08 Zilhaj 2004

Well! I hope you are all happy now! Making me blog so much about myself. People come upto me on MIRC and start talking as if they know me. I ask them if they know me. They say yes. Then I, out of shame and embarrasment I tell them that I dont know them. To which they tell me they read my blog.

I have to admit. I am very happy to chat with people who read my blog. But I feel slightly bad about them knowing a bit about me and me not knowing bits about them. Embarrasing but very very nice. Not your usual cup of tea. I dare say.

And now I would like to add that, strangely, I seem to be in a good mood. Shockingly, no fights with ammi (mom) today. No sudden depression causing agents. Nothing. I can not for the life of me understand. Why it is so.

I was listening to a little bit of John Denver yesterday. And i'll say that "Annie's Song" is one helluva song to listen to. So is "Leaving on a Jet Plane". Good Good songs.

I have had a share of strange searches. But I have to say todays search of "turk bear hasan" beats them all. By far.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.

07 Zilhaj 2004

Why in the name of all that is pure and violet would someone say that I smell like Cabbages. I smell nothing like Cabbages. I smell more like Mercury than I smell like Cabbages. Nerve of some people. To talk about how others smell like things they do not smell like. It is an outrage.

It has been raining for the last two days in Karachi. It never rains here. Oh well. All the more better with the cold weather. Thank God the weather is cold I guess that is something that you will never hear from Americans or Europeans.

In other news. The flowers (boar) have come on the Mango trees in our house. All three of them. The hammock is in as big a shamble as the Gordian knot. The Bananas are ripening on two of the trees on the third my cousin decided to swing and we lost a nice big crop of Bananas. The Chikoos are ripening daily along with teh Sharifas and me and my mom have regular fights as to whice of the two fruits is better than the other. Which side am I am? DOH! I have some class and an education. Of course I am with the Shareefa.

When someone searches for "urdu love later". They either have horrible spelling, or they should not be using English as a tool for making their lives easier.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.

06 Zilhaj 1424

First of all. Oh my God. FUCK!

Yesterday I was very happy to have gotten a chance to talk to an interesting guy. Today. Destiny shocked me. Another guy who has become a good friend by now told me that he has a hot body. He also called me and he had a hot voice. Oh no. Not common hot. It was hot. You could melt steel with it. So now I am extermely happy at my new found luck. Thank you destiny.

Today I was called an adorable bitch. I have no idea how to respond or how to take it.

Tomorrow I will blog about the Eid ul Azha or Baqr Eid, a muslim festival, and the things leading upto it. For today suffice to say that we have bought a Cow and two Goats and they are tied in our back yard.

A regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.

05 Zilhaj 1424

There was a hammock in our lawn. Till today. When I decided to enjoy myself. It broke. No I am not that fat. It was weak from all the dew and the sunlight while it was wet. Oh! but I insist. That is exactly how it happened. And that is exactly what was the cause. No STOP IT !!! I AM NOT THAT FAT !!! Yes that is better. You should trust me now when I tell you this. Since it was my sister's. I will have to get a new hammock. Damn it.

I was chatting with a very nice guy today. He came up, at some level, on all of my criterion. He was educated, he was khandaani, he was able to type English and Urdu without my getting horrified at the murder of two languages (A very very rare feat), he had a sense of humour (rarer than the last) and lastly he seemed attractive. Well at least from his picture. I know I know people select one from 508 so I can not go by that alone. But I am going to. This is the first chance of happiness in about two weeks and I will take it. Thank you very much. In case of positive developments more information shall ensue.

I am sure you must all have very interesting online chats with people. But I am also sure you would have never said to anyone else what I said to someone online today. "Serenade me ... Biatch". It has a rustic/classical medieval whorish/slutty charm/attraction to it. I am sure you would agree.

And on this very note I shall end todays post. And with your permission I bid you adieu.

P.S. - And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.

04 Zilhaj 1424

It is a known fact that, sometimes, when you meet someone you think they are normal. But. They are not. It is times like these that call for emergency measures. No matter how much you give them the benefit of the doubt. You trust them to become alright in a little while; you trust them to have matured; you think of it as not their own fault but as society's. Actually what you should do is ... RUN!!!. Run like the wind till you find a safe place. Oh yes! This particular paragraph was prompted by our neighbour's dog.

If anyone of you, ever, decides that you want to see Tremors IV - The Legend Begins. Don't. Never ever even think about it. The acting was much much more horrible than mine when I had to go on stage for the first time in my life. That is altogether another story which I shall finish later. But I digress. Please do not watch that movie. Life is too precious to be wasted like this. People would enjoy watching puppies being spquashed more than they would enjoy this movie. And this is for the most docile of creatures.

Today there was an interesting search 'ready for sex'. I don't know how to receive this piece of information. Is this some kind of a Freudian Slip by the "Universe"? Is it a hallucination that I am having, basically, as my body's way to try to get the message across finally? Is this what can be called the Zeitgeist of my blog? I do not know. But I am intrigued by this search result. Very, very , intrigued.

And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have started to try to teach Urdu as well.

03 Zilhaj 1424

I was watching an episode of Star Trek Enterprise today. After it finished I went to get my dinner. There it hit me. I have grown up! I have finally managed to grow up. I have stopped fantasizing about living in Tv Shows and Movies. For hours after the thing ends. I am so happy. I can finally hang out with people above the age of 12 and not be nervous.

Why is it that I got mauled in counter strike today? The other people destroyed all sense of pride that I had. Correction. Make that e-pride. But it is all gone. The map was full of my dead bodies, strewn about, while everyone else had a ball. I hate humans. I hate all people. How dare they win against me. How dare they?

Something that I want to do after watching TV today. Give advice for those who are interested in watching comedy serials. Watch "Frasier". You will thank me.

And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have slowly started to teach Urdu.

02 Zinhaj 1424

The process of "hanging out" with friends is one of the greatest gifts given to men by God. But there is one problem. If I am out with my friends, I cannot look as brazenly at other distinguished and attractive gentlemen as I can alone. But if I am alone I feel lonely and don't want to look at those gentlemen. Is this the beginning of yet another internal dichotomy? I want to be alone whereas I want to be with my friends as well? I think we have time to wait and see how this newest link in the chain of lunacy develops. To your horror and my pleasure I am very pleased to have a new addition.

