well needless to say i having HORRIBLE problems adjusting to family life after college. i know i know everyone in pakistan lives like this. but i cant. its done. i cant. its horrible ok. you dont know. it is horrible.
they are always expecting things from me which i cannot give. i mean come on i am not a prophet or god. they want me to be this and that and to do this and that. i cant do all that. i got used to an independent life after college. i cant do it.
and since i cannot come upto their expectiation which i think i should. i feel like a loser and a failure as a son and a brother. damnit. i hate all this. i actually feel like i am failing all of them. i feel like i am not coming upto any of my responsibilites.
yes you are right. i did have a fight with my mom today as well. but today she won. she told me that i should be living alone coz i am a liability and not an asset. she told me that i am not at all street smart and even her daughters are better at guy things. then she told me that i have only hurt her and never been a source of comfort to her. blah blah blah. long story short and my own interpretation. she wished she had some other person for a son. GOOD!
and as soon as i finished the last post i heard a song by nazia hassan.
she was a wonderful singer. i think she was the first to introduce popular (pop) music into pakistan at a larger scale and level. her songs are evergreen. every pakistani in my age group will remember her songs like childhood memories ...
sooraj chalta hay ...... aap jaisa koi ...... zara chehra to ...... dhere dhere ...... ooee ooee :) ...... sun meray mehboob sun
and so many others. these are songs that if you start to sing with someone in my age group they will start at it for no reason at all. it is a common cultural bond between pakistanis of my age. nazia hasan and her music. the many many super hits of our childhood. the songs that we heard over and over all over the media and on countless cassette players all over pakistan.
nazia hasan was a pakistani cultural icon. it is so unfortunate that she is with us no more. and it is so unfortunate that she died so very far away from her land.
may allah make pakistan good enough for pakistanis especially those who want to live here but are forced by circumstances to leave pakistan for greener pastures in the west.
i couldnt make it today. i meet T every night at 2300 on msn messenger. but today i couldnt. i got late. i came home at 0230. DARN. i miss him. and i have nothing else to blog about. so i will just type the songs that i listen to tongiht as i sorf the net.
Nazia Hassan - Camera Camera
Chopin - Minute Waltz
Iqbal Bano - Muhabbat Karney Walay Kam Na Hon Gay
Jefferson Starship - Its not over till its over
U2 - Montgomerys Visit
Vivaldi - Winter
Engelbert - Love me like i love you
Fareeda Khanum - Chand Nikle Kisi Janib Teri Zebai Ka
Jagjit Singh - Zulmat Kade main meray
Scatman - Scatmans world
Mehdi Hasan - Pyar Bhare Do Sharmeelay Nain
Rolling Stones - It must be hell
Rafi - Khoya Khoya Chand
Indian Oldie - Saagar Kinare
a huge mixture of indian and pakistani movie music. along with south asian classical and semi classical music. and european classical music. and the new western music.
ill go now and let you listen to your own musics. ;)
when you chat with someone for everynight for two weeks. it is a general expectation that you meet. that is what happened here. T was asking to meet but not mentioning it. it was like a question suspended in mid air and i knew it was there. well yesterday i felt the urge to take the next step and meet him.
i told him about it and he was quite happy about it. so we decided to meet. since he is slighly bus we will meet friday for lunch. i know i know what kind of a horrible date is a lunch date. but see i dont call it a date i call it a meeting. and T noticed this word VERY much "meeting?" isnt that a date and i was like "yeah yeah". so basically since it is lunch which is like a TERRIBLE date so we are having a meeting. god i hate this. i think he felt bad coz i called it a meeting and not a date. but i think ill make it upto him later on ;)
so well we both do not offer friday prayers. :) so we are going to meet on friday. and yes one horrible thing. we havent decided. hmmmmmmm. seems like i will have to talk to a lot of friends to find out where we can have decent lunch in karachi. :) so all of you. wish me luck on my date ... err ... meeting thing :)
and how are your lives proceeding.
also i read recently that the french revolution took place not because the french were the most wretched but because they were the best off. hmmm.
i went to get my sister from her school today. she is in the 6th grade. i went inside to pick her up. she and her friends were giggling together like girls for 6th grade do. very interesting. as soon as i got close enough she smiled and gave me her bag.
when i came outside she told me all her friends were asking her about who i am. so i asked her what did you tell them. she told me that she didnt tell her friends that i was her brother. taken aback i asked her why ? she said because i didnt look good enough and i wasnt wearing proper clothes. she was right. loolz.
i have never felt this rejected in my life. and since you all know i dont even have an iota of self respect. it didnt even make me feel bad. so that fact that i dont feel bad is what is irking me right now.
the guy who sent the email where he said that he was surprised to see allah and gay in the same sentence. please email me again. i am a moron and i deleted the items of my inbox after i finished reading your email. you seem like a person one can be friends with. please dont leave me alone because i am an idiot.
first of all i will give you all some unsolicited advice keeping in mind that what happened to me yesterday can happen to anyone. never stand under a tree with LOTS of birds. you might get your clothes dirty. and also you might have to go home to clean up. and later on find out from other people that you missed a perfectly excellent evening.
something very interesting happened last night. i was chatting with the guy (whome i have been chatting with every night for some time now :)) and he asked me if i have a fetish about uniforms and i said. yes. then he asked me if i have a fetish about guys in (his profession here) and i said yes. he was VERY amused. then i asked him if he had a fetish about guys in (my profession here) and he said yes. well come on it did seem interesting at that time.
also he asked me to meet him. sure i know him for some time now. but i have never met someone i met over the internet. also i have never been on a date. so i am dead scared. i think ill stall and stall and stall until some time. then i will meet him. shivers running down my spine. but the thing is we have VERY VERY similar interests. there are four things that we are both VERY interested in and i dont think there are people interested in even one of them. this is what makes this so interesting. architecture, urban/town planning, south asian history and south asian classical music. i mean come on. what are the chances. i cant believe this. he is nice and educated. and also. he knows french;) his urdu is impeccable. what more can i ask for. and yes. he has a sense of houmor. he actually has a sense of humour !!!
oh wait. ill be back in 5 mins. i think i am going to faint with delight ... ... ... ... ... ... ... i am back. ok bye :)
Have not been posting for some time. The reason can be seen from the following story.
Me, my cousin and a friend went for tea. We were sitting in the tea shop. Just ordered. My cousin had just lighted his cigarette. We had ordered three "doodh patti" (extra milky tea). Suddenly I saw there was someone standing right besides me. I looked up. There was a man standing there. The waiter who was passing by told us he needed money. We were confused.
