Monday -- 16 Shawwal 1425 -- 08 Agrahayana 1926 -- 29 November 2004
تنہائی
پھر کوئی آیا دل زار! نہیں کوئی نہیں
راہ رو ہوگا ، کہیں اور چلا جائے گا
ڈھل چکی رات، بکھرنے لگا تاروں کا غبار
لڑکھڑانے لگے ایوانوں میں خوابیدہ چراغ
سو گئی راستہ تک تک کہ ہر اک راہ گزار
اجنبی خاک نے دھندلا دئے قدموں کے چراغ
گل کرو شمعیں، بڑھا دو مے و مینا و ایاغ
اپنے بے خواب کواڑوں کو مقفل کر لو
اب یہاں کوئی نہیں، کوئی نہیں آئے گا!
فیض احمد فیض
Sunday -- 15 Shawwal 1425 -- 07 Agrahayana 1926 -- 28 November 2004
Note : Bilal, you can not read today's post ;). Everyone else, you can not tell Bilal about today's post.
So, today was the date thing with Bilal. And it went so well that describing it will not do justice to it. I learnt a few things about Bilal.
1 - He was exactly on time.
2 - He is cute.
3 - He is intriguing.
4 - He is proper.
5 - He seemed to be very nervous about the meeting.
I am so going out with him again.
Saturday -- 14 Shawwal 1425 -- 06 Agrahayana 1926 -- 27 November 2004
After travelling in Rickshaws and Motorcycles for more than four hours today I can safely say that - my ass is killing me.
Friday -- 13 Shawwal 1425 -- 05 Agrahayana 1926 -- 26 November 2004
Everyone has their own style of sleeping. I toss and turn a lot with a lot of changes in position in between. Many other people do that too, but what seperates me from the normal human herd is that, I actually do it with a jump. I wake up then I jump/flip over to the other side and go back to sleep.
This is a very normal behaviour as long as I sleep alone. But sharing the bed with someone becomes somewhat of a problem. That happened in college. I was staying with a friend. He did not know about my jump/flip over routine. So, it happened, I woke up, I flipped, and I heard a huge DUZZZZ sound, I sat up, I saw my friend SM holding his nose and groaning, I started laughing and he actually cried with tears.
That will teach him to sleep with me and move beyond the imaginary line that divided the bed into my half and his half.
Oh, ahahaha, I know, you are thining "why is Jalal telling me this when I didnt ask him!". Well, the answer would be that I just changed my room's layout and now my bed is against a wall, and I am pretty sure that I broke a bone or two while jumping/flipping over during the night when I hit it so hard I actually thought the wall would fall down.
I am waiting till tomorrow morning, if there is sweeling I am going to be in a cast.
I hate SM, I am sure he cursed me and this is the result of that.
Damn you SM, damn you!
Thursday -- 12 Shawwal 1425 -- 04 Agrahayana 1926 -- 25 November 2004
It is one thing buying six chicks because after looking at them "you simply cannot be away from them". It is completely another taking care of them once they have been bought.
I had to cup six chicks in my hands for a full ten minutes before the damned things (said with the utmost of loving doting care and affection) went to sleep. Although I do admit that my maternal instincts feel good while doing that but at the same time such exercise turns my chicken (pun unintended) wings into man sized biceps. And by man size I mean Goldberg sized. So in effect it is good for my paternal instincts as well. Those being the ones where I kick them for sleeping around with the slutty chickens of the neighbourhood. Yeah, I found out they are all, all six of them, cocks.
So basically weaning and rearing half a dozen chicks is good for all the different persons inside and outside myself.
Goddamnit Jalal you promised Dr Khan you will never refer to yourself in the plural, as different persons or as another person.
Oops. It seems as if it is time for my appointment.
Wednesday -- 11 Shawwal 1425 -- 03 Agrahayana 1926 -- 24 November 2004
Why is it that when I am depressed I can't find anyone to talk to? And, why is it that when I do get to talk to someone they decide to act in a way that makes me feel worst?
Life sucks.
Tuesday -- 10 Shawwal 1425 -- 02 Agrahayana 1926 -- 23 November 2004
Sorry guys, damn net was down, so no post.