Currently I am reading "Udaas Naslain" by Abdullah Hussain. There is one thing I would like to say. Although the novel is what I would call a good read. But. It is slow. It is not the kind of a novel where you cannot put it down. I actually want to put it down. I hope none of my college friends read this. Or else they will kick me for saying such blasphemous things.

I would like to ask you gentle dames and gentle men two questions. Why would someone search for "Karachi stand up comedy" on the net? And, why would they be led to my blog? I have no idea. I hope you can answer.

As a reminder to myself. I have to get a new keyboard. I have to shave. I have to cut my nails. Now Jalal, remember, you have to do all three tomorrow.

And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have slowly started to teach Urdu.

01 Zilhaj 1424

Today we had some guests in the house. Including a very well dressed, well spoken, interesting and sexually arousing gentleman. For about two hours today I was sitting in front of him and trying not to talk too much. And all through I kept noticing that his top buttons were undone. I kept noticing that his shoes were nice. I kept noticing things that any gay man would notice on an interesting man sitting in front of him. Then I decided 'to hell with it'. I made what you might call a pass at him. Which thank god he missed. Because the next minute he started joking about homosexuals with a couple of guy friends he was with. Thank god he didnt see me make the move. I would not have wanted to lose my cherry to someone who hates gays. ;)

This is when I realized that I was getting desperate and need to search farther and wider. Which has made me thinking if I want to go to a gay party that might happen in the future. Well I am still thinking.

Ohk something that I wanted to share with all of you. Elvis. Listen to him. I have seen seeing people who dont listen to him "as such" "per se". Well listen to him. At least listen to a few of his hits. The good ones. "Always on my mind", "Unchained Melody", "Maries the name/ his latest flame", "Help me make it through the night", "It's now or never", "Suspicious minds", "The girl of my best friend", "The wonder of you". Please please please listen to them. You will have joy poured into your life. And you will have me to thank for. So you have to thank me now. OK.

I have to get a new keyboard. The keys on this one are badly jammed. I can't type properly. I can't do that with normal keyboards but I need something other then myself to blame. I am after all human and semi psychotic.

And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have slowly started to teach Urdu.

30 Ziqaad 1424

I know that what I did yesterday (for those of you who were drunk stupid and don't know what I am talking about - I didnt post a regular post) was wrong, inhuman and shocking. To cover up I will have to either tell you an embarrasing or an interesting story from my past. Since I usually dont have interesting things happen to me. I will tell you about an embarrasing thing.

In college I had a huge crush on a guy called 'I'. I joked about it with someone. I used to do that at times, so it wasn't so uncommon for me (talk about bubbling out of the closet). And somehow word reached 'I' about my internal desires. So one day (like many other days) I was thinking about how nice it would be if 'I' came to me and told me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. When he suddenly shows up. It seemed as if we both didn't plan to meet each other there. And he looked at me in a strage way. I call it a sexy way. And the cynical Jalal calls it filled with anger, hatered and loathing way. So he stuttered and stammered about a rumour about me and him and if it was true. At first I hallucinated that I died then turned to liquid and got absorbed into the ground, away from his sight. But in reality I stood there and stuttering and stammering more (if that is by any chance humanly possible) and someone how told him it was a joke.

We both went out ways. I still think I should have told him that it was the truth. What hardmwould it have done. Except him kicking me till I was decapitated or impotent for the rest of my life. Oh well! We all make our choices. Apparently I always make the wrong ones.

I finally found a website kind of place where I can learn about South Asian Classical Music. They also have a kind of a teaching program. But they have warned me that the progress will be slow. It seems as if they want to scare everyone away so their server is not burdened. Interesting. But since I was never to be stopped by living things. I will use it all the same.

Interesting searches for the day would be.
pakistan sexy evening newspaper ---> First of all. Is there something like this ?
karachi babies pics ---> I love babies. And if you find any pictures send them to me as well :)

And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have slowly started to teach Urdu.

29 Ziqaad 1424

After writing and losing both posts. I am angry. I will not post again tonight. I will post tomorrow.

Although I feel sorry for all of you who will not be able to read a new post and reach the crescendo of your day.

And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have also started to teach Urdu. But very slowly.

28 Ziqaad 1424

A very interesting thing. 10,000 people have been to my blog will now. To be honest, that is a very large number. It seems that I am spreading the madness that is Jalal too far and too soon. Good! This will help me in my diabolical scheme to take over the world.

I met two new people today. A friend introduced us. Then we all went out to stuff ourselves. I must say it was some horrible food. Rotten animal carsasses would have tasted better (trust me). But we didn't get those did we. A little foresight might have helped. But I never had that. I realized that one of the two gentlemen was what I would call a good guy. The other wasnt. I know. I know it is horrible to judge people like this but I cant help it. There are two catagories. And I judge people (I am a horrible person, right). No, shut up Jalal let me talk. Oh dear ... the timeless internal struggle between Jalal and Jalal ... I will be back after a glass of milk.

Ahhhh. No milk. I had sherbet instead. So, I judge people but I dont like it. I can not help myself.

Someone searched for Mehdi Hasan's Collection and found my blog. First of all I am flattered and honored that my blog would be a part of that search result. And I am also aware that if he found what he was looking for. He will experiencing some wonderful music. Good to see happiness go someone's way.

And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have also started to teach Urdu. But very slowly.

27 Ziqaad 1424

I was in a bad mood yesterday. Today, I woke up and looked out the window. I am in a good mood now.