He suddely started speaking. I usually avoid such encounters because generally people who beg arent worthy of the money and I dont want to say no. But this was no general case. My cousin suddenly something that caught my ears. I cant understand English to him. I looked up. The guy was looking at me and started talking in English. "I am a Mechanical Enigneer. I have been in the Army. I dont have a job. I have to feed a family". Although heavily accented, but, grammatically correct English. I was shocked.
Only educated people know English in Pakistan. A mere 3 % of the most educated people can talk the way he did. I was shocked. Is Pakistan really gone to this level of poverty, destitution and social destruction. Has it come to this that people with a bachelors degree in engineering, not the liberal arts, engineering have to go begging for tea and a biscuit or a little money. I mean what is this coming to.
While he was asking for money he broke down and started sobbing. Every sob hit on my nerves like a hammer. Every sniff was an explosion in my thought. I have no idea how I sat there. I have no idea how i got the audacity to ask my cousin if I should give him money. I have no idea how I could have possibly sat there and been so cold and steely.
Well we gave him some money. Came back home. I was quiet in the tea house and on the way back home. The others didnt even stop for that. But as soon as we were home. There was a lot of merrymaking.
That is how we feel about this. Surrounded by abject poverty and destitution we have become used to it and do not even pay it heed for more than 15 minutes. But one thing is going on. For the last 2 days I have been hearing a poem written by faiz and sung by iqbal bano in my head.
Hum Dekhain Gay
Lazim Hay Keh Hum Bhi Dekhain Gay
...
Sab Taaj Uchalay Jaen Gay
Sab Takht Giraey Jaen Gay
...
Bas Naam Rahey Ga Allah Ka
Aur Raaj Karey Gi Khalq e Khuda
Jo Main Bhi Hoon Aur Tum Bhi Ho
...
We will see
Imperative that we will see
...
All the crowns will fall
All the thornes will fall
...
Only Allahs name will remain
All Allahs beings will rule
That I am and that you are
...
Let up hope and pray for the best.
Life goes on. Day by day. Month by month. Year by year. Century by century. Millennium by millennium. People live people die. Feet walk the streets and are no more. Cities rise and cities fall. Civilization prosper and then become mere tribes. Time consumes all. Nothing is left. Save two things. Wonders for which manking toiled in the blistering sun and the freezing cold. Names of men great and tall who rise above the crowd.
Looking from an external and outside perspective. We are so so small. One Man does not matter. Neither does one villiage or city. Or for that matter nation or civilization. They are all transient details. What matters in the global movement. The global movement for excellence and perfection. The global movement of ideas, thought and ideals. The will to learn and the will to strive. That is what remains. All else is lost.
Makes me seem so small. Make my problems so petty and unimportant. The bigger picture. The real bigger picture. To think how Man developed from the wild tribes 7000 years ago to this level today. Within 7000 years we have found out how to split the atom and hence destroy ourselves. But we have also made the UNO to save us from that. We have made weapons but not books. It is time that man matured and acted as the real inhertor of the 7000 of history. It is about time all war ended.
WOW WOW WOW !!!
Well I was chatting with the guy I told you all about. T. And OH MY GOD! He is very interested in Urban Planning. I am fascinated by the subject. What are the chances ? I mean come on.
Over the past two days I have chatted with him about. South Asian History, Architecture, Music, Society, Arts, Culture. And again OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD !!! I have completely fallen for him. He is interested in everything I am interested in.
I mean I cannot say how VERY uncommon it is. He is interested in South Asian Classical Music. He is interested in South Asian History. He is even VERY good in Urdu but his English is shaky. BUT OH MY GOD !!! He knows French. This is SO cool. So wish me luck. Please dear God dont let him read this.
Jalal over and out.
OH MY GOD !!!
This blog presents the worst picture of me. I want to make this clear. I always write in my blog when I am emotionally active. So it might seem that I am a VERY emotional guy. Which I am not. I am a normal guy. Only Allah knows what that is.
Well I have decided to handle the Mom/Gay thing with denials and acting straight. So wish me luck.
DAMN IT!
horrible day today. had THE talk with my mom.
well she just told me to get of pc. when i started to whine she said NO come here now. so i went to talk to her.
she started with a why am i involved with such people. i had no idea what she was talking about. she told me that such people are there to destroy me. they are not my well wishers. they want to pull me onto a wrong path because i am a succesful person. i still didnt know what she was talking about. she kept going on and on about how people are trapped by such people and how they make sure to destroy succesful men. there was a deep deep sinking feeling inside me. i knew what was coming. then she told me i am an intelligent person no need to fall in traps. i still said i dont know what she is talking about. she said she saw me on the computer and she knows. i said know what. very very big sinking feeling. she said she knew i was being trapped by gay men and that i should stop doing this. i was like. no ammi there is nothing like that you must be mistaken. but no. she knew. she knows. she was extremely ill yesterday and today. i suspect only because of this. i dont know what to do. she knows.
i am a source of pain to my parents. nothing can be worse. in our culture in our society in our lives nothing can be worse than a child who is a cause of pain to his parents. i am a complete failure in life. a complete failure. i hurt my parents. i hurt my siblings. i hurt my family, my friends. everyone. i dont know what to do. i dont know. i am 23 now. and i have not done anything but hurt my parents. i dont know what to do. this is hurting me like hell.
i can only do one thing but pray. i will pray to allah that every man born gay in pakistan or who will become gay due to any reason should die at birth. no need to live like this. sometimes death is better than life. this is one of those times.
wish me luck. i am going to leave home and live away from my family. just anything that i can do to stop hurting them.
another story about my life. a little while ago i met this guy on mirc. well i liked him immediately. and we chatted a bit. then he told me he was str8. i said DAMNIT!
well we became friends. chat a lot even today. and today he asked me what i would rate him. i said 8/10. he was very happy. then he said why i never mentioned him on this blog. so here is a mention of him. his name is "sirus".
so sirus are you happy now that i mentioned you ;)
also i think i should say this. 8 is VERY uncommon. and VERY high in the rating.
i VERY interesting thing i heard today. from an old school friend who i met online after a very long time. she told me that girls in school (10 grade) used to like me a lot. and shockingly i was considered a hottie (?????) well i have no idea where they got that from. in school i always thought of myself as a loser kinda guy. shy/feminine/horrible at sports. but i was a fun guy to be with. you know the people magnet. funny and excited and cool. so now i have no idea what to think. maybe i was cool. wow. that is interesting to find out.
i wont even begin to tell you guys what this did for my self esteem. also how much i want to lose weight and get in shape now.
in other news. i just got a "neem" tree for the garden and my grandfather who loves gardening put it in the ground. so its been one day. i am keeping my fingers crossed. i love the neem tree. it is tall. it is leafy. it is green. and it seems like one helluva tree. so i want it to grow. wish me luck.