I agree I can write one right now. But I am not gonna.
Why?
Bite me!
Monday -- 09 Shawwal 1425 -- 01 Agrahayana 1926 -- 22 November 2004
After yesterday's post about all those words and their meanings I have another treat for you.
Today I am going to tell you what cute means. It means those six very very young furry chicks that I bought today. They were all coloured, red, pink, green, yellow, creme and brown. They make light high pitched chirping noises.
CUTE.
Sunday -- 08 Shawwal 1425 -- 30 Kartika 1926 -- 21 November 2004
There is anger and then there is hatred. The former is what I felt when my cousin didn't pick me up after promising to do just that. The latter is what I felt when my cousin dropped me one mile from the bus stop after promising to drop me at home.
There is another word - satisfied. That is what I felt while eating a huge amount of spicy deep fried meats. And then there is another word - full. That is what I felt after finishing my food.
And then there is another word, sublime, that is the feeling I got when I lay in bed while listening to Tchaikovsky.
Saturday -- 07 Shawwal 1425 -- 29 Kartika 1926 -- 20 November 2004
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! I had an excellent day today.
1 - I got up at 8.
2 - I closed the curtains to shut out all light from the room.
3 - I brought two loaves of bread, a bottle of cheese spread, a bottle of mayonnaise, a huge collection of shreaded cold chicken and lots of water into my room and put in on my side table.
4 - I put on "Lord of the Rings - Fellowship of the Ring" at 0843.
5 - I put on "Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers" at 1141.
6 - I put on "Lord of the Rings - Return of the King" at 1437.
7 - I decided that I needed to sleep and slept till seven.
Perfection.
Friday -- 06 Shawwal 1425 -- 28 Kartika 1926 -- 19 November 2004
Ok, this is not going to be a normal post. I am too depressed to write a normal post.
If you dont wanna read this, please stop here.
So well, I am so depressed because of my completely fucking up my life. Or at least as I see it right now. I mean, I am not going anywhere with it. I am single and it seems as if that tag will be there for a long long time. I am too "responsible" and "mature" to have flings and meaningless sex. Also, I need to know someone a bit before I have sex with him. I have had this approach for two years now and I havent met anyone throught it. Which basically sucks and tells me that this approach is not right. But I am just not the guy who meets up with people from over the net too soon. I am too much in the closer to meet people like that. And that is why I will NEVER have sex.
And if you think that this is the only reason why I am depressed. Well, you would be right.
Fuck!
Wednesday -- 04 Shawwal 1425 -- 26 Kartika 1926 -- 17 November 2004
Today, I will tell you what Moral Rightist Gay Porn (MRGP) is.
It starts with two men doing motions that are seen in gay pornographic movies. A plant or a suitably placed piece of furniture hides "the parts of shame" of the gentlemen. These acts take place in a satanic temple. There are frescoes of demons and satan killing innocent children and feasting on their blood. Along with symbols denoting the hatred of truth and purity.
During the whole period the camera shifts angles and shows us differnt angles of the picture with the proper sections (read gonads) hidden. At the end the two partipants fall into each others arms and start crying. They wail that they have sinned and that God will smite them. They realize that they have wronged and promise to stop everyone else from doing this act of develish carnal delights.
Suddenly there is lightning and everything is destroyed. Then a bright light emanates from a break in the clouds and the light of religion shines on the world.
Tuesday -- 03 Shawwal 1425 -- 25 Kartika 1926 -- 16 November 2004
The third day of eid and the usual routine of getting up at 10, going to a LOT of relative's houses and then coming home to crash.
Today was different. My uncle got a new house. Which is furnished. He showed it to us. It was the most perfect 70s decor that I have ever seen in my life. The house was perfect. Much much much better than the houses in magazines.
I was still reeling from the effects of being in the presence of such beauty while I was coming back home. Suddenly a motorcycle with three guys on it came up next to me. The guy sitting at the back was the hottest male human I have seen in the last two years. Just as I was saying "good job" to the owner of the house, I said "good job" to Allah for the wonders of beauty.
Ahhhhhh hhhhhhh hhhhhh, good times.
Monday -- 02 Shawwal 1425 -- 24 Kartika 1926 -- 15 November 2004
It was the second day of Eid today.
