and mangoes.

Sunday -- 22 Shawwal 1425 -- 14 Agrahayana 1926 -- 05 December 2004

So, I started a new ritual today. Not that I dont have enough of those already. With the Monday night chicken dance festival, the Saturday evening self sacrifice service for the drunk brigade and the Thursday evening crazy public jumping activity and a few others that I prefer not to narrate here. The only thing left was Sunday morning.

Now, I am sure we all agree that there is no such thing as a Sunday morning. There is a Saturday evening, that grows into a Saturday late evening, that grows into a Saturday night, that grows into (ok, ok, I will stop with this series, I promise this is the last part) Saturday late night and that grows into (sorry I lied back there, this one is really the last one) Sunday afternoon.

So you might ask - where does the Sunday morning go? The answer is simple. It is the part where you are dreaming about overly ugly hobgoblins and extremely effeminate looking elves (who by the way are on your team) fighting in a major war in Rohan (From Tolkein). At the end of which all the hobgoblins are killed and the elves and you have a huge party. Then when you wake up (in your dream) from that party with a hangover you wake up in real life at 1427 (2:27PM) on a Sunday with a feeling of nausea and drowsiness.

So, getting back to the actual issue, I got up at approximately 0900 and I walked to the nearest part, which happens to be a small island in the middle of a major road here in Karachi, with a book. The road was empty, it being a Sunday and all. I enjoyed my park thing a lot. I am going to make it a regular ritual.

My crush of the week is Jason Brooks. With nipples like those, people could have entered the realm of the Greek gods without any opposition.

Saturday -- 21 Shawwal 1425 -- 13 Agrahayana 1926 -- 04 December 2004

I just noticed, after yesterdays post of course, that I am a bit too passionate for normal people. But then again, I am completely psychologically imbalanced. I think that allows me to act in any way not usually followed by others. Even if it makes me look like a complete extremist. Which, I think I am.

But, lets not waste time reading about who is an extremists, who is humorous and other such things of a more personal nature that should not concern any of us. What we should be concerned about is - eggs.

Yes, one, you have read correctly, two, I have not gone insane as quite a few of you might actually be thinking. I am actually talking about fried eggs.

It so happens that I decided to have a dinner solely of eggs. A plate full of six fried eggs was my dinner for the night. I am sure you are questioning both my veracity and my sanity. I would like to state catagorically that they are both intact, unfortunately my morality is not, but no one ever really gives importance to that anyways. So it is not a loss at all.

Why am I writing in this strange a way? That would be because I have been enjoying too much of 'Yes Minister' nowadays, and while I am typing I am speaking aloud that which I type in a very Yes Ministery accent and style.

Oh Jolly Good Old Boy!

Omph, I think a bit of Jeeves crept into that one.

Friday -- 20 Shawwal 1425 -- 12 Agrahayana 1926 -- 03 December 2004

I am so happy with life with my mother. I get up early. I hate waking up early. I go to work. I hate going to work. I love my work environment. I used to think that that is because I like my work. But actually it turns out I love it because I dont have to put up with my mother there.

Then work gets off. I come here dead beaten after travelling in broken down busses with another forty semi dead men with broken spirits and the dread of having to face the females, sorry, life sucking snakes, of their respective families.

Then when I am home to have to continuously explain to my mother that I actually go to work rather than go gallivanting with other immoral gay men to practice homosexual activities of an UnIslamic nature. So this is nice. I am still a fucking virgin. I am still in need of a one nighter, fuck buddy and a boyfriend. My mother, who I am an idiot to have told that I am gay, makes my life one big fucking piece of hell for sins that I havent yet committed.

So, my life is one big piece of light cloudy weather with light rain and a cool breeze with the sun breaking through the clouds far far away.

Occasionally I think I am gay because I fucking hate women rather than because I like men. Well, it figures.

Thursday -- 19 Shawwal 1425 -- 11 Agrahayana 1926 -- 02 December 2004

I will always remember today as the first-time-I-rode-a-motorbike-fiasco-day. And it was all of those things.

I ordered one of my friends to teach me how to ride a motorbike. He told me everything in a two minute how-to and then he put me on a bike and told me to go nuts.

Well, I did do that. I started it and it started to move slowly. After that, things are a blur. But let me give you a brief list of things I remember.

1 - I remember the bike going faster and faster.
2 - I remember the bike going so fast that the front wheel actually got off the ground once.
3 - I remember screaming like a teenage school girl.
4 - I remember frantically jerking both handles because I forgot one of them is the accelerator.
5 - I remember trying my best to press the left handle stick and the brake simultaneously.
6 - I remember trying to pull the keys out of the iginition and failing.
7 - I remember screaming like a middle aged woman during Oprah.
8 - I remember all this happening in a span of about five seconds or fifty meters.
9 - I remember the motorbike falling on someones garden and stopping.
10 - I remember groaning a lot after that.

As God is my witness, I will learn to ride a bike.

Once I do that I will tell possible sex mates to sit behind me, very close, while I scare them with my antics.

Hmmmmm, I think I hit my head on the curb too hard. So the five inch scar that I have on my neck does actually matter in my long term mental health.

Wednesday -- 18 Shawwal 1425 -- 10 Agrahayana 1926 -- 01 December 2004

So, today, the first wintry day of the year in Karachi I decided to go for a long brisk walk. Needless to say I was sweating like an overly fat pig on a hot summer day within no time. And I stopped.

Later on, my sister told me that we will not cook the chicks when they grow up into cocks while I wanted them to become food. I mean how dare she. To start of with she is only a woman and hence completely not allowed to even presume to give advice to men unless it is asked for. I think I need to get some sort of a stick for the women in my house. Spare the rod and spoil the women I always say!

And to top the day off. "Yes, Minister", perfection in British humour. Orgasmic humour along with orgasmic accents. Appalled, appalled, appalled, appalled. The program is like a roller coaster of multiple orgasms.