also in other news i am chatting with this guy for some time. and i seem to think that i like him. also i think he reads my blog. so i shouldnt be saying this over here. but whatever. he is nice. and shockingly he watches the same tv programs i do. which is such a coincidence and i am very excited about this. so lets see how that proceeds. and he even has a nice name (no i am not the most unreasobale person ever ... i think it counts what a guys name is)
in still other news. yesterday was allahs present to me on my birthday. well i saw so many beautiful beings i was out of control.
i rate men from 0-10. since i dont usually talk to them this is a completely physical rating. i saw a guy who i rated 10. which is VERY uncommon. since the last one was about two years ago. and then i saw two guys who i rated 8. now lemme tell you that is no ordinary day. i was so happy yesterday.
the 10 pointer i saw when i was out with my cousin and friends for tea. he sat on the table infront of mine. and i could see him well. WOW! 10 points. that is equal to david fumero not a lean feat. well i dont know why but this line from a coulet kept going on and on in my head. it is in farsi but it is very pertinent.
ae turk e ghamzazan kay muqabil nasheesta
sitting in front of the ballad singing turk
here turk means beautiful man
well that happened yesterday. WOW nice.
hmmm. well it was a normal day until i got off the car. when i got off the car my shirt got stuck in the door and i heard an audible rip. hmmmm. what the hell. but when i looked at my shirt i couldnt see it. feeling slightly strange i told my cousin about it. he said maybe a small rip with a big noise. so a started to move away. after two or three steps there was a gust of wind.
WHOOOOOOOOOOO !!! WOWOWOWOEEEE !!!
my pants were ripped at the crotch. BIG RIP ! felt like i was naked and all that wind in my pants. well unlike last time (entry on 2003 09 10) this time i was wearing underwear. only the rip was HUGE. i mean i asked my cousin if he could see it. and yes he could see it when i was walking. WOW! BIG RIP!
needless to say i didnt care if anyone peeked inside. their perversion not mine. so like our plan we went out and had lunch. i kept my legs closed. oops. embarrasing. but nothing happened. i walked back to the car. VERY slow lest any more rips. and here i am blogging about one of the more embarrasing days of my life. ;)
well i didnt post yesterday. sorry. birthday ;) and well i like birthdays very much. i get to be rude and mean and noone minds :) muahhahaha. i had a pact with my mom and sisters before the birthday that i will be rude and mean and they have to bear with it.
they did bear with it.
but at 12 tonight they all came into my room. and guess what. they are my family after all. threw LOTS of old glue on the floor. and to add to it. they threw some oil as well. since it isnt my birthday i have to work as well. which means i just got finished with cleaning my rooms floor.
lets just say. IT IS WAR !!!
I dont know why but I am in a VERY romantic mood right now. Listening to my romantic music. Old indian songs. "saagar kinare". Old pakistani songs. "akelay na jaana". English songs. "clapton - layla" "elvis - the wonder of you". Oh god i am in a VERY romantic mood.
I am feeling a deep deep longing for someone or something. I cannot explain what this desire, this urge is for. I really can not. It eludes me. But there is a very strong desire for something. I get this feeling on and off. Specially after watching a movie that I loved very much and wanted to continue. Sometimes on a beautiful evening with a light breeze and cloudy skies. Sometimes in summer nights when the fan is on full and I havent had any human contact for some time and I am listening to music.
I cannot be sure but it is a desire for love. A desire to love someone. A desire to be loved by someone. The love that you have for a partner, a spouse a lover. That love. A relationship. To have someone in my bed. And have him there even when I am awake. To have afternoon tea with him. To watch uncountable sunrises and sunsets with him. Allah ! how beautiful a world you have made.
Ending on the note that if any of you get any cheeky ideas pertaining to my situation, do share them with me ;)
hmmmm very bad mood. anger, depression and severe emotional distress. i just wrote a long post. then i deleted it. no need to be a drama queen.
so ill just get excited again. and laugh and cheer like i did in college. i was an idiot back then ;) i used to be the centre of everyones jokes in college. why? because i felt that people bonding over something ... even if it is making fun of me is nice. talk about being an idiotic buffoon. well i have realized that noone on this planet sacrifices any of their own things for anyone else. so that is what i am trying to make myself. inshallah with time i will succeed.
ghalib said that
maut ka aik din muaiyyin hay
neend kyun raat bhar naheen aati
the time of death is decided
why cant i sleep all night long
this shaer is playing in my mind again and again. why do we fear death so much when it is not in our hands.
hmmmm very bad mood. anger, depression and severe emotional distress. i just wrote a long post. then i deleted it. no need to be a drama queen.
so ill just get excited again. and laugh and cheer like i did in college. i was an idiot back then ;) i used to be the centre of everyones jokes in college. why? because i felt that people bonding over something ... even if it is making fun of me is nice. talk about being an idiotic buffoon. well i have realized that noone on this planet sacrifices any of their own things for anyone else. so that is what i am trying to make myself. inshallah with time i will succeed.
ghalib said that
maut ka aik din muaiyyin hay
neend kyun raat bhar naheen aati
the time of death is decided
why cant i sleep all night long
this shaer is playing in my mind again and again. why do we fear death so much when it is not in our hands.
hmmmm very bad mood. anger, depression and severe emotional distress. i just wrote a long post. then i deleted it. no need to be a drama queen.
so ill just get excited again. and laugh and cheer like i did in college. i was an idiot back then ;) i used to be the centre of everyones jokes in college. why? because i felt that people bonding over something ... even if it is making fun of me is nice. talk about being an idiotic buffoon. well i have realized that noone on this planet sacrifices any of their own things for anyone else. so that is what i am trying to make myself. inshallah with time i will succeed.
ghalib said that
maut ka aik din muaiyyin hay
neend kyun raat bhar naheen aati
the time of death is decided
why cant i sleep all night long
this shaer is playing in my mind again and again. why do we fear death so much when it is not in our hands.
i like to check out on who comes to blog. sometimes people come here through searches on search engines. some of the searches are strange to the extent of being shared. so here is this weeks list of strange searches. i will group the searches according to why i find them amusing.
1 - a very normal casual everyday search. but what the hell is my blog doing in this search.
- karachi motorcycles (nothing to do with this at all ... no idea how i turned up in this search)
- pakistan dairy (i like milk, butter, cheese, lassi and other dairy productrs. but that doesnt mean i should be a result of this search)
2 - searches made by people desperately looking for sex. and yes i should feature in these ;)
- karachi slutty girls
- love making in urdu
- msn id of ladies in pakistan
- fucking places in islamabad pakistan
- karachi gay address for meeting
- sex in pakistan
3 - a not so very normal casual everyday search. but my blog in it means there is something wrong with me.