I drove the car a total of 165.4 kilometers today. All Urban traffic.
I met at least 120 relatives today. All relatives.
Oh dear God.
My crush of the week is
Bill Goldberg. If I am with him, I do not think I will say "no".
Fuck Fuck Fuck! Fuck Fuck Fuck! Fuck Fuck Fuck!
I seriously need to have sex or I am afraid I will die of some illness due to lack of sex.
I don't see any sex in my near future because of the strange mental psycosis that I have. Fuck goddamnit fuck!
Goddamnit!
Sunday -- 01 Shawwal 1425 -- 23 Kartika 1926 -- 14 November 2004
آپ سب کو عید مبارک
Eid Mubarak to all of you
Saturday -- 29 Ramazan 1425 -- 22 Kartika 1926 -- 13 November 2004
چاند رات - Chaand Raat
I was sitting in a very comfortable, albeit slightly dusty, sofa thinking about the 385 rupees that I had bet on the fact that the month of Ramazan will be of 29 days, and, I was listening to the strangely inconsistent pieces of news coming from the Ruet-e-Hilal Committee - the local zoo. The moon has been seen; the moon has not been seen; people who have seen the moon are disbelieving infidels who want to hurt the cause of Islam; people who have not seen the moon are blind to the truths of Islam and hence Allah has put a curtain on their actual eyesight; since the Americans and the Russians have landed on the Moon it plays heinous tricks on us Muslims. Etc etc etc .... ad nauseum.
Let's just say that I was orgasmically enthused by the level of general paranoia and psychosis that is typical on the 29th of Ramazan in Pakistan.
As I was thinking about this I heard the same thing that I have heard for such a long time. The speaker in the Mosque came to live and the Muezzin said "
حضرات، ایک ضروری اعلان سماعت فرمائیں، شوال کا چاند نظر آ گیا ہے، کل پاکستان میں عید ہو گی۔" (Gentlemen, please listen to an important annoucement, the new moon for the beginning of the month of Shawwal has been sighted, it will be Eid tomorrow in Pakistan). As soon as that announcement ended people much more excited (and better armed) than me let loose their emotions and ran up to their roofs and fired gunshots into the air as a mark of happiness (and showing off). Within half an hour, millions of rupees of ammo and hundreds of gunshots later things calmed down and people went about the traditional activities of Chaand Raat (Eid eve).
As usual my family's tradition of using me took over and I had to take my sisters all the way over to
مینا بازار (Meena Bazaar) to buy then loads of Bangles and to get their hands painted with interesting yet useless patters of heena. That took one hour, since another one million brothers were doing the same thing in the same building. Not a good thing.
When I got home I got my own personal Eid gift. Pakistan beat India in a very closely contested Cricket match.
And to all of you out there ...
چاند مبارک - Chaand Mubarak
Friday -- 28 Ramazan 1425 -- 21 Kartika 1926 -- 12 November 2004
I will just tell you about my day in really cool numbers and figures.
Kilometers travelled by car - 128.6
Number of fried eggs eaten - 6
Time on the road in minutes - 120
Number of times I had sex - 0
Number of times I told myself to stop eating eggs - 77,465
Number of extemely cute flight attendants I saw at the airport today - 6
Needless to say, the day was perfect.
Thursday -- 27 Ramazan 1425 -- 20 Kartika 1926 -- 11 November 2004
Today I had to keep a Roza (day long fast) without Sehri (pre fast meal). The only thing that I can call such a Roza is that - it is a bitch. I nearly died by the time of Aftari (meal eaten when we open the fast).
So I made my special omelette. The one that I had decided not to make until I wake up next to someone. It has lots of cut up sausages, cheese, milk and other things. It is a little piece of heaven. I love eating eggs and that is the best thing that happened to me today.
To tell you how much I liked that omelette - I would forego sex with Colin Farell.
I cannot possibly begin to explain how good it tastes. But if any of you ever wants a taste; you know what you have to do.
Ohk, I have changed my mind. Sex with Colin Farell is too good an option to let go for eggs.
But then again, they were very good omelettes.
