تزک جلالی

Coming out to my Mom

I went home. As soon as I saw my mom. I told her. WE HAVE TO TALK. NOW! So she came with me to room. And I told her.

I dont think I 'came out' correctly. I dont think I did it at all correctly.

She said. What? I bathed you when you were young. How can you be gay. I said ammi I am. She said but you normal physically how can you be gay. I said ammi I am normal physically and I am gay. So you like men and you are normal physically? I said yes ammi. It is not a physical disorder. She said. Oh ok!

She accepted that and we went on

Well at first when I talked to her she thought I was made into this by someone. She kept asking me. Is is due to your friend XYZ in school. Is it due to your friend ABC in college. Is it that guy you used to go to gym with when you were in the 11th grade. I told her NO NO NO. She didnt believe me. It took me half an hour to convince her that noone made me gay. That I was always gay.

She didnt believe that but we went on.

She kept telling me it is very very normal. Everyone feels this way. Everyone is sometimes attracted to men or women and it is normal. I told her it is not SOMEtimes. I told her it is all the time. She was like. Yeah right! then all other guys your age would do that too. I told her. No ammi they dont. I have lived with guys all my life and I know they dont. She was like you think this way but it isnt so. You are normal. Do not worry.

She again didnt believe that but we went on.

Basically after about 2 hours I think she didnt accept it. She thinks that I have been in bad company that is why I THINK that I am gay. And something happened that started making me think like this. And if I have these emotions then they are normal. Now she only needs to talk to me a whole lot so I can become straight. Well like I said. I dont think I 'came out' right.

Well I think she is denial this will sink is slowly. Thank god. I can deal with that.

Oh and yes about leaving home. Now I am going to start looking for a new place with my mom. So I dont kill myself out of irritation or make their lives miserable as well.

It sure is hell coming out to someone who is straight and doesnt have any knowledge of the whole being gay thing.

posted by Jalal @ 02:25