- koi socially depressed (WATCH IT BUD ! there are times that i am depressed but not so much that it should be a result of search queries)
- pakistani khanay(t. pakistani food) (ok i like food and i am slightly fat. but DAMN YOU GOOGLE. DAMN YOU. how dare you pull the good jalal name in the mud here)
- uncommon sence (now this is downright rude and cheap. HOW DARE YOU YAHOO! HOW DARE YOU ? this will be the last straw my involvement in any other search results that drives away possible suitors will cause some serious kick ass)
oh yes i have go now and irritate the hell out of my mom. i cant understand why she feels irritated when i run muddy hands on her face. oh so till later. ta ta.
anyone who reads should read it all. because leaving in the middle might convey a wrong impression.
todays post will be about what happened on the day of 11-09-2001. i was in college back then. had gone for a game of basketball. we can back at around 1900 and decided to get something to eat. i was washing my hands when i heard someone scream. "AA WOO HOO !!!" i was like. "ohkkkkay. seems like people are VERY excited today". then i heard a "YEAH BABAY" i was like i have to hurry up the cleaning and see what is going on. as soon i entered i heard a "this will teach america" again i was like. "what happened ?" there was another "this is what they get for killing innocent muslims" and then there was a "so america thinks they can kill and sit back ... now they arent so safe as well"
now. most of my relatives live in america. and most of them live in greater nyc area. so i was beginning to get worried. just one day ago i had heard of the possiblity of a nuclear meltdown anywhere. so i was worried. i asked one of the VERY excited guys. "what happened? man come on tell me?" and suddenly someone else burst through the doors and said out loud "CNN is saying 10000 dead" i was like "oh fuck!!!" serious sinking feeling. what the fuck is going on. i hope everyone is safe i have to call america". well i thought the guys in my college are idiots.
then a few more excited gusy with news and number. and i forgot about dinner. and i walked dazed to the tv room. yes there it was. a tv. 50 students sitting infront of it. too many. too many. this means some VERY big thing. well i sat down. and i saw the movie of the first tower going down. i saw it. a huge building and it went down in a matter of second. and i saw people jumping out. from what i heard at that time. it was the first time the actual movie was shown. with the movie the level of hilarity in the room dampened and the level of aaaaa oooo whoaaaa s increased. along with a few. "oh my god ... is that a person ?" when i saw the tower go down. i had a huge shock and a sinking feeling. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. i have a large number of people living in nyc. anyone of them could have been there. anyone. i have to call them.
i ran to the pay phone. there were more than usual people there. they were all talking about it. and they well all calling to get info about america. i called home first and asked them about news. and my dad said. calm down and stay put. do not call anyone in america. let them settle down. they will call you ok. also keep your msn or mirc or email on so we can send you any news. i came back to the tv room. this time. no whalloping. all quiet. people just staring at the screen. with pictures, movies, numbers and things being thrown at us. it was shocking. everyone was quiet. the people who said this will teach america a lesson were thinking about the disaster now.
10000, 2000, 50000, 8000. i mean come on. this is no small thing. this is so so so big.
after one news report from cnn we shifted to bbc then someone said lets look at fox. cnn and bcc were shocked. fox was a raving piglet. muslim terrorists. muslim terrorists. muslim terrorist. within 5 mins. everyone in the room was raving mad at fox for their unfounded remarks. cnn and bcc are saying it is too say to say who. fox is saying muslim muslim muslim kill kill kill burn burn burn. we were all shocked. why us ? what did we do? this seems so much like the oklahoma bombing. now americans will beat up muslims all over the country and in the end it will be a group of neo-nazis or aum shinrikio or something.
blaming after evidence is something else. but blaming and finger pointing without evidence. down right wrong. well we changed the channel immediately. now i was also worried about another thing. my relatives are muslims. so if they didnt die in the attacks they might die in the streets. shoot. well i called dad again he said the same thing. all night passed. now after one day. cnn and bcc were ready to say that some evidence was unearthing of there being involvement of muslim groups.
well let me just say that we here in pakistan were as shocked by this as people anywhere else would be.
before i proceed i must say one thing. i am opposed to the killing of civilians by anyone. from which ever side. terrorist groups such as al qaeda, state terrorism such as israel, governments such as the government of burundi. i do not support the killing of civilians at all. even during a war. no matter what. muhammad the prophet of islam has expressly forbidden the killing of anyone who is in bearing arms and fighting in a war. non combattants are not fair game. you cannot kill them period. if they are office workers in the wtc. if they are muslim students an afghanistan madressah. if they are iraqi civilians in baghdad. if they are israeli fishermen. no matter who. it is not allowed. i will not support it at all.
but then america attacked afghanistan. without proof. the usa didnt even have proof at that time. and they attacked afghanistan. with public opinion for muslim blood frothing and flowing. they attacked afghanistan. the media playing its part of making afghanistan seem as the scapegoat. so much so that usa public opinion gave the go ahead. everyone knows that the final piece of proof which the usa cited "as yes now we have proof" was found in a cave in afghanistan after the attack and that too a tape. something that is being forged at the drop of a pin. no really within one day i can get about 100 movies of clinton and bush having sex in karachi. is that proof ? is this fair. if you are in the park and someone hits you. should you go and hit the first person who you have suspicion on ? no i dont think so.
well that happened. we were told of a wonderful future of afghanistan. we were told afghanistan would be a modern democracy. is it ? i dont think so. can any american now say that they have done something good for afghanistan ? any one ? no you cant. coz you havent.
and similarly with iraq. what there. i dont see anything. no smoking guns. no proof. just like afghanistan. just like that. an aggression and then no proof whatsoever. i do not think this is right. it is wrong. you cannot attack other countries to take public attention off the local economy. it is WRONG! anyone who supports the war on iraq should first see the results of the war on afghanistan. if you can say. knowing that you are in the presence of god and your conscience. if you can say that your attack on afghanistan is a success.
there is one thing that i will say. in america the support for attack on iraq was divided half half. in the muslim world it was 97 % against. 2 % dont know. 1% can i get some bread please i need to feed my kids.
there is one thing though. the muslim world could have hated america. but we dont. we know that there are millions of americans who were opposed to it. we know that millions of americans stood up for the rights of iraqis. we know that because we saw it. and that is what unites us. the human sense of compassion for fellow man.