Oh, I have the perfect answer, eating my super omelette WHILST having sex with Colin Farell.
Oh my God, I am so sick.
Wednesday-- 26 Ramazan 1425 -- 19 Kartika 1926 -- 10 November 2004
So I am here at my cousin's house. We took the day off. All of us. Now we are going to take part in decadent activities all day and all night long.
Cards, Caramboard (I have no idea how this is spelt), Tea, Lots of deep fried things, and of course Humour.
Needless to say, I don't have time to blog.
0200am11nov2004 - AA WOO HOO!!!
0400am11nov2004 -
Man I got drunk again.
Tuesday -- 25 Ramazan 1425 -- 18 Kartika 1926 -- 09 November 2004
I have been thinking about something lately. I have learnt something about men in general. Something that I didn't know earlier but I have learnt as I have been into it.
If I am in a car, and I have an accelerator under my foot, and the car in empty. I am going to push that down as much as I can. It is a basic instinct of any human with a penis and normal testosterone levels. So when I used to rant and rave about it, it was because I did not have first hand knowledge. Now that I do, it is normal and all healthy men should do it.
Same thing goes for racing on the road after sarcastic looks at each other at the traffic signals.
Wow, it is nice learning about oneself.
Monday -- 24 Ramazan 1425 -- 17 Kartika 1926 -- 08 November 2004
I am very happy today. It was just proven to me that I am a hot young man who attracts other hotyoung men.
I had to drop my grandfather off for a meeting and then wait for him. I decided to wait in the car. There was no parking so I had to park about a kilometer away from the place. So, I was sitting there, windows open, airy, cool, music. Suddenly I realized that the people on the sidewalk were not dressed normally and there were too many young boys. I stopped staring at the guys as I usually do when I am sitting in a car.
I suddenly realized, fuck, I am sitting in a car, waiting, in a red light area and staring at the guys. I was about to start the car and run the hell away when one guy who I was staring at wuite a lot opens the door and sits on the seat next to the drivers sear. At this moment I started to sweat and tremble. I had no idea what to do. So I just somehow stammered out, get out. He left. Then I left immediately.
I stopped sweating one hour later. To think that if by some accident my grandfather saw that guy sit in the car. Wow. All hell would have broken loose.
Sunday -- 23 Ramazan 1425 -- 16 Kartika 1926 -- 07 November 2004
Today I was hanging out with my neighbourhood friends, sitting on the curb, smoking ourselves to death. Suddenly this kid walks upto us. About 3 years old. He stands right infront of us. He keeps loking at me, straight in the eye, for about one minute. We all start looking at the kid. Then he starts crying. Louder and louder while continuously looking at me. Finally his sister takes him away.
I think that maybe the kid saw the deep rooted evil inside me. I heard that kids can see such things.
I feel so violated.
My crush of the week is
Christian Slater. I don't know why he isn't as highly rated as he should be.
Saturday -- 22 Ramazan 1425 -- 15 Kartika 1926 -- 06 November 2004
So, it's a normal day at the office. I am working. I am going to my bosses office every half hour. He is telling me that there are at least as many mistakes as sentences in what I have written. It is all going very well. Better than my three-mistakes-per-sentence days.
Then we have tea. We are all drinking tea and having fun. Suddenly another guy from a different department pops into our office and casts a spell on my boss. I can see that my boss has lost all control over his senses and is in the guy's control.
Then, under that influence he ends up saying that the-guy-from-the-other-department is the best writer he has ever seen. At this I rise up and declare "Die! Infidel Scum!" and chop his head off with my sword.
Actually, that is what I would have wanted that to be. In reality I just sat there with a completely artificial smile while desiring to spill the tea on that guys lap and kick his ass all the way out of the office.
That did not happen. Instead, I just poked two red hot pokers into my brain through my nose and died a horrible horrible death.
I just saw the movie Shrek II. I have to say that it is a must see for audiences of all ages and genders. Oh, sorry. This does not include religious extremists like Republicans and the Taliban. Purely based on the lack of horrible cruel jokes about liberals and normal humans who want to live their lives without being beaten with sticks and crosses to be chastised.
Movie Score : 98 out of 100.