The weather was wonderful. I mean wonderful. In all the descriptions of Paradise we should have today's weather. It was cloudy, rather overcast. It was drizzling lightly on and off all day. There was a mild cold breeze. The sun was breaking through the clouds far away. I can not imagine better weather. And to top it all off I decided to finally use the hammock in the lawn. The chirping of the birds and the rustling of the leaves was enough to give multiple orgasms to any that were in the situation. I think I had seven. While I was lying in the hammock and enjoying those multiple orgasms a Farsi Shaer (Persian Couplet) ran through my mind.

gar firdows ba roo ay zameen ast
hameen ast o hameed ast o hameen ast

If there is heaven on earth
It is here, It is here, It is here

When I came in and sat down for breakfast the lace curtains were billowing in the wind. I mean this Allah's gift to me. I saw it all. Everything that I attribute to wonderful weather was there. Nothing was left. Nothing. Wonderful Wonderful Day today.

Have a wonderful day you all.

26 Ziqad 1424

Be warned that I am in a bad mood. Do not read the post if you love yourself at all.

Life is a festering sore. It erupts and salt pours all over. I hate life and all that it contains for a period. Then I force myself to be happy and live a life. Force myself to live and enjoy this one life that we all get. Alone. Irritating. Sarcastic. Selfish. I dont know where this will all end. Since I was small I wanted to be able to please people. Maybe I knew that there is something wrong with me.
I never came first in a race. Actually, I was never good at anything that has to do with physical strength, agility or prowess. Never. And I always feel that. I am still horrified of playing games because I know I would be horrible at them. And I would obsess about that.
I was never good in studies. Never came first in any class. Never came first in any subject. Never excelled in studies. Not in High School. Not in College. I was always afraid of the smart kids who were good at studies and who would always beat me. I was never to excel in studies. I loved geography but I never scored in it.
What does that leave ? Hmmmmm. Not much. OH! Yes there they are. Good Looks. Well sorry to say but that is a lost cause.
So what did I learn actually. I learnt to be rude and mean and say the most horrible things to people and see them cringe. That gave me a satisfaction. That is my way of defeating people. Hitting below the belt and being happy that at least there is one field where I can excel. Unfortunatly it is not the right one. And the worst part is that I know it is the wrong one.
God I hate this.
I have realized that I am a horrible horrible person. It is horrible. I see myself behaving in the most horrible of ways to nice and decent humans and I feel sorry while I am in action. But I cannot stop. I just have to do something that I can do well.
I think I will stop now. This can go on for a while.

25 Ziqad 1424

One good thing about violent computer games is that they have the capacity to fulfill all of your cravings for violence. From the slightly tilted picture to the bus driver who screams at his female passengers. Everything that burns your blood and your heart. Minor irritants and major personality clashes. You can take care of it in a game of Counter Strike by killing, murdering, blowing up and maiming other participants. Over and over again. Ad Infinitum. And when you are really angry you can shoot at their dead bodies for quite some time. Make me feel fresh and completely mild and anti violence (in real life that is) every time I play.

Today I was asked a question. Whether I was educated. Frankly. I did not have an answer. To start off with, I dont know what the question means. Does it mean that I have a college degree? Does it mean that I have a degree from a college that people will accept as being a college? Does it mean that I can speak and write perfect English? Does it mean that I have had excellent home schooling and am ready for the world? What does it mean? What does it mean to be an educated Pakistani? I have no idea what it means. I would appreciate any help if it came my way.

What aren't there any interesting searches today? What has happened to your imaginations?

And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have also started to teach Urdu. But very slowly.

24 Ziqaad 1424

Ahhhhh. The middle of January, and it seems that summers have returned to Karachi. What? You dont believe me ? Oh! Well, you don't trust me? You want proof? Well, here is the proof - I do not have skin any more. It was all eaten away by millennia of mosquito bites last night.

I went to meet my Phuppo today (Father's sister). Told her she looked weak. She was very very happy at that. I was the apple of her eye. Then I told her that she looked weak, not thin. She gave a look to melt the hearts of Mephistopheles. Well the rest of the evening was uneventful.

In other news. Like all other normal loosers I am sitting at home on a weekend. Doing nothing at all. Nothing. I hope that soon I will get a life.

Someone today searched for "interior home decorate in islamabad pakistan". I would love Yahoo to explain to me about what is search has to do with my blog. Honestly. Confused beyond all resonable limits.

And a regular reminder that my Urdu blog is here. Where I have also started to teach Urdu. But very slowly.

23 Ziqaad 1424

Today I saw something that I never thought I would ever see. I saw a rat walk atleast twenty meters on a thin electric wire. Yes. An electric wire. Then it grabbed a blade of a Coconut's leaf. Yes a blade of the leaf. And it climbed up that leaf. And then it just slid down the stem of the leaf. During this process, that took the rat less than 20 seconds my jaw dropped onto my feet. I would have never expected a rat to be able to do this. I feel as if I am not able to represent the scene well enough but I have to say that it was a shocking scene.

Lately most of my conversations on MIRC seem to be coming very close the dictionary description of the conversation from hell. I wonder if it is me or if it is everyone else that I encounter.

And completely unrelated to the nuggets of information given above. Yesterday night I got to chat with a very close college friend of mine. F.R. We turned on voice and video. I was happily suprised to see that he has not changed at all. It reminded me of all the times that we spent together in college. We watching movies and Star Trek. I had some wonderful time with you man. Oh and yes he knows about this blog.

Some of todays illustrious serches would include
hints for positive language with small children ---> What, Oh dear Lord, does this have to do with my blog?
msn gay pics ---> Talk about looking in the wrong places for spicy pictures

A reminder that my urdu blog is here. Oh and yes. I am starting to teach urdu there as well.

22 Ziqaad 1424

So here I sit again to chronicle my life. With the support of a CV that will not put me to shame. As if the last two sentences have anything to do with each other.

I realized today that I am destined to be fat, alone, horny, alone, bored, alone, boring and as if you havent heard it enough, alone in my life. An idea that made me very sad. But then I found some cake in the fridge and hogged on it. Then I stopped and decided that I will try to eat like a human from that moment on.

And I have done that for the last 4 hours.

I feel my pants getting loose already. This means I might even get laid in the next 4 years or so. An idea that makes me glow with glee.

The flights of imaginations of mankind seem to finally have run aground. There were no shocking searches ending up at my blog today.

Todays rant would be about playing cheap music at full volume in your car. Specifically the kind with heavy beats. Well. Don't. It is lame. Very lame.