all the citizens of the world united. by the media, by the internet and by every other resource that lets us say. stop it you are hurting me. because the other person will stop. as we have seen. and that is what unites us in the end. all the al qaedas, the neo cons, the kkks, the rsss stand aside. and on the other hand. 90 % of the worlds humans. compassionate and loving. caring and delicate. non violent. non destructive. hostage to the other 10%. yes i am from the 90%. and i am proud of being in that group.
now n few lines from the urdu poet Faiz one of the best poets of the last century.
hum dekhain gay. lazim hay keh hum bhi dekhain gay. jab raaj karey gi khalq e khuda. jo main bhee houn aur tum bhee ho.
we will see. it is imperative that we will see. when gods creation will rule. that which i am and which you are.
the day is not far when decent humans will forge human destiny. not the destiny of one petty nation or another. but the whole of human destiny. with common goals and common feelings. and then will we be free at last. inshallah we will see that day. and then there will be peace and prosperity. at last. at long last.
inshallah.
well i have made a few changes to the blog. the international blogs have been divided into three catagories. now look i dont want to hurt anyone this is a very changeable change. i will push you up if you leave comments. and basically compliment on me a lot ;) if you dont i am sorry.
also i am very busy nowadays so i might not be posting as much as i used to.
and please leave comments on enetation and not on squawkbox.
the day in college with the ripped pants
since commenting was down someone sent me 3 email to post this. well here it is.
i should tell you before i proceed. i never pay attention to clothing. i get my clothes cleaned. then i keep wearing them one by one. after wearing one thing for a day or two i throw it in a corner of my room. the clothes collect there. and after a few days (read 2-3 weeks) all my clothes are there except for the 2-3 expensive formal attire that i had. now one day i get up. and i see oh no pants(read lower wear)/shirts(read upper wear) to wear. then i just shove my hand into the pile of clothes. pick out something and wear it. this goes on for about 2-3 weeks more. making sure that the clothes that i wear dont smell while i wear em.
so in this way in about 4-6 i have used up all my clothes and they are all VERY dirty and cannot be worn. then i give them for cleaning which takes about 2-3 days. i sunchronize with the weekend so i kept naked most of the 2-3 days (oh come on ! if you are thinking what i think you are thinking you are perverted). also if during this 2-3 days i have to wear something i had to resort to doing strange things. i acutally once attired myself in a sheet to have lunch. EVERYONE was staring at me. then there was one time when i wore the a suit to a friends birthday. well lets say i was the only one not wearing a short and a t-shirt and i felt like a freak. but then they asked me to address them. and i made the most vulgar and cheap speech ever to ever fawning crowd of friends.
this is about the time when i was in college actually about 5-6 months ago. it was a crisp spring morning. a slight chill will you catch if you wear half sleeves (queer sentence structure). it was one of the 2-3 days without clothes. i was looking in my drawer when i saw a pair of pants. i said. YES ! oh oh. but no underwear. what the hell. who needs that anyway. it is just an added encumberment upon me. so i decided to go commando. oh but if i were to know what lay in the future for me.
well i noticed it too late. it wasnt that cold. my pants were ripped. right at the rumaali (crotch). and it was a slightly biggish hole. and i was like. OH DEAR GOD !!! OH FUCK !!! NO NO NO NO NO !!! NOT YOU !!! ANYTHING ELSE BUT THIS !!! but ahhhhh what childish dreams i had squashed at that instant. no miracles took place. i was as i was. wearing ripped pants. now i dont wear pants i wear jeans but today was a special day. well i hated it.
i went to class. sat with one leg over the other. wearing pants. a VERY distinguished gentleman i was. sitting in formal clothing in a formal way. oh but if they knew the truth. how shocked would they be. i wasnt distinguished i was naked. damn it. i was dead scared that day. i didnt walk at all fast all day for fear of hearing a large rip and everything falling apart. and yes i KNOW i wasnt wearing underwear. everyone would have seen my inadequecies. OH COME ON !!! IT WAS A VERY COLD DAY !!! HARDLY A DAY TO GO A PRANCING !!! and that is why i use inadequecies. otherwise you know. i am big. right. come on. i am! come on! i am not lying! ok what ever i shall proceed now.
so the day is going NOT WELL then i go to the cafe. sitting with a group of friends. and suddenly one of them jokes. why are you acting as if your pants are ripped. and we all have a laugh. i probably had a laugh slightly more nervous than the others. my friend realized that. and he said. why are you sitting cross legged. i shot a look at him. he was smiling. he knew !!! HE KNEW !!! damn it ! and he knew i knew. so well he said. HEY EVERYONE LISTEN !!! jalal is not wearting underwear. and they are all like WHOA !!! come on open his legs show us.
oh what nice cherub like kids they were. little they did they know that in trying to see the rip they could actually catch big jalal sleeping. (a VERY interesting thing that i noticed as i wrote the last sentence jalal means anger or fury in my language, this dual meaning might get me a few emails from a large number of bottoms out there ;) ) well i didnt tell them about me being commando. well i kept quiet. and kept my feet shut as about 8 guys pulled them apart. (come to think of it even this sentence can have dual meanings). well i suddenly told em i am commando. they all said in unison EWWWW !!! and they all stopped. seems like noone wanted to see big jalal.
after that one of the guys jokes about big jalal actually being little jalal. now i never let such an opportunity pass. i always pass some sort of gay comment jokingly and make it seem like i am str8 but just kid about being gay. so i told him he can check out jalal in the bathroom. well lets say NOONE made any other such comments that day. ;)
and after the cafe incident i came back and changed into nothing again. never again did big jalal get to see the whole university and the cafe himself.
so my advice to all of you. if you cant get caught. and are as intelligent as me. do it someday. commando and ripped pants. and yes this only for one reason so you can post about it. and i can amuse myself as much as you probably have about me. ;)
well here i am sitting in my room. slightly warm here but bearable. fan on full. wonderful breeze through the window. i love karachi. it is very very windy. that is why i have a continuous wind blowing through my window. and it is always cool and fresh.
sorry to mlc. but i looked on amazon for ghazal cds. and to be honest i didnt find any that someone should use to get introduced to ghazal. most of them are either westernized popish versions of ghazal or ones that i dont think an american would like due their being quite alien. well i will keep on the lookout for something that you might like to have. or i can mail you a cd or something that i will compose myself to show you what i talk about.
well here i am. i must tell everyone this. anyone interested in listening to ghazals. please listen to "chaand nikle kisi janib teri zebai ka" sung by fareeda khanum. it is wonderful to the extent of being orgasmically esctatic. it is wonderful.
well today wasnt as interesting as yerterday. but i have noticed one thing. when my computer is working. the electricity is on. and the internet is on. i blog a LOT. i mean i dont notice this but you people who actually have to read all this crap must realize it. LARGE posts full of crap. well what can i do. you are all stuck now.