Friday -- 21 Ramazan 1425 -- 14 Kartika 1926 -- 05 November 2004
Today I am going to tell you about one of my more secret daily rituals. I would warn you, don't judge me.
I have a huge mirror in my room. It is actually a magic mirror. It shows a person as he or she is inside rather than as they are outside. Since I have such a great super natural power at my hands I decided to use it for good. I stand infront of it everyday to see how I look.
Until recently I couldn't understand what it meant to have a fat image in that mirror. I realized the answer to that four days ago. I was standing infront of the mirror and trying to see any changes in the image in the last one day. I suddenly realized that it is not a magic mirror after all. It is a normal mirror.
I started exercising from that day. And including today I will have been exercising for four days.
Good for me.
Never good to live in a fantasy.
P.s - I am sorry. I am not crazy. Please don't feel sorry for me. Please please please don't feel sorry for me. I am not a psychotic loser. I am just a psychotic blogger. Please please please.
Jalal shut the hell up.
Au Revoir.
Thursday -- 20 Ramazan 1425 -- 13 Kartika 1926 -- 04 November 2004
All right. I need some opinions. Your opinions will make me decide these things.
1 - Am I allowed to honk at someone who changes into my lane without giving an indicator signal?
2 - Am I allowed to feel extremely angry if I am in the left lane and have been giving an indicator for turning left for 300 meters and the guy behind me nearly hits me when I am turning left?
3 - How the hell do I clean up Vaseline Petroleum Jelly easily?
4 - Why the hell can't I just take the traffic in a normal android / vulcan way - without going all crazy?
All right, on some of the points I dont need opinions. They should be considered as musings.
Wednesday -- 19 Ramazan 1425 -- 12 Kartika 1926 -- 03 November 2004
So, I am sitting in my car; I am moving at unreasonable speeds to get home as soon as possible; I really need to go to the bathroom; then suddenly, I am stuck in traffic.
I had to sit there for one hour nearly dying in the drivers seat. I tried desperately to change lanes so I could stop at the side and run to the nearest mosque. But that wasnt to be. There were no cuts in the road so no cars allowed me to change lanes.
It was a hell of an hour. Then when I got home. I was told that Bush is winning the elections. So everything stopped and I didnt need to go to the loo any more. If only I had been listening to the news radio when I was in the car.
Damnit!
Tuesday -- 18 Ramazan 1425 -- 11 Kartika 1926 -- 02 November 2004
Today while talking to a friend he said that I would maybe like to have a boyfriend who came over and cooked food for me and my family. I laughed it off and told him that he is a cruel bastard who just wants to remind me that I don't have a boyfriend. Oh, and yes, please don't feel bad for him. He
is a cruel bastard. But I digress.
So while he said that I realized that that is not at all what I would like in my guy. I let my imagination wander and make a picture of the guy who I would want to be with. Needless to say I let my imagination loose and I got a completely skewed picture. Somewhat reminiscent of the 'twilight zone'.
I pictured him as someone who would return every evening after day long barehanded street fights with hardened warrior men. With scars and bruises all over his body; his bloodied swords, knives and other weapons hanging from his military clothes. Then he would eat his favourite food by picking off choice meat off of the bone of extra rare chicken tikkas.
Then he will take a break to recuperate from his war wounds. About one week. During that time I will keep working. I would be a special advisor to the President on Foreign Affairs or Foreign Relations.
So that is my favourite life. A warrior boyfriend and a job as a think tank regarding Foreign Affairs.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh, desires, desires, desires.
Monday -- 17 Ramazan 1425 -- 10 Kartika 1926 -- 01 November 2004
I went out with friends today. And I noticed one thing. Of the four places that we went to eat or munch or slurp or whatever, we were the loudest. Invariably we ended up talking so much more louder that the music that we used to find loud as we entered seemed background noise to us.
When we were returning from the fourth place I told my friends to learn to behave like gentlemen. And, to learn, they should look at me. They laughed. I laughed. We all had a loud hearty laughter.
Then we went to the fifth place. After fifteen minutes M reminded me that I was the loudest in the group and the group was the loudest in the place. I told him to shut up and go to hell. Then I started the talking loud thing again.
Damn it! Why am I such a bad bad boy!