A reminder that my urdu blog is here.

21 Ziqaad 1424

So things are going along as slowly as they do in the life of any normal human. Nothing of note happened today. Except that I looked at my CV and recoiled in abject horror. I can not show it to anyone without feeling ashamed (It is really that bad). So I worked on my CV and made it fit for human perusal.

In other news a family member had her birthday today. I went into her room to greet her at midnight. And she asked me what was wrong with me and went right back to sleep. Later on she told me that since it was her birthday I am the one who is wrong. And I thought I was the only horrible person in the family.

Today I was reading Faiz Sahab's poetry. He has the most amazing ideas. The most strong grip on the language. It has all the ingredients of a good art form. It is pleasing to look at. The language and its use is excellent. The traditional concepts of rhythm and metre are followed. There is a host of ideas and thoughts and philosophies hidden in the words and structures. It is truly what art should be.

My blog received two very interesting searches today.
moms who spank their children with a rod ---> I might rant about my mother but she never beat me up.
kurta palace ---> They were good before but now their Kurtas are just crap.

Todays rant like so many others would be about road sense. When you are driving. Please keep to your lane. It is easier. It is more disciplined and it is safer. Because if we all do this the speed of traffic will increase for all of us. We will all bear the fruit of our discipline. Like it meant to be borne.

A reminder that my urdu blog is here.

20 Ziqaad 1424

First of all. My apologies for not posting regularly. I was busy, and my blogging time was taken up by working on the new template. Which should actually have taken me about one hour, if, I had the brains equal to that of a normal 7 year old child. But I dont, so it took me longer.

Well nothing of interest happened during this time. Except that I was offered sex twice by this very hot guy. And I refused both of the times (No! I am not a lying whore). I do not know whether I should shoot myself, or, go for the slow and painful limb amputation. You help me decide. I have no idea why I said no. I still have no idea. Maybe I am meant to be alone.

In other news I got to hold my cousin's four month old daughter in my hands again. This time I had to hold her bottle of milk. And clean all the milk that she kept rejecting (Eeuckh). I love babies. They are just these wonderful creatures (creatures?). Jalal you should think before writing - creatures. BAH! Oh shut up and let me write.

Oh and I have finally realized who the other Jalal is. It is my conscience. YES! I know he is still alive. I always thought he died in college. But I think he didn't after all.

And I have started another blog. This one is in Urdu. It will be one of the two blogs in urdu. I am very excited to make it. It will basically contain the same material as this blog. So give it a visit to see what Urdu looks like. Urdu blog.

19 Ziqaad 1424

The new look is up.

Tell me what you think ?

18 Ziqaad 1424

Sorry for the sudden downturn in blogging. But I am working on a new look for my blog.

Oh and in other news I was hit upon TWICE by a very hot guy but I had to say no.

I have gone COMPLETELY mad.

16 Ziqaad 1424

Another wonderful January day. When the cold wind stops blowing. When new seedlings grow in the pots that you seeded. Unfortunatly none of this happened to me (with the amount of whining that I conduct on this blog I am sure you were expecting this). The wind is still blowing. The seeds have still not sprouted into seedlings. And I am still single (like that can change over night).

I had a couple of outings today. I went to the 'Aqeeqa' of my cousins daughter today. Lots of people. Lots of men. Lots of ravishing men. And some excellent food that we had there. Then I went to the 'Valima' of a friend. More people. More men. No ravishing men or for that matter men who have the capability of having an adult conversation (no, no, seriously). And to end it all we were forced to gorge ourselves on appalling food. I only wished I had gone to the Aqiqa after the Valima.

Today I finally managed to push my new found web hosting provider to the brink of tears. Then I decided I should stop making his life miserable. He is such a darling - giving me hosting for free. And then me acting like a bitch and making his life miserable.

Searches for the day.
Proper Adjectives for Pakistan ---> This has got to be by far the most interesting search leading to my blog yet.

Rant for the day. When you are at a dinner. And when you are all asked to start eating. Please do not try to push people out of your way and get to the food first. I am sure the food will neither run away from you nor will it end before you get there. Try to be patient and behave yourself. Please.

15 Ziqaad 1424

I have realized that I am horrible on msn and other forms of online chatting. That would explain why people who seem to be interested in talking to me run away as soon as I start talking. I think it is maybe because of all those - Oh so many jokes (At times even I think I am making too many jokes). Or all those statements that make people uncomfortable but are actually jokes. Or because I keep telling people when I tell a joke that it is a joke. I dont know which it is. But I have noticed it too many times to remain quiet (Yeah right). I think I will tell people from the onset that I am unstable and cannot control what I do. Although that might lead me to horrid relationships, but at least I will not remain alone for ever.

Today I went to visit yet another relative here on vacations from the US. A birthday party was in progress. Now there is good news and there is bad news. The bad news first. I accidentally said that the birthdayboyman did not look a day over 40. He turned out to be 36. The good news is that I had some of that awesome Black Forest Cake.

I went to visit an old old relative. And I found the most awesome thing there. Our family tree. Going back twelve generations. So I prompty copied it. Then when I was about to leave he told me it was a friends family tree and not ours (Time to kill myself by an overdose of chocolate syrup). Not what I wanted to hear after copying the names of about one crore hundred people. But then the old relative felt sorry and I was giften and old wooden pen. I am loving this day.

something interesting about karachi city ---> Thank god my weblog is interesting as opposed to my online conversations.

Todays rant (No jokes about this being the high point of the day. I promise.) which is the high point of the day would be about book reading. Or rather the lack of it. Well Pakistanis hardly ever seem to be people who might accidentally read a book (God forbid of course). Well that reflect in the way people talk and ramble on about things that have no meaning or important. Well my message today - READ READ READ (Yes I can use caps because here it is not for emphasis. It is to show that I am screaming).

14 Ziqaad 1424

Today had all the trappings of a boring day. I could see it. The way the clouds moved on the sky (Oh, so slowly). I knew it. I was dreading today. But I decided to do something to beat the boredom. I ended up watching a movie and looking at the walls of the house for about one hour. So I can safely say that what was destined to be a boring day turned out to be much better.