AHAHHAHAHAHH !!!! AAHAHHAAHAHAHHAH !!!! MMMMUUUUUUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA !!!!
and now that my usual hysterics and dramatics are out of the way.
i would like to share a shaer (couplet) with you.
chaand nikle kisi janib teri zebai ka
rang badle kisi soorat shab e tanhai ka
may the moon rise anywhere of your allure
may the colour of this lonely evening change
another shaer (couplet)
daim para hua teray dar par naheen hoon main
khaak aisi zindagi par keh patthar naheen hoon main
i am not lying on your doorstep for ever
what use is this life if i am not that stone
now i will enter the world of the ghazal and leave you all to enjoy what you enjoy.
well here i am back in my room. thinking and writing as i think. what is the purpose of a government. what is the reason for life to be this way. why did napolean fail from his objectives. what the hell is climbing up my back. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. yes it was a cockroach. and in trying to shake it off i shook it into my shirt. now i NEVER tuck my shirt into my pants. but today about after 4 months i had done that.
so think about the following in a picture.
a man starts screaming. within 5 seconds he is in the living room. running and screaming and trying to hit his back. he does this for 5 seconds. then he starts to frantically pull his shirt out of his pants. still screaming. and then everyone in the house makes a largish circle around him asking. "kya hua ? kya hua?" (translation "what happened" "what happened") and then he still screaming takes his shirt off. all in a hurry. and he sees a cockroach run off.
now most normal people would look around sheepishly and put on the shirt. BUT NO!!!!!!!!! jalal had to act like an idiot. so instead of acting like a modest human and wearing clothes he runs after the cockroach. as the tiny creature runs on the gleaming floor jalal jumps on it. he doesnt stamp it. he JUMPS on it.
if you are wondering. now come the WORST part !!! the cockroach died and in such a way. maybe i landed on him too hard. that he obviously burst open.
there was a large cluster of black blobs on an area equal to a large portion of wall in my house. the dead remains of an intruder into my private parts.
also if you are thinking of asking me out ever in the future. i do not do this to 'human' intruders into my private parts. actually they get treatment infinitely better. and now i think i should leave and resume cleaning the wall. YEUCKH ! and let the record show my mom made me do it. i did not want to do that.
well i have added enetation to my page. so please leave comments on that. i am leaving squawkbox for later times when i can afford it. and also coz it contains your comments.
DAMN YOU SQUAWKBOX! DAMN YOU TO HELL!
they tell me that the commenting is free. now after i use it for some time they say.
" This means that the account owner has not renewed or upgraded their account. SquawkBox Basic/free accounts must be upgraded if they are heavily used over a prolonged period of time. "
this is something that you tell people before they choose to use your software. you have a right to change your rules after i start using your software. but it is sick and unfriendly to the user.
and that brings me to the new issue. i have no idea which software to use now. can someone please suggest it to me.
monseur_hermes@hotmail.com
please help me. and please suggest something that will remain free and not act like a bitch after a little while.
i was told that i am a freak 5 mins ago. by my mom. i was listening to my music. usually the problem is that childrean listen to NEW forms of music and parents dont like that. here. i listen to classical forms of music and my mom calls it a cacophony of clamourous sounds. go figure.
well i listen to classical and semi classical south asian music. the raaga. the ghazal. the thumri. the geet. now that the background is done i will proceed.
currently everyone at my home laughs at my music and calls me dead man. lots of eye rolling and messaging about it all the time. that is not it. except for everyone in my house. everyone i know in person laughs at it as well. it seems that my music is so strange that everyone laughs at it. my musical choice has been the topic of many a joke and comment even places where i wasnt present.
well this is ovbviously depressing. i havent come across any one after my university who is nearly my age by about 20 years and shares my musical taste. well i dont know what to say. their loss. a man screaming your loss in the face of 100 % of the other people his age and beloging to his country.
what the FUCK! is wrong with me. why the FUCK do i listen to classical or semi classical music. when people laugh at it and say who died why are you listening to this. and people have actually started laughing when i told them what i listen to. i mean come on. i think given a choice the social stigma will be more for me due to what i listen than due even to my sexual orientation.
oh he is gay ... too bad ... but he is a nice person.
WHAT !!! he is 22 and he listens to ghazals and raagas ... KEEP AWAY FROM HIM !!! i dont want you mixing with people like that.
i am terribly depressed. i seem to be fond of something that can only be seen as an affliction. it is so horrible and terrifying that people shy away from it. it is so ridiculously funny that people laugh alond at its mention. what the FUCK!!!
i am very very depressed. i cant be gay. now i cant listen to my music. why the hell cant i get even a small break. what the FUCK!!! music DAMNIT it is only MUSIC !!!
i saw a drama today. "roohi" casting 'talat hussain'. well lets just say that anyone who can understand urdu. who likes beautiful things. who can appreciate a drama. has to watch it. if you dont watch it you will lose something. you will lose something. watch it. please. i beg of you. watch it.
the acting. oh dear dear lord. the acting. talat hussain and the girl. it is wonderful . the subtle subtle hints. the hints that i can understand as a pakistani. the ghazal being played at a certain point and the wording telling you what is going on. the music being played to heighten or dampen the mood. the way the actors had small ... minute eye movements and worlds of meanings that they held in them.
the subtle subtle things. and the big big meanings. barefoot in the library showing casual as opposed to formal. the way talat is shown and the very very subtle things in which i can see a man who has the morals of a pakistani from a well educated background and who grew up in 1950s and 1960s. oh it is a wonderful drama. you have to watch it. have to.
i am in a wonderous mood right now because of that. it was like i was touched by a ray from heaven. the beauty. the aesthetic. the touch. the feel. the desire. the passion. the 'haya'. the 'hijab'. the aura. the whole feeling of the art of drama touching the epitome of sublime beauty and me watching it. and sharing it with my cousin. a human who can appreciate this as well. it was wonderful. i hope all of you as wonderous evenings as i had today.
pakistan has a very rich tradition of tv dramas. until the late 80s pakistan saw only one tv channel. pakistan television ptv. and they used to show a drama every night between 8 pm and 9 pm. there used to be 4 quarters in a year and 13 episodes in every quarter. there were times when between 8 pm and 9 pm the streets of karachi used to be deserted. throughfares and main roads were emptyish. everyone used to watch the dramas.
and they were excellent. in the script. in the acting. in the directing. in the sets. in the expression. in the settings. everything. they used to be excellent. the art was carried to new heights in pakistan. tv drama. called "drama" lovingly by millions of pakistanis. it was our art. we mastered it. we took it to its zenith. the drama reached its peak in the 80s. tanhaaiyan, waris ... well known pieces of art.
