The following is basically in order of how things progressed in the day.
There is a guy in the neighbourhood. I have chatted with him and he seems to be educated, humorous and intelligent. When I met him I realized WOW! he is CUTE. Then I realized that he was coming onto me. YES. People do come onto me. I am not intrinsically unlikeable. But there is a catch. Yes there is always a catch. Well I dont know if he is coming onto me or is he interested in me as a friend because of our similar interests. So this can end in two ways. I can either lose my virginity to him. Or I can make a move and he will tell everyone that I am gay. Hence rubbing my family name in dust. I have no idea what I am to do. Except, brood over it and DESTROY my life.
There was a LOUD and LONG cat fight today. Sorry guys. It wasnt women. It was actual cats. And they were WILD today. Anyone who has seen a cat fight in person will know what I am talking about. Cats can be VERY VERY violent. Even more than most rightist religious zealots. Hmmmm. Sorry. Correct analogy.
Tomorrow I am going on a date to meet R. He has a boyfriend. So we are meeting as friends. And everything between us is strictly 'Platonic'. I hate him ;)
Today I had a wonderful chat with a very interesting guy. It was one of those chats on lets say semi-philosophical topics. I liked talking to him so I asked for his MSN address like I always do. He told me he wont give it to me. Then he told me is not so uncertain words that he didnt like to talk to me because I wasnt intellectual enough for him. Then he left the chat.
I wanted to go to the nearest petrol station. Drink a lot of petrol. Then suck on a cigarette. Or maybe even put it upside down in my throat.
I have decided NOT to start conversation with people on MIRC, MSN, AOL. I think I have been made to realize on too many occasions that I am intruding on people. And some of these people I know well enough to know what it means. Basically I am not fun/interesting to talk to. OK. Your call. I wont force my company on anyone. If anyone wants to chat I wont shun them. At least this way I wont be forcing my company upon others.
Also I have decided NEVER to ask for anyones MSN address no matter what. Since I cannot take rejection. I will not try to hurt myself so much. If someone else finds me interesting I would LOVE to have their contact. But I dont wanna hurt.
Then I realized that I am 23. And I am a virgin. I am a freak. I am a freakity freaking freak. I mean come on. If I told any of you that I am 23 and a virgin. You will not take me up to your place. Youd rather put down your drink and RUN!!! I mean come on I should have had sex earlier. Now it is not just sex it is a big deal. With every passing moment the pressure and the facade become more and more harder to grasp.
I was a HORRIBLE loser at the badminton match. I was BLOWN OFF because I wasnt intellectual enough. I was RUDE to a friend all day. I just realized that I dont know ONE WORD of my major in college. I have NO idea what I am doing in life. People find me BORING. So all in all. I am not good at anything that counts in life. Bad at sports. Bad at talking. Not caring. Unprofessional. Unambitous. God I am feeling very bad by the end of today.
posted by Jalal @ 22:10
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home