I was cajoled forced into watching 'Stuck on you'. It was an OK movie. If you dont have any better movie then watch it. Although for those of you out there who are a - very gay or b - female the film had Matt Damon in it (Prayer: Thank god I am gay). Allah! I am turning into a really desperate homosexual.

Movable Type is finally up and running on the other address that I posted about.

Oh and yes I was about to forget todays rant. How would you people survive if I forgot to do that (notice the seething sarcasm). Well it is about making lines. When you are supposed to use something and there are other people as well. MAKE A LINE! OK! I mean come on. What is it. There are 12 people in a line and a newcomes just goes to the front. It is not at all acceptable. Go to the back of the line and wait your turn.

14 Ziqaad 1424

The Movable Type blog is Search for love in Karachi. But please do not link to that address. I have yet to play around with that one.

13 Ziqaad 1424

I told you all about the webspace and the hosting and how excited I was about it. It turns out I am too stupid to run Movable Type. (No, no, really, I failed) Despite the help of three people. And each of them helped a lot. Now I will just go to the nearest overhead bridge and jump. And fall on some poor man's old old car. And cause him a lot of damage which will cause him to go under and his family to come onto the street. So I will die, and be hated by one family for ever. So Jalal (YES! I am talking to myself again) why dont you just make sure you dont fall on a car. BREAK! BREAK!

Ohk. This talking to myself started as a thing on the blog only. It was just the kind of joke that I make up. As usual making fun of myself so everyone can laugh and be merry. But now I am actually talking to myself at times. If I keep that up I might sprout another personality. Which I dont have to tell you would be too horrible a thing to even contemplate (horrible). So from now on I will talk to myself only on rare occasions. Loosely translated the last sentence means there will be no change.

Today I decided to do something sudden and without much fore thought. To remind me of college. And to prove to myself that I am still interesting. I couldn't think of anything (No, I am not boring). So I decided to watch a random movie. It is a very adventurous thing to do. The movie could turn out to be of the kind where you might desire to eat your arm for want of interesting things to do. And after two hours you are in a bad mood and ready to kill, maim and mangle people who might accidentally say something postive about the movie.

Despite my luck I ended up selecting 'The Last Samurai'. I wasn't prepared for an excellent movie. But I saw one all the same. I dont know if I felt it so much because of certain similarities of circumstances and thoughts. But I do know that there were a couple of occasions in the movie when I wanted to be over there. And there were a few occasions when I wanted to bow and kneel. It was a wonderful movie. I would recommend it. Specially for Asians as they can relate to some of the things in it at many levels.

And some interesting searches for the day
search for love in karachi -- From Google Netherlands -- I have had this search once every few days for quite some time now. DUDE!!! Link to me. Or add me to your favourites.
karachi sluts --- Finally! Google is showing sings of intelligence and sending the correct results for the right searches.

There is no rant today. Except that I hate people who rant. That means you Jalal. Hey dont talk to me that way I rant because I have to. No you don't. Yes I do. No you don't. (Pssssst. This is the third one. Let these two argue. Ill get you out of here. Khuda Hafiz(Bye)).

12 Ziqaad 1424

Today was an interesting day. As I always say, interesting is not a positive thing to say about either food or days.

Today I went to a big big family dinner. After the usual pleasantries where everyone meets everyone we all sat down again. I realized to my horror that I was not sitting with any of the normal people. To more horror and self loathing I realized that I was sitting with two people who I didnt know (One of them smelled like cucumbers). Which means that it was going to be much more horrible than I thought. Those two people promptly made all my fears come true. And the only thing that made me not commit suicide was the dinner.

At the dinner. I got some with my cousins 5 month old daughter. And my cousin gave the kid to me and told me to hold her. I did. I loved it. The child was a blessing by Allah. Then I was told to give her milk. Which I did. I can not you guys how excited I was when I did that. It was a wonderful experience. She was sucking on the nipple and she was holding my finger very tightly (No! I am not a sissy. Children do hold fingers tightly). I felt so good. Then I held her again. And she vomited all over me. Yes ladies and gentlemen you are right. I can not have it all. And I hate it. I loved the kid. She had a luminescence in her skin and the smell of baby power. In short. WOW!

Today a very interesting search came in the shape of
Karachi Mom ---> Ohk ... This must be about my mom. And I am sure they got the right one.

Today's rant or rather the lack of it. Coming back from the dinner I had my baby cousin in my lap. She lives in the USA so I was trying to show her all the good things in Pakistan. And I realized that I may rant and rave. I may feel sick and disgusted. I may feel bitter and angry. But at the end of the day. I love this place and its people. With all their postive and negatives. I love Pakistan and Pakistanis. I cannot help it. It is a human predicament. And just for this love I am in such trouble. But I accept it. Come what may. I will love you. Always.

Ahhhhh. The futile love of a man for a dying civilization.

11 Ziqaad 1424

Today was a wonderful day. Wonderful. And I am not just saying this to keep you all reading this post. It is true. Seems that the universe has suddenly started to desist from its infinite loathing of me and give me a small chance. I have been chatting with this guy for a long time. And today I met him. Just as friends of course. I helped him start his own blog. And he helped me by being very casual and normal and helping me calm the hell down. The meeting ended in us sitting down on some stairs in a market. Looking at the traffic going by and talking about gay life in Karachi. And I have to say that to my abject horror we have a large number of common acquaintances in Karachi's gay circle. Actually it is unnerving enough to bring a compltely new meaning to the term 'It's a small world'.

Oh and thank god, it turns out that, I am not a complete buffon. I learnt how to change the ring tone of my cell phone to Malkauns. And it is working.

Today I went to the old tea spot with my cousin and friends. It was wonderful. The disgusting sweaty aroma from the bearers. The dead flies littering the saucer. The wild cats and dogs frolicking in the winter sunlight. A very different and unique experience.

And there is some good news. A friend has offered to host my blog. Which would mean that now I have hosting. Which means that now I can afford to have Movable Type. I would like to say thanks to Stairs and Adam for helping me out and telling me about that. But the new site can not be up until I have it ready and set to go. So I will take help from any of you stupid enough to turn up on my computer screen.