unfortunately the art of the drama has gone down now. maybe itll resurrect some day later. but by god it was a marvellous time while it lasted. i hope comes back.
the 6th of september was the day in 1965 that india and pakistan went to war. india crossed over the international border between pakistan and india at about 5 am on the night of 6th september and invaded pakistan. pakistan resisted the attack. well the war dragged on for some time. both sides declared a victory and got extrememly excited after the war was over. they still talk about how they whooped each other asses.
well to india. fuck you. you didnt get anything. you didnt get kashmir. you didnt get any of your objectives. how the hell can you call that a victory. if you dont get your fucking objectives you cant say you have won.
well to pakistan. fuck you. you didnt capture any indian territory of importance. you didnt get kashmir. you didnt manage to stop india. if you cant fucking get your objectives you cant say you have won.
to india and pakistan. FUCK YOU! you fucking morons. the people in your countries were in abject poverty during that time. things were worst then than they are now. HOW DARE YOU GO TO WAR !!! nations where people dont get their rights. where people have to sleep hungry and drink unclean water. where the basic necessities of life as defined at that time werent available. HOW DARE YOU GO TO WAR !!! SICK SICK SICK AND PERVERTED !!! damned idiotic politicians and military men. DAMN YOU !!!
the only thing that we hear about is how many planes were downed. who destroyed whos how many ships. etc etc etc. well noone ever talks about how many people died. indian and pakistani ? dont we fucking count. is this only a game for the fucked up hindu and muslim military personnel to butcher each other and us in the process ? is this how it happens.
why dont we count ? the citizens and the civilians. we do not want war. we want peace. we want to lead normal lives where there isnt a power cut or load shedding for abotu two hours a day. i want the roads to be built which are currently HORRIBLE in karachi. that is what i want. i dont want pakistan or india to fight wars and kill me. i want them to give me a life which i can lead as a human not an animal like we 1.3 billion humans do right now.
to india and pakistan and their desire to kill and maim us only so that they can hide their own political inadequecies. FUCK YOU ! give me clean water. give me continuous electricity. give me a job. give me a working civic system. give me a proper education. give me a clean environment. if you cant do that ... which you havent been able to till now. FUCK YOU !
FUCK Government of Republic of India and Government of Islamic Republic of Pakistan
LONG LIVE PAKISTAN AND INDIA AND THEIR PEOPLE
it is about time the guns went down. and the elements of peace security and prosperity took over.
Long live the people of India Pakistan and Bangladesh.
Pakistan Paindabad ... Jai Hind
South Asia Zindabad.
hmmm a long day. long long day. but i am very proud today. today when i was in the car. i heard a siren. we didnt understand at first. but then i realized it was an ambulance. usually in pakistan people do not move out of the way for the ambulance. they way we look at it. the guy in the ambulance doesnt have an emergency he just wants to get ahead. yes yes. we are sick sick demented people. i hate this thing with the ambulances. well but today i was very proud. as the ambulance got closer all the cars moved to the left and let it throught. acutally cars moved into the left lane for a long long way so the ambulance sped past. it made me so proud to see this slightly uncommon display of civic sence and human compassion. well i hope whoever was in the ambulance is safe. my love for karachi had increased due to this display. i hope everyone in this city grown to be a model citizen. and pakistan paindabad. well seems like today is my nation worship patriotic attack day ;)
also in other news. today was one of those days that i call candy days. days on which i get to see more than 5 extremely hot guys which would mean guys i would rate more than 7/10. well it happened today. wow. i am so excited today. well there were ones at the office. at the market. on the roads. everywhere. and one of them was staring back at me. i could feel goosebumps and i could feel a noise like ZUNNNNNNNNNN that is how excited i was that is HOT guy was staring back at me. it could have been anger as well. but i dont care. he was cute. if he wants. he can kick my ass ;)
thats about it for today so ill see you all later on.
hmmm a long day. long long day. but i am very proud today. today when i was in the car. i heard a siren. we didnt understand at first. but then i realized it was an ambulance. usually in pakistan people do not move out of the way for the ambulance. they way we look at it. the guy in the ambulance doesnt have an emergency he just wants to get ahead. yes yes. we are sick sick demented people. i hate this thing with the ambulances. well but today i was very proud. as the ambulance got closer all the cars moved to the left and let it throught. acutally cars moved into the left lane for a long long way so the ambulance sped past. it made me so proud to see this slightly uncommon display of civic sence and human compassion. well i hope whoever was in the ambulance is safe. my love for karachi had increased due to this display. i hope everyone in this city grown to be a model citizen. and pakistan paindabad. well seems like today is my nation worship patriotic attack day ;)
also in other news. today was one of those days that i call candy days. days on which i get to see more than 5 extremely hot guys which would mean guys i would rate more than 7/10. well it happened today. wow. i am so excited today.
well here i am am. it is 1211 here. i have been awake since 1120. no breakfast nothing. i have only two rupees in my pocket. which can buy me one candy. or two if i get cheap ones that taste aweful. and i am hungry. there is nothing that can barelu resemble uncooked food. i am at my cousins. he is snoring so loud. i think ill put up an sound energy plant and produce enough energy to light gambia and maybe even senegal.
that said. i am hungry. i love breakfast. i LOVE breakfast. but then again i love lunch and dinner as well. but i love eggs. i have a thing for eggs. it is not only in my mind it has been proven. one day a crooked aunt just to break my pride told me she will make as many eggs as she can and that she will show me that i will stop in the middle of the eggs and not eat as many as i get like i boast.
it was on! i hated her. she disliked me. we had even spread a few rumours about each other in the past. she had called me feminine. she had actually called me feminine!!! i wasnt gonna take that. i had told someone that she didnt pass college but she failed and tells everyone she has passed. :) people bought it. look i am sorry. but i am evil evil person. even in bed. ;)
so well it was less of a competition and more of a WAR. sortof like the situation in india-pakistan cricket matches. since we arent gonig to fight a war inshallah due to the nukes. and since we dont have cricket matches. so when we do have them it is like do or die. but i digress, more about the whole india-pakistan cricket match scenario later on.
now it is about the "egg war" and the "battle of the breakfast area" as i like to call it. well i wont walk you guys through it but lets say. after 13 eggs. i had won :). she was too tired to make any more. and she was also mindful of the expense she had gone through. so lets just say. crooked aunt 17 - jalal 18. ;) ahhhh the spirit of competition. i am a nice person until someone else starts to compete with me. then i turn into an evil maniac.
i have actually hidden/thrown away a guys toothbrush coz he was trying to cut me off in a conversation. well it is not fair. you try talking and someone cutting you off every 2 minutes. once or twice it is ok. but when you realize that someone is trying to sabotage you you get mad. so did i. well more about my violent competitions later on.
and oh yes. remind me to post about the day when my pants were ripped ;)
and something beautiful that i read at
crash.
