تزک جلالی

The Runaway ... Part 10

Well it is the morning after. I spent the night at a friends house. I got up early and left. I do not want to pull other people into the vortex that my life has become.

Well I am going home now. I talked to a very good friend of mine about the whole situation. He made me realize that these problems are not due to anything else but the fact that my mom knows that I am gay. I am sure it must be very hard for her to bear. I cannot blame her. So well I am going to have to come out to her. Since my cousin was already forced into telling her that I am gay I think I should do it as well. And stop her from both hurting and be scared.

I hope things work out. I just hope I do not hurt her very much. I mean come on. Only son ... gay. WHOOSH! It is like shattering all her dreams and taking away everything that she might have fantasized about for the last 20 or so years. I do not want to do that. But then again it is her fault for snooping and forcing people to tell her the truth. She violated my privace now she will get hurt. I can not do anything about it.

In a country like Pakistan. Belonging to a muslim middle class family. I have no idea how to come out to my mother. This is not the west where people come out every day and there is a whole concept behind this. This my dear is Pakistan. And I belong to muslim middle class family. What do I tell them. That I am interested in men. My mom never even teased me about girls in my life except for when I was very young.

We are very very frank with each other in my home but this is too much. Anything relation to relationships like these are not discussed. How the hell am I supposed to talk to her. What will I say. I have no idea. I will have an idea later on. But now I dont.

So wish me luck that I do not kill my mother with this horrible news. It is one horrible thing to tell ones parents. I can now imagine what so many people go throught when they have to come out to their parents. I hope she takes it will. I know she will not.

posted by Jalal @ 11:29