There was a VERY strange search today.
stomach specialist doctor in karachi ---> As god is my witness! I have no idea how this could have led to my blog.

And the crescendo of my posts. The rant. Well it is about how people behave in tea houses. When you go with your friends to sit there. You do not take any chairs without asking the people sitting there if it is taken. Wrongly so it was done by one of our friends. And sadly I couldnt tell him it is wrong and please put it back. The man on the other table came back and had to get a chair. And he knew all along that his chair was on our table. I feel horrible. And I have promised myself I will never something like this happen again.

10 Ziqaad 1424

I had a wonderful day today. Maybe because of the weekend tomorrow. Who knows? And reminiscent of the old days when I sometimes spent the night at my cousins I am here tonight as well. Having fun and listening to some of the juciest gossip that there ever can be. Including a guy who tried to get his hair coloured blonde but his hair are now in a complete mess and not blond at all. Well lets just say that he does meet humans any more. At least till his new hair grow. And he has a horrible new cap.

We had a dinner tonight where a large group of people gathered. Too large if you ask me. And by the end when people kept coming and coming the circle that we made around the table grew so large that we could not see the person across of you. So like any normal gathering of too many people we sat with the people we knew and talked a lot. While at the same time not trying to miss what the people at the other end of the table were laughing at. But horribly failing at that. So it was like every gathering of too many people on the same table who dont all know each other. Awful. But the food was good and I got to meet my friends again.

It was nice being there meeting all those people again. All of the old friends from college. With each and every little detail that makes all of them unique. With their was of talking to how they move their hands to how they laughed. To how some people lied. No maliciously but just to impress others. And then how they nervously looked at me. I have a horrible habit of correcting people if they lie in front of me and I catch them. Which I did last night as well. Resulting in a long series of arguments. Which I should add I promptly won. Hmmmm I dont think the word 'won' here reflects very well on me. But whatever. I am so happy I might just not care at all.

No interesting searches for the day. I apologize on behalf of humanity's folly.

Yesterday I noticed the traffic at the Lalukhet Das Number Chowrangi. The old Al-Azam Square. It was horrible. Really horrible. And I realized at that moment how important road manners are. They are as important as Table manners or Drawing Room manners. You cannot act like barbarians on the roads. You have to follow the rules and regulations that are there for everyone's safety. Signal when you change your lane. Use the correct lane according to your speed. Being able to afford a car and then get a drivers licence does not give you the right to drive it. What gives you the right to drive your car is the understanding that you are a responsible human being who will follow the rules and regulations of driving.

Good Heavens! This is an awfully boring post. How you people get around reading my blog. I have no idea. So for now. Khuda Hafiz.

09 Ziqaad 1424

A much more calm, collected and sober Jalal sits and types this post. Unlike the frenzied, scattered and excited Jalal from last night. Pakistan night is over. I have had the sleep and Pakistan day is over for me. For now that is. And now before you people get bored beyond all reasonable limits of comprehension I will start amusing you all with todays post.

Today I realized that I have to have Raaga Malkauns or some thing related to it as the beep of my cell phone (I know I know I am strange). I had to spend about 4 hours today just to learn about the basics of Raagas and what their structure is. Honestly! I am still very very clueless about this. Then after finding some information about the Malkauns that I barely understood (barely) I had to translate it into the Western format of music notation. So I had to spend about an hour learning those basics. After that I had to convert it to the numerical system which took about 10 minutes. And the result is that my cell phone is not capable of editing in this depth so I cannot have Malkauns after all. Which is very bad indeed. Way to go Jalal. You are officially a moron.

Today I went to see the progress in all those seeds that I told you about. Well I saw hundreds of small plats growing there. Hundreds! And I was so elated. I mean I gave life to these. And to think that they didnt turn out to be like me. Phew! Thank be to Allah! Otherwise they would be made fun of by all the other plants that they would live with and what not. Oh dear. I need Tea. Ill be back after the tea.

Today I had the sensation that I was bored. I never get bored. So I was thinking why am I bored today when I am never bored otherwise. I suddenly realized. Oh! I read this wonderful novel that I have everyday. But today I didnt. Then a voice inside me said. Hello! Jalal! What the hell was this? And I said, Yar I am sorry, it was a mistake. Then the voice said. Dude! you are talking to me again. And I said, oh ok, I will stop. And I have no idea why I am putting this on my blog except to probably scare you and cause all prospective readers to not become my boyfriends ever.

Two very interesting searches for the day.
0.95 m Karachi Satellite Image ---> Well whoever you are who searched for this if you are really interested in that email me and ill tell you some sites with satellite images of Karachi.
MCB tallest building in Karachi ---> Yes it is the tallest and it is an aesthetic horror.

Todays Rant would be about the habit of Pakistanis to spit. I mean what the hell is that. AAACH THOOOO! And they spit. It is seriously crude, crass and barbaric. Most men here spit. They spit while standing on the roads without abandon and without the smallest inkling that there might be something wrong in it. Some of them spit out of their windows. Some spit in their houses. It just keeps getting sicker and sicker. If you tell someone that it is wrong and strange. They will tell you that you are a woman and a sissy and laugh amongst themselves while spitting at the same time. Disgusting habit. DISGUSTING!

09 Ziqaad 1424

I had a chat with A.I tonight. He is a very dear and close friend from college. Every once is a while ... Read one month, we have what I call a Pakistan Chat. We due to some reason lead out discussion to Pakistan and the problems facing it. What we can do. What we cannot do. Why we cannot do it. What is wrong with Pakistanis. Everything. The whole story. Each and every facet of the throbbing wounds.

The whole Defence scenario with big mansions and English medium schools and where money buys respect and honour.

The whole mass of squalour and abject povert where literacy is a dream and illiteracy and a lack of education rule supreme.

The whole nation that wants to leave and make it big somewhere else in the world where they dont have to work hard.

The complete wild run for money as a sole panacea and a complete disregard for the means in which it is acquired.

The complete lack of men to tell them that they have to come back onto the right track and select the right way.

The complete aloofness of Pakistanis to education, learning, culture and civilization.

