My friends from college who know me are not with me here in Karachi and they are all very busy so I can not talk to them.
My gay friends from Karachi are also very busy and they dont know me that well and hence I cannot talk to them.
The guys from my neighbourhood are from a different world and I cannot understand them nor they me.
I cannot talk to anyone in my family since they are all slightly conservative and would get completely freaked out.
My college friends that are in Karachi know me but our relationship just is not in the condition where I can tell them that I am gay. I am too sick and tired of coming out to people. I do not want to do it any more. And I will not.
I do not have anyone to talk to. Anyone at all. I am sure that this blog has helped me a lot. But I need someone to talk to about this. I dont know what I am going to do. But the last couple of days have been very hard. Very hard. I dont know what to do. I cant seem to get anyone to talk to.
I dont know what I will do. I just dont know how to let it all out. I just dont know. Very fucked up. Very very fucked up. I have no idea why I am feeling this way. I havent felt this fucked up in a very very long time.
Fucked up and noone to talk to. The height of being a loser.
As of this moment I am never going to be there for anyone else if it in any fucking way inconveniences me anyway. People are just mean and evil and self centered, why the hell should I ever give up anything when I know for sure than people wouldnt even give me pity if I were dying on the side of a street.
I am such an idiot.
posted by Jalal @ 23:34
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