I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library. -Jorge Luis Borges
so well i am back. no idea what to blog about. except that i will blog.
as god is my witness i will blog tonight.
i think i should try this. i will type what i feel. as it happens. interesting.
first of all i am very very sleepy and i cant do anything about that. i feel slighltly cold. the wind from the fan to my right is comeing at me in gusts. every gust cold. and after that warm. i like the warmth. the music is playing. slightly loud. the guitars and the drums and and voice are all slightly uncomfortabel due to my sleepiness. my left arm is itching so i will stop typing to scratch it. and oops a drop just dropped onto my shorts. COLD water. very very shocking. the fan is not soundless. there is something in it. there is this sound in it as if something rattling inside it like most ceiling fans. its one special signature of the sound. the pitch and number the frequency. someone called ali just logged into my msn messenger. the sound of the pop up was nice. subtle yet alarming. barbra streisand is good. nice song. hmmmmmmmmmmm. i have to go now before i proove to all of you that i am a moron.
well i wrote two posts both of them effed up. they were good posts. i cant prove it so you will just have to take my word for it. and now i have to go. bye.
hmmmm. well lets say that life is fine. things are going ok. slow and steady. my cousin persists on smoking like a train. and i persist on trying to stop him. we both stay on our own tracks.
and after that i drove my car from my cousins house to my own. my first car ride. yey. well it was much better than i thought. i didnt kill anyone or destroy my car. well i didnt hit it at all with anything. hmmmm.
well i love to drive. from now on. i will always love it. it is wonderful. but it was nice. more details later.
ahhhhhhh life. what wonders lie in thee. including the delectable lassi that i had 5 mins ago. wow. i love fattening foods that are so utterly wonderful. little glasses full of heaven. ahhhhhhh. life.
no electricity for about 4 hours today. very windy so wonderful. i called the electrcity department complaint centre about 20 times :) wonderful. from what it seems there are only 3 people there on this number. they were about to loose it with me calling every 10 mins ;) ahhhhhhh. i love teasing the living daylights out of people who pester me.
oh and yes. my sister was saving her allowance for two weeks. she finally decided to get chocolates from the money and hid them in the fridge. i am SO EVIL. i ate all of em. i love cadburys ;). she told me that she hates me. and that she hopes i will never eat a cadburys dairy milk again. well needless to say. i had kept one dairy milk for her to not be too evil. after her tantrum i ate it infront of her. through the window. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. life. what wonders lie in thee.
and oh yes. whoever was searching for "pakistan dogs" on google and ended up on my site. i am very sorry that you had to go through this. VERY sorry. and also ... "how you doin!" *WINK*. and just in case someone out there has any misconceptions. i am not a dog.
well it seems that my last post about a little latent tension in the city was right. rumours flying all over the place. karachi saw a lot of violence during the 90s. well thank allah the city is going smooth now. well at least as smooth as most third world cities. but i think i can feel and sense these small currents in the big river.
two shot dead. five shot dead. tension in the city. well i am all too well aware of these patterns. well lets just say that this tension had increased a lot during the day and now is at its peak. lets hope the night will lay it to sleep as it does many other things.
and yes my usual interesting details from my life. i saw a VERY cute guy today. and i stared at him. with no fear or fright. he saw me staring. he didnt do anything. he didnt drag me infront of my parents like i thought he would. he didnt do anything. ahhhhhhhhhh. such a relief.
well it seems that my last post about a little latent tension in the city was right. rumours flying all over the place. karachi saw a lot of violence during the 90s. well thank allah the city is going smooth now. well at least as smooth as most third world cities. but i think i can feel and sense these small currents in the big river.
two shot dead. five shot dead. tension in the city. well i am all too well aware of these patterns. well lets just say that this tension had increased a lot during the day and now is at its peak. lets hope the night will lay it to sleep as it does many other things.
and yes my usual interesting details from my life. i saw a VERY cute guy today. and i stared at him. with no fear or fright. he saw me staring. he didnt do anything. he didnt drag me infront of my parents like i thought he would. he didnt do anything. ahhhhhhhhhh. such a relief.
hmmmmm. after saying that i hate it when i have to live without the internet i will proceed. and for about 4-5 days as well.
large cities like karachi are a world in thier own. their own accents. their own rhythms. their own flavour. and their own city. well i love being a part of this thing. also cities in south asia are generally very volatile and violence prone. maybe due to the harsh weather and the general tension infested life that we lead.
news spreads slowly in the city. rumours spread fast. yesterday two men from a major political party were shot dead in the city. rumours started flying immediately about rioting, arson and generally violence. when i went for a drive today i could see the traffic move faster and more desprately trying to avoid major chorangis(intersection). the first clue to something being wrong. then i heard the news about the two men.
karachi is a city that lives. it breathes. it moves. it awakens and it sleeps. there is complete rhythm to it. and small incidents cause it to become ill like any person may. i love this city. its people. its ways. its colours. its moves. hmmmmm. i think i am being too wierd right now. but that is me. wierd and sensitive.
and in other news. i heard a song yesterday. streets of philadelphia by bruch springstein. a friend of mine in college loved this song. as soon as i heard it severe nostalgia for my college life flooded in. encompassing me. all that was left. was me. the faces of my friends in college. their voices and their words. it is SEVERE nostalgia.
oh what a bitter sweet feeling. nostalgia. it feels so good. but it hurts so bad. nostalgia. ahhhhhhhhhh. what beautiful things people go through in their daily lives. nostalgia being one of them. i can still hear that friend of mine laughing and looking at me in that particular signature laugh of his. face slightly tilted. lip slightly curled. eyes half open due to the effect of the song. i will never forgot this. ahhhhhhhhhh nostalgia. what beauty lies in it.
seething hatred. abomination and malicious wrath. at my isp. at my windows. at my new pc that got all fucked up. i havent been able to access the internet for some time now. past 3-4 days. i got a new pc. and i needed to install a software for my net to run. but my damned isp didnt reply to my calls or messages so i was without internet then the NEW computer got broke and i had to get it fixed. then when i got that back. the internet wasnt working from the isp. this is the first time i have had to post. i hate the isp and the new computer vendor and windows xp for crashing and forcing me to reinstall it. HATE YOU ALL !!! may you all burn in hell along with characters like adolf hitler and his naughty little mistress ;)