The nation that sees the rich getting richer the poor poorer and the middle class become extinct slowly.

The nation that is taught have Amanat(Trustworthiness), Diyanat(Honesty), Sadaqat(Truthfullness) and Sharaafat(Piety) but doesnt believe in any of those.

The nation that believes in the presence of money, glamour and pomp to be the mettle of a man.

The English language that only a few of us are taught and those not taught in it see closed to them all avenues of progress.

The English language that only a few of us are taught and only those few may do something for the progress of the whole.

The English language that will cause all those educated in it to seek better opportunities in the First world countries.

And by the end of the night. After listening to the song that I put up earlier. And the long chat with A.I. I am very emotional. I want to go out now and go to the nearest Edhi or Hamdard office and tell them 'I am here'. Just tell me what to do. I just want to do something for Pakistan. Time is running out. Every moment brings us closer to the abyss. We have to do something or all is lost. It is lost. We will all run away to America and Canada and England and Australia and the Gulf. But what will remain if Pakistan will become what it is going to become. What will happen if all is lost.

No. It has to end. The immigration has to stop. This running away from the problem has to end. The proletariat is too weak to speak out alone. The bourgeoisie have to stay. Keep them here. Let them be hungry. When bread runs out they will eat cake. When cake runs out men carrying bamboos will scream "Sab Taaj Uchalay Jaain Gay! Sab Takht Giraaey Jaain Gay!" and women carrying sticks will scream "Hum Ahl e Safa Mardood e Haram! Masnad Pay Bithaay Jaain Gay!". And we will be free at last. We will see what freedom and liberty and prosperity mean. We will know what it means to have a state that is for you rather than for a small class of Pakistanis.

Let there be The storming of the Bastille, Let there be the Karachi Commune, Let there be the Red Dawn, Let there be, anything, Oh Allah! But Please Please Let there be Freedom, Let there be Light, Let there be Liberty, Let there be Prosperity. Let there be a governement whose primary objective is the well being of all Pakistanis and Pakistanis in general.

Well so I am and I will be emotionally out of control until I have a long sleep. Until then. It is Pakistan day for me.

09 Ziqaad 1424

I have been tearful for the last few minutes. Why? I will share with you. It is at the point where I have put the '*'.

(Beginning Music)
(Iqbal Bano's voice) Hum Dekhain Gay (Clapping by the audience)
Hum Dekhain Gay
Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhee Dekhain Gay (Audience's clapping matches the tablas beat)
Hum Dekhain Gay
Hum Dekhain Gay (Clapping)
Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhee Dekhain Gay
Hum Dekhain Gay
Woh Din Keh Jis Ka Waada Hay
Hum Dekhain Gay
Woh Din Keh Jis Ka Waada Hay
Jo Loh e Azal Main Likha Hay
Hum Dekhain Gay
(Clapping matches the tablas beat ... slow yet strong)
Hum Dekhain Gay
Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhee Dekhain Gay
Jab Zulm o Sitam Ke Koh e Garan (Low murmur of wah wah)
Rooee Ki Tarah Urr Jaeen Gay (Clapping and Applause)
Jab Zulm o Sitam Ke Koh e Garan
Rooee Ki Tarah Urr Jaeen Gay
Ham Mehkoomon Kay Paaon Talay
Yeh Dharti Dhar Dhar Dharkay Gi (Applause)
Aur Ahl e Hakam Kay Sar Oopar
Jan Bijle Kar Kar Karke Gi (Loud Applause)
Hum Dekhain Gay
Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhee Dekhain Gay (Clapping matches the Tables Beat)
(Clapping matches the Tables Beat)
Jab Zulm o Sitam Ke Koh e Garan
Jab Zulm o Sitam Ke Koh e Garan
Rooee Ki Tarah Urr Jaeen Gay
Rooee Ki Tarah Urr Jaeen Gay
Ham Mehkoomon Kay Paaon Talay
Yeh Dharti Dhar Dhar Dharkay Gi
Aur Ahl e Hakam Kay Sar Oopar
Jan Bijle Kar Kar Karke Gi (Low murmur of wah wah)
Hum Dekhain Gay (Clapping matches the Tables Beat)
Hum Dekhain Gay (Clapping matches the Tables Beat)
Hum Dekhain Gay
Jab Arz e Khuda Kay Kaabay Say
Jab Arz e Khuda Kay Kaabay Say
Sab But Uthwaay Jain Gay (Applause)
Jab Arz e Khuda Kay Kaabay Say
Sab But Uthwaay Jain Gay
Hum Ahl e Safa Mardood e Haram (Applause)
Masnad Pay Bithaay Jaain Gay (Loud Applause)
(Loud Applause)
Jab Arz e Khuda Kay Kaabay Say
Sab But Uthwaay Jain Gay
Jab Arz e Khuda Kay Kaabay Say
Sab But Uthwaay Jain Gay
Hum Ahl e Safa Mardood e Haram
Masnad Pay Bithaay Jaain Gay (Low Murmur)
Sab Taaj Uchalay Jaain Gay (Loud Applause)
(Loud Applause)
(Fast Clapping in Unison)
(Table beat is changed to the beat of the Clapping)
(Clapping dies down)
(Iqbal Bano) (lightly) Shukria (Lightly in the background ... "Pakistan Zindabad!")
(Loudly "Pakistan ... Zindabad * ... Pakistan ... Zindabad")
(Loudly "Pakistan" ... Very Loudly ... "Zindabad")
Jab Arz e Khuda Kay Kaabay Say
Sab But Uthwaay Jain Gay (Slow Clapping)
Hum Ahl e Safa Mardood e Haram (Slow Clapping)
Masnad Pay Bithaay Jaain Gay
Sab Taaj Uchalay Jaain Gay (Applause)
Sab Takht Giraaey Jaain Gay (Loud Applause) (Lightly in the background ... "Pakistan Zindabad!")
Bas Naam Rahey Ga Allah Ka (Applause)
Bas Naam Rahey Ga Allah Ka
Jo Ghaaib Bhi Hay Haazir Bhi (Low Murmur)
Jo Nazir Bhi Hay Manzar Bhi (Low Murmur)
Utthay Ga An Al Haq Ka Naara (Loud Applause)
Utthay Ga An Al Haq Ka Naara
Jo Main Bhi Hoon Aur Tum Bhi Ho (Applause) (Clapping)
Aur Raaj Karay Gi Khalq e Khuda (Clapping)
Jo Main Bhi Hoon Aur Tum Bhi Ho (Loud Applause) (Clapping)
Hum Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhee Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Hum Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhee Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping) (A low sound ... "Pakistan")
Hum Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Hum Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Bas Naam Rahey Ga Allah Ka
Bas Naam Rahey Ga Allah Ka
Jo Ghaaib Bhi Hay Haazir Bhi
Jo Nazir Bhi Hay Manzar Bhi
Utthay Ga An Al Haq Ka Naara (Applause)
Utthay Ga An Al Haq Ka Naara
Jo Main Bhi Hoon Aur Tum Bhi Ho
Aur Raaj Karay Gi Khalq e Khuda
Jo Main Bhi Hoon Aur Tum Bhi Ho
Hum Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhee Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Hum Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhee Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Hum Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)
Hum Dekhain Gay (Loud Strong Clapping)

Pakistan Paindabad !
Pakistan Zindabad !

08 Ziqaad 1424

Oh dear. Oh Dear. Oh Dear! I was fat in 2003. And now I am fat in 2004. When will this EVER end. It is horrible. Even more than the fact that I am single and effeminate and have a wonderful and loving family and live a wonderful life compared to a vast vast majority of Pakistanis. I dont think that is what I wanted to say but, I guess you get the idea. If you are one of those people who still have not gotten the idea. Here is the idea - I feel bad about the small things in my life and but I dont feel good about the big things in my life. And if any you still doest have the idea then I can only say that you should never take an IQ test. It will hurt you a lot.

Oh and there is this other gay guy with a blog in Karachi. He seems to have suddenly decided to doom himself to meeting me. I feel very very sorry for the poor fellow and the horribly boring evening that he has in store for himself. And I have to say that I did not pass any hints to the idea of meeting sometime. He brought this on himself. I shudder to think of the poor fellow. Oh and he seems to read my blog. Which is why I should not say this here. But since I do not delete what I write on my blog I dont think I can stop it now.

In other news. I didnt do anything all day. I just lazed around. But I am going to shave and trim my goatee which seems to be growing at the happy rate of bamboos. Also I need to get a hair cut. Since people are starting to confuse me with one of the Boney Ems and the glory of their hair.

I have no idea what to think. Those interesting searches seem to be coming less and less now than they did before. Maybe it is something that I have not said.

And yes. What you are all waiting for with baited breaths at the edge of your seats. Todays rant. I have noticed that people in Pakistan are judged according to their English. The better the English the higher you are on the social / fawning ladder. But I have seen that people with the most awfully wrong and horribly disturbing English do most of this. It is horrible. Once while standing in a group one of our friends starts to speak a godawful thing that, he implied to us, was English. Then everyone joined the gaggle and made a veritable tower of babel of different languages that I was supposed to believe are English. I was pulled aside by one of the more enlightened and told to speak in English lest everyone else think of me as god forbid not knowing how to speak in English. And to my horror I also judge people by the language that they speak. But if they dont know a language then it is ok. But speaking a language (English) incorrectly only for the sake of trying to show that they can speak in it and speaking another language (Urdu) incorrectly only for the sake of showing that they cannot speak in it since they speak in (English) is just strange and bizarre. It is like a sign saying 'Welcome to Bizarro World (DO NOT ENJOY YOURSELF)'.

For those of you who noticed. Yes. I have started to use italics to denote emphasis rather than the usual all-caps that I used to use. Hey! The sign is not my text. It can be in all caps. If any of you has a problem with that. Then give me your phone number so I can explain this to you on a date.(I am getting desperate, am I not).

08 Ziqaad 1424

This post is SUPPOSED to contain a picture of my cell phone. If you cannot see the picture tell me about it so I can think of fixing it.

So you cant the picture, Can you? DAMN IT!

07 Ziqaad 1424

Yesterday's post today because of net trouble yesterday.

Although I know you are SO looking forward to it. But there will be no whining about the exercise today. NO! STOP! Please do not stop reading. I promise I will rant at the end.(GOD! you people like some STRANGE STUFF). The exercise is going fine. And after some expert advice from a blogger in the US I think it will get better now.

I was half forced and half cajoled by ALL of my family into buying a cell phone.(I am sure you all know this sentence means ... FULLY forced). I think I have a LG B1300. But frankly I have no idea why they have different ones. You use them for the same purpose. It is like OH! we invented something called the elbat and it will do EXACTLY what a table does. I mean. HELLO!!!

It was new years eve and I spent it with my family. Nice evening. It was marred by sporadic outbursts by an old female relative (currently staying with us) breaking out into lamentation about the new generation and its taking part in the satanic ritual of the new years eve and how we have lost all sense of virtue and vice. Thank be to Allah I am not a conservative !!! Thank you Allah Taala! Thank you!

I saw the program 'Tribute to Malika e Tarannum Noor Jahan' on Indus Vision Channel. And I noticed that the commercials were about 40% of the show time. What is with the commercials? Let me free! Let my tribute go! Let my tribute G O !

Unfortunately there are no searches here today.

Todays rant about my people and my society. Well going to buy the cell phone I realized that people have NO idea how to walk on the streets. So here are some basic rules. You walk on the right hand side. You walk in a straight line. You DO NOT stand in doorways. You DO NOT push other people. You do not utter LONG and HEAVY expletives in public places.

God if it wasnt for me. How WOULD people learn.

01 January 2004 / 07 Ziqaad 1424

Happy New Year!

Idea STOLEN from Brian, the 646 guy

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I'll be mine,
And we'll tak a cup o kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pou'd the gowans fine,
But we've wander'd monie a weary fit,
Sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin auld lang syne.

And there's a hand my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o thine,
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught,
For auld lang syne

-- Words adapated from a traditional song
by Rabbie Burns (1759-96)